(Closed) Calling all feminist bees: What traditions are you skipping and why?

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 92
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@SpecialSundae:  LOL at concessions to patriarchy.

No garter toss, bouquet, no asking parent for permission, no one walking me down the aisle. Probably no name change. I have a ballgown wedding dress, veil (not over face). I am working on the vows but definitely no “obey”

Post # 93
3 posts

No love “her as you love yourself” in the vows for the groom only.

Post # 94
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

  • We’re writing our own vows, so they will be equal  (no obeying, submitting or talk of babies)
  • No “who gives this woman”
  • No announcement of “man and wife” 
  • No garter/bouquet toss
  • Definitely everyone gets mentioned by their names – my parents won’t be “mr & mrs john smith” and i won’t be “mrs joe bloggs”
  • We’ll still see each other before the wedding – I don’t know why I have to go stay somewhere else!  My mum & sister want to change my mind on this and have a girls night.

Traditions I’ve changed my mind on:

  • I didn’t want to wear a veil for symbolism, but dammit it just finishes off the look so well… haha.  But my veil will be sitting low at the back and no blusher.
  • Dad walking me down the aisle – he’s very traditional so it would be important to him.  I’d like for both my parents to but we’ll see
  • Name change – I never thought I’d change my name when I got married, but I actually like it as a symbol of our newly combined family.  FI was sweet enough to leave the choice completely up to me too.

Post # 95
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Didnt ask my father

We are walking down the isle together.

No veil

No flowergirl

No ring bearer/no children at the wedding

No father daughter dance



Post # 96
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

only thing i can think of is we are writing our own vows, and i’m not wearing a veil, just a nice hair piece. 

Post # 97
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@niasg1:  Can I ask ( politely ) whether not having a flower girl/ children is a feminist thing?? And why no father/ daughter dance?

Post # 98
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No garter toss, nothing in the vows about “obey.”  I’m also going to make sure that our officiant doesn’t say anything about how the wife “leaves her home and family and friends” to join with the man, unless he talks about the man doing so as well. 😛

I’m still struggling with the “who gives this woman” part. My ceremony is Catholic so not sure how much we can change.

I’m still having the bouquet toss because I think it’s fun to go home with flowers.  At least, that’s how I felt when I used to participate in it.

Post # 100
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are not doing the bouquet toss or garter, because it makes me feel weird having all these people “begging” for marriage at my feet, and then watching my Husband find my garter with his teeth and fling it at a group of men. I do not like the symbolism at all, nor do I want people imagining my lady parts as he does this. 

While I have a father, and a grandfather, I have chosen my birthmom (I have 2 moms) to walk me down the aisle because she is the strongest woman I know and has never doubted me, left my side or questioned my decisions. She is the only person who has always been there for everything, so she will be walking me. Also, I will need her strength as I do this without crumbling into a mess, since I am so emotional. Hehe

My Fi is still on the fence, but I am trying to convince him that we should both change our names to Mr and Mrs MyLastName HisLastName (or vice versa, no hyphen). This way it is clear we are our own family, and our children will have both of our names. 

We will be writing our own vows, nothing will refer to “his household” or anything unequal. They will be love and sharing based. We will not be pronounced man and wife, but as Mr and Mrs Our new last name. 

We will not be doing designated child-parent dances, but will open up the floor at the end of our dance to dance with all the family members in a group. I want everyone included. 

No traditional veil – though I will have a birdcage and fascinator. 

I am definitely not pure, and my wedding get-up will have colour to match my personality. Not pure white. 

Post # 101
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

– He didn’t ask permission

– I’m keeping my name

– No Veil

– No Garter Toss

– No Bouquet Toss

Post # 102
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX


  • I chose to delete “And Obey” out of my vows


  • BOTH my father AND mother walked me down the aisle because they both raised me…not just my father


  • I did wear a veil but not over my face or anything…more like just a hair decoration


  • We did do the bouquet toss and garter toss…did not see anything wrong with that
  • He asked BOTH my mother and father for permission


Post # 103
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am keeping my name.  Had it for 54 years and his ex-wife has the same first and middle name as I do. And she is born in the same month and from the same home town…

My father is escorting me down the aisle.  He is THRILLED!

I am wearing a very smal veil.

Our vows are tradtional Presbyterian vows, the usual – foresake all others, honor, in sickness and healther, richer and poorer, til death.  I do not like writing one’s own vows, especially if you are having a church ceremony, which was my #1 requirement; no fields, no beach, no moutaintop – in a church, with a minister in the eyes of God!

Post # 104
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Brideonabudgetlauren:  our pastor will not ask who gives the bride, but will ask the congregation for their support and prayers for our marriage.  He will also ask his two adult children for the support and prayers for my joining their family.


Post # 105
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

– Any readings or vows that imply a woman should be submissive to the man or that the man is the leader or head of the marriage. People should just be respectful of each other, man or woman. That solves that.


– Garter toss. I don’t have the kind of personality that carries that off well, and I would feel kind of degraded with another person’s hand up my dress in front of a hundred people and everyone whistling and cat-calling. For me, no thanks.


– I was picky about father-daughter song. I didn’t want any of those “Daddy’s little girl angel cupcake” type songs…I’m a grown woman, not a child. We did a co-father-daughter/mother-son dance to What a Wonderful World. 


Post # 106
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@future mrs Q:  I love what you are doing wth your parents walking you down. i am stealing your wording for that!

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