(Closed) Calling any strippers! (just conversation)

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1452 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Why would you present your fellow with a list of forgivable acts? Isn’t that basically saying, “Go ahead and do any of these things, I can get over them.” :/


I assume, since you are getting married, that he knows the boundaries of your relationship? He should know by now what is acceptable for the two of you. 



Post # 4
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Nizzle:  I’m not in the industry but I’ve never known a fiance to be involved in picking the entertainment/organising the bachelor party. Just as I would be pretty pee’d off if my FH at the time had thought he could have a say in organising my hens night. We approached the issue in general like this (not just for his bucks night but bucks nights that he attends as well) very early on in our relationship. I accept that boys will often go to strip clubs/order entertainment on bucks nights and while I personally do not see the appeal (and frankly neither to a good proportion of blokes. they just go cos their friends are going) I am fine provided there is no body contact. So no licking whipped cream off anyone’s stomach, no touching etc. He was perfectly happy with this and likewise had no wish for me to be sexually touching another male either.

Post # 5
41 posts

Nizzle:  wow your an over thinker like me. my advise is do what you need to do to settle your brain but don’t tell him what he can and can’t do. Write the list send email it to yourself. I have an email account just for that. All my thought and stuff get sent there. It helps to clear my head and put perspective on an issue.

If your man was like mine he wouldn’t do any of the things your worried about. Once a man has found the one he doesn’t do anything to hurt that. 

if you need to make ground rule talk to the best man. but you will look like a control freak. 

Good luck in letting go and allowing it to evolve without your input

Post # 6
628 posts
Busy bee

Nizzle:  You’re overthinking this. Speaking to strippers isn’t going to help and neither are ancedotes from strangers online. What you really need to do (in my opinion) is speak to your partner. If he doesn’t understand your boundaries then he needs to. If you are uncomfortable with a bachelor party, he also needs to know that. 

It doesn’t matter if anyone else on this site would be okay with strippers if you’re not. I really don’t think providing a list of acts to your partner would be beneficial for all the reasons that the person above me listed and because if he knows you well enough to marry you, he should know what will hurt you. 

I feel for you though as I am a worrier by nature and understand how consuming it can be. As such, I will share this. In university a close friend of mine was a stripper at private parties and if you really think it will help you, then I can answer questions via PM. Honestly I don’t think this is the best approach as it will vary and just because something happened at a party she danced at doesn’t mean it will happen at your partner’s. 

Post # 8
3 posts

I’ll answer your questions one by one, speaking as an ex dancer…

how often are the female fiancé’s involved with the planning and “picking” of the entertainment?Not often, but it’s not unheard of. We had a few women who came into the club during the daytime to play out the whole party, including themes, what type of girls, etc.

Has it made a difference?<br />Some girls made a huge effort to make their fiance’s bachelor party a really fun night. In those cases, I think it worked out well – girls tend to be on top of little details more than guys, and those parties were a lot more organized. 


Have you seen a gal help pick her guys entertainment, and turn out badly (ie the gal changing her mind last minute and freaking out)?<br />Not really. We did have one psycho burst into the club and physically attack her fiance for ‘cheating’ on her though – it was his bachelor party and he’d had one dance, but apparently this was cheating. 

Is it ever ideal to have the bride to be involved?<br />It can be beneficial for the bride to be involved, but only if she is a good sport. If women legitimately want their fiances to have a great night, there’s nothing wrong with helping to plan it. But if you are going to be a bundle of anxiety and constantly put a dampener on things by freaking out, then step away and leave it to him. 

And now, speaking as a fiancee….

When my man has his bachelor party, I will trust him wholeheartedly, because we love each other and I know that he wouldn’t do anything bad. My rules are ‘look but don’t touch’, and he respects that. I can’t be a control freak and try to micromanage every single thing he does, he’s an adult – he can cheat if he really wants to, but I know he won’t, because he loves me and wants to marry me. 

Really, you should be able to trust your man to not cheat on you, whether there are strippers around or not. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be getting married. 


Post # 9
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

I would like to say that I am not a stripper, dancer or in any similar or misguidedly judged career but i have no problem with those who are or who participate in these services.

If i had the body and could earn alot of money from dancing or topless waitressing then i would.. My Fiance would have no problem with it as i can confidently scream or lay out anyone as necessary and would be proud to say that is my beautiful woman.! As i would be proud of him if he walked around with his top off?!..

I am not concerned with Fiance going to a strip club or any other establishment of a similar nature as he doesnt like them and knows that he must always be truthful with me!.. if he did kiss, touch or do anything else with someone i must know! and cheating is the lie! a lapdance is not. I think the insecurity and distrust of relationships are more of the concern.

Personal experience of mine… I went to a club recently with some friends and we were happy to just dance in our group of respectully dressed girls but we were witness to a group of younger ladies wearing almost no clothes and dry humping any guy they could get their hands on.. in a normal club, not getting paid to do it.. (Free prostitutes?!)

Most well respected strip clubs have rules of no touching etc.. some just have shows and watching the natural form is…. natural..


In my opinion a bachelor party is to prove your ready for marrage.. My Fiance and i wouldnt mind having a waiter topless or lengere at our perspective funtions but ive seen naked men before and it doesnt interest me.. sexy waiter though serving us drinks would be a novelty.. ill stop.. i can go on forever..


cue the ridicule?!..

Post # 10
3 posts

Ooh, I forgot to mention – this is usually the case, but YMMV, but private strippers that come to your house usually go a lot further than strippers in a club. I worked in a club where we were not allowed to physically touch customers and had to keep at least 1 foot distance – if girls touched customers at all, they got fired. There was a VIP room, but it had glass walls, so nothing untoward could happen. It was a fairly high end club where all the girls wore floor length gowns, and I spent a lot of time being paid for conversation, even staying fully clothed – some guys just wanted a pretty girl to laugh at all their jokes for a few hours.  <br />As a contrast, some private strippers do all sorts of things that I think cross the line into prostitution, like getting guys to participate in toy shows, icky things with lollipops, dry humping, etc. No disrespect to any private strippers, it’s just not something that I am comfortable with – either doing it, or having my man participate in something like that. <br />If you are worried about boundaries, it might be worth going to a strip club or two just to see what goes on. Some clubs are dirty, some are surprisingly nice, but it’s hard to tell until you’ve been. If you slipped the girls some cash, I’m sure they would be willing to tell you a little about club rules, levels of contact, etc. 

Post # 12
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Nizzle:  I am a major over thinker too so I totally get why knowing all the finer details will help you feel more comfortable! I think if it will ease your mind and help you communicate clearly with your Fiance about your boundaries then you’re doing the right thing. It will also help you to stop your thoughts getting carried away!

I would say though that if you guys have a really good, trusting relationship, you won’t need to worry. Unless he’s a sleaze, he won’t want to do anything nasty or hurtful! To me, the look but don’t touch rule is a good one. Its simple, to the point, and personally I don’t think it’s asking too much.

Try not to worry too much about it – I know it’s easier said than done, my Fiance is not at ALL the strip club/partying type (he wants to play golf and go out for dinner for his bucks which I think is the cutest thing ever!) but a few of his friends who are organising the night are pretty out there and it makes me slightly nervous! But I would suggest to you, as I will do, trust that your Fiance is a good man and wouldn’t do anything disrespectful or hurtful towards you 😉

Post # 13
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, imo, any man worth his salt does not head to a strip club for his bachelor party if he knows his fiancee is so disturbed by it that she has sleepless nights and crying periods. You do NOT have to be okay with your man paying to get aroused by nude women. I doubt most women on here would be all right with their man watching a random woman on the street perform a striptease for him. Why does paying for it make it any different? Seems worse, actually.

Post # 14
325 posts
Helper bee

I’m always surprised when any mature, committed couple would allow stripclubs/other taboo topics where both people are not 100% on board to cause such drama in their relationship. Bachelor party or not. Is it really worth it? I just don’t get why a couple would risk putting any sort of unnecessary strain on their lifelong relationship over one night. Is it really so important to him that he feels ok leaving you in a panic over it for days on end?

If I ever tried to lay down any ground rules for Darling Husband going to a strip club, I’m pretty sure he would quickly realize “hey, she’s not 100% comfortable with it and it’s not worth causing disruption to my marriage”, and would simply drop it. Likewise, if I saw something was extremely important to my husband (stripclubs fortunately not being one of those things) and knew that I was being irrational, I would also drop it out of respect for him. 

Post # 15
323 posts
Helper bee

‘a bachelor party is to prove you’re ready for marriage’… Oh good God, I’m sorry but that’s potentially the most ignorant thing I’ve read on here yet.

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