(Closed) Calling FMIL “Mom”?

posted 12 years ago in Family
Post # 3
58 posts
Worker bee

When I first was told this I was taken aback. I felt like I was put in such a weird position. I’m extremely close to my mom and in a sense it felt like verbal betrayal. I know my mom would definitely see it as such, so I couldn’t do this in front of my mother. No way! I’d get excommunicated!

I’ve gotten a little more adjusted to the idea though. The wedding has really made my relationship with Future Mother-In-Law closer, so I may actually do it. As of right now, I’m still on the fence.

Post # 5
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

My Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law have been married about six years now…I had hoped she’d have already sorted this out for me. I was just going to call them whatever she called them but I realized she doesn’t call Future Mother-In-Law or Future Father-In-Law anything…so that wasn’t so helpful. I couldn’t call them Mom and Dad though because…well, they’re not my Mom and Dad and my parents would freak the hell right out.

Post # 6
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery

It works out for me because I grew up calling my mom "mama" so it wouldn’t feel that weird to call my Future Mother-In-Law "mom." I will ask my mom how she feels about it before doing it though.

Post # 7
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah. I’ve thought about this – and honestly I just don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable calling her "mom" and DH doesn’t really care that I don’t. I’ll probably just call his parents by their names and same with him for mine. But this might be, for me, my mom and I have such an unusual relationship in the fact that growing up we’ve always been able to tell each other to shut up and call each other names and I’ll text her to tell her I’m at her favorite restaurant and she texts me back, "i hate you" (knowing full well, obviously, that she doesn’t) – it’s just how my mom and I talk. we just have the kind of relationship where it might <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>look like i’m being disrespectful, but I know where the line is and it’s just how she and I are…

So  because of that type of relationship that I have with my own – I honestly don’t think I <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>can call his mom "mom"…

His (step)brother and his wife live like 20 minutes from his parents (we live a good 2 hours) and they see them every single day. I know that my brother-in-law’s wife calls her "mom" but again they see her every day…however she calls his dad by his first name – of course though – my husband’s dad is actually my husband’s brother’s step-father, their mother is husband’s real mother (making my husband his mom’s step son…) and I think that’s <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>another reason I couldn’t call her mom.

Hope that didn’t confuse too much! lol

As far as you calling your own Future Mother-In-Law "mom" – talk to your mom about it and see how she feels, if you think it might be an issue. 

Post # 10
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, she isn’t my mom and i think it would be a huge slap in the face to my own mother. you kinow, the woman that birthed me and took care of me before she was EVER in the picture! Taht being said, i call my mom "mom" and a nick name I won’t share b/c it’s embarassing!! haha. I call my FI’s mom by her first name. If it works for you, kudos though. I would be upset if it were my kid. It’s like my Fiance referring to a close friend as HIS fi. But I’M his FI! Right? eh, you know what I mean.

Post # 11
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I know you expected more girls to say "I call her mom" but I also don’t and do not plan to call her mom

I know some people who do that…..but I don’t like it

I have a mom and then I have a "Jane"  

It works well for us

Sorry you were asked to call her that and now feel torn about what to do. Trust your gut and just do what feels right for YOU

Post # 12
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I still call my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law Mr. and Mrs G.. !! But they have made it clear that after the wedding they want me to call them Mom and Dad, and my parents feel the same way. It is very traditional in both our families, and both sets of parents don’t like when Children-in-Law’s call their parent-in-law’s by their first names. At this point Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law call themselves their first names to me in emails/cards, etc, but I don’t know what to do so I’ve stuck with Mr and Mrs. My Future Brother-In-Law calls FH’s parents by their first names but since I am Greek (as are they) and Future Brother-In-Law is not, I guess that’s why? And they don’t like it. So, I will definitely be doing the Mom and Dad for them but I’m secretly really scared/nervous about it! It just seems so WEIRD! FH actually calls his mom Mum (which I think is weird/awkward) so maybe I’ll call her Mum too, so it doesn’t feel like such a violation? Dad somehow seems easier, I’m not sure why. AHH! Stressful!! I’ll probably be one of those people doing the extended, two syllable "Hiii-iiiii" instead of "Hi _____" because I feel so awkward saying Mom/Dad to them!! 

Post # 13
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a great relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law and I know she loves me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to call her mom (or, as my Fiance and his brother call her, Ma).  I just call her by her first name, as does FBIL’s wife, which seems to be fine with her.  I’m not sure that my Fiance is even comfortable calling my parents by their first names yet, even though I know they want him to. 

I’ve always heard my mother call my dad’s mother "mom" very comfortably.  My mom’s mom passed away 15 years ago, but I’m pretty sure she called my dad’s mom "mom" even before then.  My parents have been together since age 17 and married since 19 (it’ll be 36 years this year), and both of my mom’s parents have passed away, so I’m sure she’s very comfortable with them and feels as if they are a second set of parents to her.

Post # 14
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

I could never. I just feel it is a huge slap in the face to my mom and well she isn’t my mom so why would I ever call her that. My mom and I have even spoken about it and she said it would upset her. My mom also said her sister in laws’s number one advice to her when she got married was establish what you call her early on and dont use mom or a variation. (My aunt was jealous my mom got to call my nanny Joan and she was stuck calling her mother for 30 years)

I just asked my Future In-Laws what they wanted me to call them. I got off easy in the sense my Fiance and his whole family actually call his mom by a pet name. So, that’s what I call her and I call Future Father-In-Law Bill. My friend, who is married, still call hers in laws Mr and Mrs, which I find very odd. I think its a personal preference and has a lot to do with the age of your ILs. When I asked how Future Mother-In-Law how she wanted to be addressed when we were still dating she mentioned her daughter in law called her nothing but she could call her mom, so I know she wouldn’t mind. I’m just not comfortable with it.

Post # 15
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

no way no how will i ever call my Future Mother-In-Law mom.  she is an amazing lady, very kind and sweet – but she is not and will never be my mom.  and that covers all forms of mom.  my mom is my mama, mommy and mom (plus some nicknames).  the same goes for for my pa, daddy, dad.

i am extremely close with my family – and there is no way i could use those terms of endearment with anybody else, as my sister and brother are my only sister and brother.

the good news is, my FI’s parents don’t expect me to call them mom and dad – and my parents don’t expect my Fiance to call them mom and dad.


Post # 16
40 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

Neither of my parents call the others "mom" or "dad" and I wouldnt ever consider calling the Future Mother-In-Law or Future Father-In-Law mom or dad! It wouldnt feel right!

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