(Closed) Calling FMIL "Mom"

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well I just refer to her by her first name – but that’s how she was introduced to me and, culturally, it’s pretty normal to refer to adults by their first name. Perhaps you could just ask your Future Mother-In-Law what she would like to be called?

My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law want me to refer to them as mum and dad, but that’s mostly because they don’t have a daughter and have been kinda looking to adopt me for a few years now. I don’t intend to call them mum and dad. Partly because I have my own parents that I love very much, and partly because I would like to make sure I’m recognised as an adult in my own right by them.

Post # 4
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m right there with you, after we got engaged she said you can call me Karen and I said omg no I would never call you by your first name!! She told me to just call her mom but it is a little strange, I’ve been lovingly calling her my “other mother” and she gets a kick out of it but yea Im really trying to naturally call her mom..

Post # 5
1430 posts
Bumble bee

I use her first name. I won’t ever be calling my Future Mother-In-Law Mom, too weird and unnatural feeling.

Post # 6
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’ve called my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name since I met her.

My mom calls her in-laws “mom” and “dad”, but they insisted and she says it so awkwardly, it probably kills her to do so but she just grins and bears it. It’s what they wanted and even after 38 years of marriage, she still can’t do it with a straight face.

If she wants it, maybe just go with it to make her happy? Or find a nickname you both agree on.

Like we call my mom’s mom “Ita”, short for abuelita. My dad happily picked up on that and still calls her that today.


Post # 7
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

I find it really unnatural also. She insists though, which is flattering. She felt the need to correct me once when she thought I called her “Mrs. Lastname” (I actually didn’t, but she heard me wrong) 🙂

Anyway… Unnatural-but-sweet. I guess I’ll eventually get used to it.

Post # 8
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Right now, I literally call her Future Mother-In-Law, she signs everything she sends me via faecbook, email or text message with Love, Future Mother-In-Law.

So I’ll probably call her Mother-In-Law.

Her name is Leigh [pronouced Lee], but I always want to pronounce it Lay, I don’t know why!

Like THIS!

Post # 9
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think most people call their in-laws by their first name. 

Post # 10
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mrs.stormylove:  +1

I call my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name. I am not close with her, she lives nowhere near me, and we dont speak often so calling her “mom” would be awkward for me. However, my mom calls my dad’s mother “mom.” She has also been around her since they were 15 (45 years) so I guess it is different.

Post # 11
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve always called both of my MILs and Future In-Laws by their first name. They insisted, and its what I would feel most comfortable with anyway.

Post # 12
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@rbabynorton:  Can’t do the mom thing… might be able to get to the first name thing though. 

Post # 13
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I call my Mother-In-Law “mom” since we’re extremely close, I’ve known her since I was 12, I’ve been talking to her as a mother figure that I couldn’t talk to my own mother in the same way since that age even if it was often over the phone and she prefers I call her “mom” and not her first name. She’s my mother figure in my life, not my mom. (I call my own mother by her first name typically and before anyone passes judgement, I was raised by a woman with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Facetious Disorder by Proxy [Munchausen by Proxy] which did a LOT of damage to me psychologically and I’m still trying to undo it all. I love my mother but I hate what she did to me, it’s complicated to say the least.)

My SIL calls my Mother-In-Law by her first name, my Mother-In-Law doesn’t want her calling her “mom” oddly enough. :

Post # 14
1037 posts
Bumble bee

I will call my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name, because she isn’t a warm and inviting person… (that’s another story though.)

HOWEVER, my mother would totally be upset if my Fiance didn’t call her “mom.” My mom is very old fashioned, and totally loves my Fiance like a son. My Fiance feels kind of uncomfortable with it, but my mom always tells him “you better call me mom!” lol.

Post # 15
1019 posts
Bumble bee

I refer to DBF’s mother by her first name, and all is well. Personally, calling her mom would rub me the wrong way – after all, I get annoyed when people my age have older siblings get engaged and say they’ll be getting a “new” sibling. Yes, they’re officially going to be family, but it’s not like a wedding will make their parents not their parents anymore.

OP, what culture are you from? I’m simply curious…would you be from somewhere in eastern or southeastern Asia by chance? 🙂 

Post # 16
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She’s asked me to call her by her first name, but I too come from a culture where that would NEVER happen; calling someone by their name is a huge no-no unless that person is younger than you or the same age and a very good friend. I call her by her name in emails but IRL I just try to avoid situations where I’d have to call her by her name. It’s actually easier than you’d think, haha.

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