(Closed) Calling all **Formerly-Long Distance bees** out there!!!!

posted 10 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 92
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

1) I completely agree with so many of you. COMMUNICATION is key! My fiancรฉe and I were in a LDR for two and a half years before I moved to NC to be with him. In the beginning, we made a pact to be open and honest and to talk to each other about our feelings in regards to our relationship. That is the only way to defeat doubt and not allow something that could be such an. Insignificant issue to turn into a huge ordeal. We were 8 and a half hours apart, so we saw each other about once a month. Communication was what kept our relationship strong and allowed us to strengthen our love for one another.

2) The adjust came in getting used to sleeping in the same bed…every night! I had to adjust to falling asleep with someone in the same bed. Now every night is like a slumber party with my best friend. Like other bees, I now find it hard to sleep when he is not there.

3) I would have to say spiked strawberry lemonade ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 93
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

1) Make the relationship a priority. Colleges would want me to go on ski trips when I should be traveling to see the Mr., I always picked the Mr., would never put myself in comprimising situations with the other gender, we talked a lot so that always helped and would try to see each other every two weeks. Glad that’s over!

2) It was a surprisingly easy transition. We live together now and it’s a lot easier for me, I’m not tortured wondering what he’s doing and mising him.

3) Kombucha…(i don’t drink)

Post # 94
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My fiance and I waited 15 years to be together.  We were always friends..either I was married or he was.  Always in touch but never the right time.

We finally got together, although he’d moved to Memphis and I was still living in the same ol’ town.  Eventually I moved out there with my two dogs.

My fiance works TONS of hours at his job..I was jobless…we had his two children out there one at a time six weeks at a time and made the absolute most of it!!

Once the kids were gone though..it was sooo quiet every night with me being there alone and him working all the time..the dogs weren’t adapting very well to apartment living, my 83 year old Dad living in Independant Living became more and more depressed..

And I had to make a decison..which my fiance totally supported me in.

I moved back into my parent’s house and have been keeping it up..cleaning it up..taking my dad grocery shopping..taking him out to dinner, etc.  My 83 year old dad came out of his depression just becaue he knew I was right around the block.

As he said to me one day, “I don’t mean to take you away from your fiance..but without you here…I really don’t know what I would do..”

I know..it sucks…wanting to be with the man you love…while being there for your dad..

My fiance and I make it work.  He comes home for vacation and we spend time alone together along with spending time with his kids who I could love more and I love them like my own.

The bottom line is..we love each other enough to make it work!!

 

Post # 95
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

You both need to make each other a priority to make it work.  We talked on the phone everynight and if we are apart now we still do.  He just went on vacation and called me everynight because it helped him sleep.

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

It was a long time ago, but we met had a two week whirlwind romance, and then just kept talking.  Eventually he asked me if he wanted to date even though we it would be an LDR I said yes but soon spent 5 weeks with him down in his world.  The weirdest thing about that is that we barely knew each other and had basically elected to live together for a month in a place I had never been to or seen before. 

In that time we discovered the we actually did care about each other and should continue dating.  So when we was finally able to move back to where I was it wasn’t too bad of a transition.  It took some adjusting too but it was gradual because we couldn’t live together yet and still didn’t see each other all the time because I was in school an hour from where he lived.

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

It used to be vodka and Red Bull but I don’t think stuff like that anymore.

Post # 96
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?
 
Talk.  As much as you freaking can.  Make SO feel like they’re practically there with you.  SO and I skyped everyday from January 3, 2011 to June 9, 2011 (missing only ONE day, thanks to my roommate keeping me downtown all day/ night, but we had been texting) and sometimes, becase of technical malfunctions, it makes communication hard because you can’t always rely on body language and facial expressions so you have to try really hard to use your words.

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?
 
In the beginning, the first month or so of me being back home from college, it seemed like we had actually been closer while long distance.  But I think we just forgot to keep using our words and stopped telling each other everything (not lying or anything, but just not mentioning things then being surprised when they came up) which is something we’ve struggled with from time to time.  It was definitely an adjustment because we started out long distance (met in high school but went to different colleges when we started dating).

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)
 
Not 21 yet ๐Ÿ™ and neither are any of my friends ๐Ÿ™ SO has a connection but doesn’t like me being in that environment (weekend drinking and smoking) because of trouble he has gotten into when he was younger.

Post # 97
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

We met in grad school so we started off being in a SDR, but, due to multiple out-of-state and international internships, we’ve gone through 9 months of LDR twice. My best advice is to be committed!! LDRs are very stressful and I questioned our relationship many times. Looking back, I realized that Fiance are perfect for each other, but just had different love languages and different communication styles. These problems became magnified by the distance and I thought that meant we weren’t right for each other. There is no way we would have made it if we were not committed and ignored the urge to just call it quits. Instead, it took a lot of patience with each other to get through everything.

My other piece of advice would be to talk, a lot. Since you’re not with each other, it’s so important to not only communicate about problems, but to make sure you share your lives with each other cuz the other person won’t be able to experience it in person. I felt really distant from Fiance cuz I didn’t know what was going on in his day-to-day life. It felt like I went from knowing what he was going to do before he did it to not knowing anything about him. It took a lot of fights for him to understand how important that was for me. It’s not that he was purposefully hiding anything from me, he just didn’t get why I would care to hear about the mundane, boring things he did everyday. Once he understood, being in an LDR became much easier.  

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

The only unexpected aspect has been how much more we appreciate each other after going through our LDR periods. The whole distance makes the heart grow fonder thing is very true. I also think it’s made our level of commitment much stronger towards each other. I’m much more confident our relationship will now be able to weather anything.

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

It’s an oldie but a goodie: cranberry vodka!

Post # 98
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

Let those silly arguements go over the phone and text… it wont matter in a week or even a day. Most of them stem from LDR frustration. Say goodnight, and chat in the morning.. more than likely the arguement will be over and pointless ๐Ÿ™‚

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

I miss that feeling of seeing him for the first time in a long time.. as much as i hated the distance and goodbyes, the heloos were amazing

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

Coco Loco.. too bad they are only down south!

Post # 99
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First a little about us: we met online while I was in college and he was 5 hours away. We talked a month or two on the phone before I went home to visit. We went on dates and totally hit it off. He asked me to be his girlfriend (so cute) and I accepted but promptly went back to school. We got to know each other over phone calls and texting. 

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be? Communicate!! Always be 100% open about how you are feeling. When you are apart your negative feelings can fester and totally blow up if you don’t talk about them. We talked constantly about how we were feeling. To the point of annoyance if we were a SDR couple! Lol

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR? How easy it was to see each other all the time. I thought we’d get tired of each other or something but its been amazing! (Point of reference we were LDR about 1.5-2 years and have been SDR for 1.5 years and now have live together for 6 months.)

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!) margarita!!! I’m a wine drinker most often though. 

Post # 100
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance and I were in a LDR for our whole dating relationship.  He proposed two weeks before me moved to the same town as me.  The first year of our relations hip in was in Malta (a tiny country in the Mediterranean).  The rest of the time he was 5 hours away.   so I have learned a lot!

1)  Make the time  that you do have together count.  There were a lot of times that we would just sit there and say “so what do you want to do?” and we did nothing.  Budget your time wisely (an make sure to account for the fun stuff too ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).   Also, make sure you have the same end goals in mind.  We were “just friends” for about 5 years before we got together.  Once we started dating, we knew we would want to be married eventually.  We talked about our future goals and agreed that after his internship he would move.  If we didn’t have an end in sight it would have been so much harder!

 

2)  The hardest lesson I had to learn was that you don’t HAVE to spend every waking minute together.  We were both so used to cramming as much into a weekend as we could, that when he moved in it was hard to adjust to the down times.  Don’t forget to still have your girl’s nights out, and don’t be frustrated with him when he wants his poker nights. 

 

3) give me straight up tequila please ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 101
Member
12 posts
Newbee

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

We sent each other videos often. I would take my camera on a walk with me to show him what my days were like. That was the best form of communication we had because it allowed insight into our daily lives, it was a nice suprise for nights when we couldn’t talk, and now we still have all of them as memoribilia (sp?) Also, there is absolutely nothing better than LDR sex, so visit as often as possible. 

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

For us the transition back into a SDR was just as hard as going LDR. We didn’t live together at first, and so I actually felt more distant from him when I moved back home. I don’t want to scare you, but I want to give you a heads up that either way you go, it’s a transition. 

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

Long Island

Post # 102
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

1)   So, I think the ladies here have most of this covered, but I would also say don’t be overly concerned on days when communicating is hard. This was sometimes hard for me in our LDR — if I had a bad day, I would want to be ‘together’ and talk/skype/ect. But that was adding even more stress to both of us.

As everyone has said, communication is key — but there will be days when one or both of you are just exhausted or stressed or in a plain ol’ bad mood and talking on the phone or skype or emailing is just too much. Typically, in a ‘normal’ relationship these would be the days we’d give our sweeties a quick neck massage and cuddle up on the couch with ’em to watch a movie – no questions asked.

Nevertheless,  when in a LDR, its really easy to try to push one another to “talk about it” or try to create some sense of togetherness when there is really nothing to talk about. It’s no one’s fault that your boy was on his feet all day and he has a big project to do the next morning…. And he really could be telling the truth that its “fine” and he is 100% prepared to face it the next day. He doesn’t really need to process it with you, and he’s too tired to have long rambling conversations with you. He just needs a beer and Seinfeld reruns. And that’s ok. So send him your love, put down the phone and just be content knowing that -if you could be there- he would want to be just sitting quietly with you enjoying together time… while laughing at Kramer in a worse plight than his own.

2) Snuggling up on the couch after a long day. Oh wait, I knew I was going to love that part!

3) Mudslide. Ice cream and alcohol together? WIN

Post # 103
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ddw:  1. My now-fiance and I would buy DVD/Bluray combo packs of movies we liked (mostly Disney movies) and mail each other one of the copies. On Friday nights, we’d call or Facetime each other and “watch” a movie together. It sounds silly, but we loved it and it was a way to spend time doing something together 1800 miles apart! Ultimately, you just have to get creative. And don’t take it personally when friends and family that aren’t in LDRs make comments. If they’ve never done long distance, they can’t really understand the seemingly silly things you do to keep the spark alive while you are apart from each other. Another thing we would do is write letters back and forth. It was a great way to tell each other every detail of our days apart since we had a 2 hour time difference and couldn’t always share everything we wanted to.

2. The most unexpected thing that’s come of my Fiance and I being in the same city is how easy the transition was for me. He’s had a little more difficulty with transitioning back to civilian life (he was a Marine for 4.5 years), which I also didn’t expect. I guess I expected it to be all sunshine and rainbows once he moved home, and it caught me off guard when he told me how much he misses the military, which I suppose is normal for post-military guys.

3. My favorite mixed drink is a long island iced tea or hurricane ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 104
Member
5884 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I used to be legit LDR, now I’m what I call Semi LDR and in about a year we’ll finally be living together.  Our Semi LDR doesn’t really feel like long distance to me though, so I’ll answer:

1) Plan your trips as far in advance as you can so that you always have something to look forward to.  Take advantage of technology. If you aren’t a trusting person, you’ll never last in an LDR.

2) Since we haven’t gone super SD I’m not quite sure how to answer this.  I guess that visiting family (both having them visit and going to visit them) becomes a big part of your lives.  When we finally get to live together I’m sure there will be more rude awakenings!

3) These days I’m into cucumber vodka mixed with club soda.  

Post # 105
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We were in an LDR for a year, but it was mega LD, he was in the UK and I was in Australia. Now that is a killer timezone change. We saw each other every 3-6 months, and now happily living together for the last few years and blissfully engaged!

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be? 

Make contact every day, even if you only have time to send a text. And respect each others time, especially if you are on really wierd timezones. You can’t stay on skype for 4 hours when there is work/school/whatever in the morning! I know it’s hard, and thats what you need to do sometimes to feel close but it can’t be every day. If you love them enough it can work! But you need to have an end goal, or a plan, it is just so hard to not have a direction or something to look forward to.

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

When you are living together and the real world hits, you don’t talk about every little detail anymore, so you have to remember to make the time to still be part of each others days. Also sharing a bed! We both got so used to being sprawled across our own beds Smile

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

Probably long island iced tea, or vodka and lemon squash mmm.

Post # 106
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

The whole LD relationship was almost my make-it or break-it! You need to have paitence and make sure you have unlimited talk and text!!!! Also, skype (which we didn’t have.) There were times my Fiance (only boyfriend at the time) would go all day and not speak to each other once because we were both so busy with work (him working two jobs) and me working full time in a law office and staying late all the time!!!! It was hard. The only way we made it work was to decide to have him move in with me (which didn’t happen overnight either.) We had to see if he could transfer jobs here to NJ and once we got the okay, we started packing and planned it all out. I would visit him every weekend (which took a toll on me driving an hour there and an hour back.) I was LD for one year straight, not fun, but so worth it in the end!

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

Big difference. You get used to being alone while your BF/FI is hours or miles away. While he was at work and I was home, I’d mostly be hanging out with my friends, having alone time, watching movies, doing my nails etc. Now that he lives with me, I have a lot more chores lol. Laudnry, clearning, cooking dinner for us, food shopping more often since I’m feeing two of us and not just me. Just like marriage lol, lots of compromise. I spend most of my time and days with him, so no more alone time haha but I’m not complaining! I love having him around all of the time as opposed to none of the time.

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

Strawberry margarita all the way baby!!!

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