Calling in Laws "mom" and "dad"! Dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What do you think I should do?
    Call them mom and dad regardless : (16 votes)
    26 %
    Call them X Mom, Y Dad : (10 votes)
    16 %
    Call them Mrs. Or Mr. +Their first names : (29 votes)
    48 %
    Don't talk to them 🤣 : (6 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    Do you have a good enough relationship to them to explain that? “Hi FH Mom and FH Dad I know the norm is ______ but I’d feel more comfortable calling you something else, what would you like it to be?” then they can decide. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    5252 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Why is their no poll options to just call them by their first name?  If you are also turkish and don’t like this tradition then it is possible that they wouldn’t be offended.  What does your husband think they would prefer? 

    Post # 4
    Member
    8070 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I would feel so uncomfortable calling my ILs mom/dad. I just use their first names.

    Post # 5
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    I’m about to be engaged myself and this crossed my mind recently. I feel the same way, im very cose with my family and although I love my future in laws, both sets (future fiances parents are divorced and both remarried) I think I would find it hard to call anyone but my own parents mom and dad. It just has special meaning to me and Idk if im comfortable using those names. We come from large italian families who can joke around and say fun things in convo and I thought of maybe test driving (for example) “Momma” and then her name- so “Momma Marion, Poppa Joe.” (I picture saying it with my hands in the quintessential italian pinched position lol. I dont think they would mind me not calling them mom or dad but if they did mind I would be open to other suggestions so that they feel comforatble and respected as well. Try tlaking to them, maybe they wouldnt mind or have something else in mind you can call them 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    2459 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would suggest you discuss this with your husband and come up with a plan together. I called my mother-in-law by her first name for the first 5 years of my marriage. Only in the last 12 months or so have I started calling her mom. 

    View original reply
    yupweredoingthis :  Yep, this wording is perfect. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    344 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    betyl :  You’ve only known them for a month or so, right? I would be super uncomfortable calling anyone “Mom” or “Dad” after a month. We just don’t have that type of relationship yet.

    Also

    “I didn’t put this as an option because calling anyone who’s so much older their own names are simply unacceptable

    This is actually the norm in a lot of Western countries. I call my SO’s parents by their own names, just like I call my boss, his boss, and the CEO of the large public company I work for by their first names, as all of these people have asked me to. You might not get the best advice on this board because cultures vary widely.

    See if they’d be okay with Mr. and Mrs.? That’s how my SO addresses my parents.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1615 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Could you call them Mama Sharon and papa Joey ( or whatever their first names are). That way you are still calling them mom and dad, but not the exact same as your parents, but also not straight up by only their first name? 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1615 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Or could you come up with your own unique nickname for them both? 

    Post # 11
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    View original reply
    betyl :  a lot of bee are American or Canadian. I’m Canadian and it is unheared to call your in-laws other than their first name. It would help us understand your issue if we know more context. You mentionned that your in-laws are Turkish. Are you Turkish? Do you live in turkey but was raise in western countries? 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4263 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

    View original reply
    betyl :  I initially felt weird about calling my in-laws mom and dad, too. I met them in June, my (now) husband proposed in October, and my Mother-In-Law told me that nothing would make her happier than me calling them “mom” and “dad” that Christmas. Hard to say no, right? lol It was hard because I didn’t know them as well at that point, but the more time I spent with them, the more I grew to love them and have my own relationships with them. I started using “mom and dad” on cards and in texts to them. I don’t remember exactly when it happened, probably after we got married, but it was like a flip switched and I was fine with it. 

    It helped that I don’t call my mom “mom” and I’m not particularly close to my dad. I didn’t feel like I was giving my own mother’s title to someone else. Maybe you can come up with another version of “mom” to call her and same for dad? That seems like an easy compromise to me.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    View original reply
    betyl :  Are you planning to have children soon?  A lot of couples refer to the in laws as the grandparent name once they’ve had kids (eg. Nanna, Grandma) 

    Post # 14
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I’m not comfortable calling my inlaws by mom or dad. So I use their first names. But it sounds like that’s not an option for you. I like the idea of calling them Mama and Papa X. Could you call them by their last name with the affectionate title? Like Mama Smith, Papa Smith? Or would that be insulting? Without knowing much about Turkish culture, it is hard to give advice. Are you Turkish? If not, maybe you could explain that’s not how it’s done where you’re from and look for an alternative. Otherwise, you may just have to deal. :/

    Post # 15
    Member
    14015 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I call them by their first names -but that’s not an option for you, I guess.  Personally, calling someone who isn’t my mother “mom” is inappropriate and disrespectful to my own mother.  To each their own.  I’d talk to your inlaws and see if you can find a happy medium. 

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