Post # 92
LOL at concessions to patriarchy.
No garter toss, bouquet, no asking parent for permission, no one walking me down the aisle. Probably no name change. I have a ballgown wedding dress, veil (not over face). I am working on the vows but definitely no “obey”
Post # 93
No love “her as you love yourself” in the vows for the groom only.
Post # 94
- We’re writing our own vows, so they will be equal (no obeying, submitting or talk of babies)
- No “who gives this woman”
- No announcement of “man and wife”
- No garter/bouquet toss
- Definitely everyone gets mentioned by their names – my parents won’t be “mr & mrs john smith” and i won’t be “mrs joe bloggs”
- We’ll still see each other before the wedding – I don’t know why I have to go stay somewhere else! My mum & sister want to change my mind on this and have a girls night.
Traditions I’ve changed my mind on:
- I didn’t want to wear a veil for symbolism, but dammit it just finishes off the look so well… haha. But my veil will be sitting low at the back and no blusher.
- Dad walking me down the aisle – he’s very traditional so it would be important to him. I’d like for both my parents to but we’ll see
- Name change – I never thought I’d change my name when I got married, but I actually like it as a symbol of our newly combined family. FI was sweet enough to leave the choice completely up to me too.
Post # 95
Didnt ask my father
We are walking down the isle together.
No ring bearer/no children at the wedding
No father daughter dance
Post # 96
only thing i can think of is we are writing our own vows, and i’m not wearing a veil, just a nice hair piece.
Post # 97
Can I ask ( politely ) whether not having a flower girl/ children is a feminist thing?? And why no father/ daughter dance?
Post # 98
No garter toss, nothing in the vows about “obey.” I’m also going to make sure that our officiant doesn’t say anything about how the wife “leaves her home and family and friends” to join with the man, unless he talks about the man doing so as well. 😛
I’m still struggling with the “who gives this woman” part. My ceremony is Catholic so not sure how much we can change.
I’m still having the bouquet toss because I think it’s fun to go home with flowers. At least, that’s how I felt when I used to participate in it.
Post # 99
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
I’m really up in the air on a few, some for equality and some because I just don’t like them:
“You may kiss the/your bride”
- My dad, even though I love him, is as awkward as me and a dance would be tragic. We’re also not that close. We talk, but I’ve maybe hugged my dad a dozen times my whole life, so I think a dance would be major awkward turtles.
- While I would like a more equal way of saying it, I know Fiance would like this said and I find it kind of cute.
Post # 100
We are not doing the bouquet toss or garter, because it makes me feel weird having all these people “begging” for marriage at my feet, and then watching my Husband find my garter with his teeth and fling it at a group of men. I do not like the symbolism at all, nor do I want people imagining my lady parts as he does this.
While I have a father, and a grandfather, I have chosen my birthmom (I have 2 moms) to walk me down the aisle because she is the strongest woman I know and has never doubted me, left my side or questioned my decisions. She is the only person who has always been there for everything, so she will be walking me. Also, I will need her strength as I do this without crumbling into a mess, since I am so emotional. Hehe
My Fi is still on the fence, but I am trying to convince him that we should both change our names to Mr and Mrs MyLastName HisLastName (or vice versa, no hyphen). This way it is clear we are our own family, and our children will have both of our names.
We will be writing our own vows, nothing will refer to “his household” or anything unequal. They will be love and sharing based. We will not be pronounced man and wife, but as Mr and Mrs Our new last name.
We will not be doing designated child-parent dances, but will open up the floor at the end of our dance to dance with all the family members in a group. I want everyone included.
No traditional veil – though I will have a birdcage and fascinator.
I am definitely not pure, and my wedding get-up will have colour to match my personality. Not pure white.
Post # 101
– He didn’t ask permission
– I’m keeping my name
– No Veil
– No Garter Toss
– No Bouquet Toss
Post # 103
I am keeping my name. Had it for 54 years and his ex-wife has the same first and middle name as I do. And she is born in the same month and from the same home town…
My father is escorting me down the aisle. He is THRILLED!
I am wearing a very smal veil.
Our vows are tradtional Presbyterian vows, the usual – foresake all others, honor, in sickness and healther, richer and poorer, til death. I do not like writing one’s own vows, especially if you are having a church ceremony, which was my #1 requirement; no fields, no beach, no moutaintop – in a church, with a minister in the eyes of God!
Post # 104
our pastor will not ask who gives the bride, but will ask the congregation for their support and prayers for our marriage. He will also ask his two adult children for the support and prayers for my joining their family.
Post # 105
– Any readings or vows that imply a woman should be submissive to the man or that the man is the leader or head of the marriage. People should just be respectful of each other, man or woman. That solves that.
– Garter toss. I don’t have the kind of personality that carries that off well, and I would feel kind of degraded with another person’s hand up my dress in front of a hundred people and everyone whistling and cat-calling. For me, no thanks.
– I was picky about father-daughter song. I didn’t want any of those “Daddy’s little girl angel cupcake” type songs…I’m a grown woman, not a child. We did a co-father-daughter/mother-son dance to What a Wonderful World.
Post # 106
@future mrs Q:
I love what you are doing wth your parents walking you down. i am stealing your wording for that!