(Closed) Calling FMIL "Mom"

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

My cousin’s wife calls his mom “Mother LastName”. Another cousin’s wife calls his mom “Mamma FirstName”. My sister & her SO just had a baby, so now it’s easy… they just call their ILs “Grandma” and “Grandpa”.

Post # 33
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would HATE calling my ILs Mom and Dad. IMO, I have a wonderful mom and dad and I am not looking to replace them any time soon.

I was introduced to them with first names, and that is what I call them. As far as I am concerned, we are all adults and equals. My vote’s for first names!

Post # 34
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I know my Future Mother-In-Law wants me to call her “mom” and signs all cards as “mom”. I can’t bring myself to call her mom though. I usually address her by her first name. I’m really close with my mom, and in a weird way, I think it’s disrespectful to my mom to call anyone else by her title. I like my Future Mother-In-Law, but I don’t see her as a “mom figure” to me.

Post # 35
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Sweet_Tea:  Ooo I like this idea.

I’m having issues with this, too, and am trying to figure out a middle ground. It is extremely uncomfortable for me to call people in older generations by their first names. This just isn’t done in either of the cultures I claim (Filipino and Texan). However, I am equally uncomfortable calling FI’s parents mom and dad. I just do my best not to call them anything, which is super awkward and can only last me so long.

Poor Fiance is in the same bind because my parents would love for him to call them mom and dad and also feel somewhat slighted at the idea of him calling them by their first names. However, he is less than 10yrs younger than my mom, so it makes him feel crazy stupid to call her mom. Oh well.

Post # 36
Member
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

FH will probably call my mom “Mom”. We went to Disney world and he called her everything from Mom to Ms. Firstname to Mrs. Lastname, so he’s still figuring it out. 

I’ll call my Future Mother-In-Law Mrs. Lastname. We have no relationship, so I don’t feel comfortable calling her anything else. 

Post # 37
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I call my in-laws by their first name, and wouldn’t feel comfortable calling them mom and dad. It just seems too unnatural, or like I’m giving them a title they don’t deserve. I like them, but I don’t hold them in the same esteem as I would my own parents. 

Post # 38
Member
2109 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I also avoid having to call them anything haha! It really isn’t hard. At some point I’ll need to but it just feels so awkward now. I met them when I was 15 and they were Mr. and Mrs. LastName. I will never call them Mom and Dad because they are not my parents, but I will eventually call them their first names.

Post # 39
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

In my FI’s culture, it’s apparently pretty standard to begin referring to my in-laws as “aunt [first name]” and “uncle [first name]” in arabic. Thankfully, neither of them care for that.

Post # 40
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m Egyptian and we also do not call older people by their first names, which is how my FIL’s want me to address them. We would also use ‘aunt/uncle’ I am totally incapable of calling them by their names and I really go out of my way to avoid addressing them directly if i’d have to use their names, I’m so awkward! Its just very uncomfortable for me. I’m actually looking forward to being married so I can just call them mom and dad- even though that is also a bit weird for me, it will be easier than using the first names which I clearly cannot do

Post # 41
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Mr. Sapphire’s mom and I talk mainly online so we affectionally call eachother Mother-In-Law and DIL. I may actually start calling her Mil instead of Mom. Mr. Sapphire calls my mom my her first name or “Your Mother.”

Post # 42
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I started off calling her Mrs. ABC, but after a few years with Darling Husband, she said to call her and her husband by first name. So I did, but in my culture, it’s rude to address elders by first name too, so I really just call her Mother-In-Law or first name intermittently.

Post # 43
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Mother-In-Law absolutely LOVES when I call her Mom.  It’s not a big deal to me since growing up, we (the grandkids) called our grandmother “mom”, not grandma.

Post # 44
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I call my in-laws by their first names.

Post # 45
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When Fiance and I started seeing each other in senior year of HS, I outright asked Future Mother-In-Law what she preferred to be called. I didn’t want to be disrespectful, but my parents divorced when I was little and I didn’t call either of my parents’ SOs by Mr./Ms. They were always first names. The same was with my friends’ parents. My mom hated being called Mrs./Ms. LastName and would say to my friends, “Please call me FirstName.” His parents prefer to be called Mr. And Mrs., so I always have. Some of his aunts and uncles didnt like the formality even before we were engaged, so I’d call them Uncle John or FI’sName’s Uncle John because I didn’t want to seem disrespectful. 

Then when Fiance and I called his parents after he proposed his mom was like, “I think you should start calling me mom now.” I still haven’t yet. It bothered my mom when I mentioned it, but only because my mom and I are not close. She was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me throughout my childhood and threatened to kill me if I didn’t lie when CPS investigated. As an adult I realize she has borderline personality disorder and I pity her more than scorn her, but we haven’t gotten any closer. She is still verbally abusive and emotionally too. Luckily, the physical abuse has stopped, but that doesn’t mean I trust her. I like her well enough. She’d be a great acquaintance despite being a terrible mother. 

To me, it makes me more excited to be able to call Future Mother-In-Law Mom because she really is an angel. If I could pick a mother, it would be her, and I feel blessed to have her in my life.

Despite all that, I still haven’t because old habits die hard. Maybe I will work up to it soon, but if not, I will try to mdealt he switch when we go dress shopping or at the wedding itself! 

Post # 46
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have always called my in-laws by their first names.  Unless you gave birth to me, you’re not Mom.

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