- 2 years ago
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
I also come from a culture where calling anyone elder to you by like 7+ years by their first name only is a HUGE no no. If any of my Pakistani friends called their Pakistani in-laws by their first name I’d double take so hard lol! It’s unheard of and considered super rude
OP, what do you call your Turkish friend’s Parents? Like we call all elder women “Auntie” and all elder men “uncle”. In our culture this is carried into in-laws too for those that don’t wanna call them mom and dad. Anything like this in Turkish culture?
I come from a similar background. I call my bf’s parents uncle X and aunty X but I’ve also been stressing about what to call them once we are married!
I voted call them mum and dad regardless. I think it’ll be weird at first but you’ll get used to it and there’s no harm in calling them mum and dad!
I think Mr & Mrs is too formal and X mum X dad doesn’t sound natural.. I cant even imagine calling them by their first name, that is like the most disrespectful thing you can do haha
I couldn’t imagine calling anyone much older than myself by their first name, unless it was requested that I do so.
My parents called my grandparents “mom” and “dad” (even though they didn’t always get along!) so I guess it seems normal to me. I call my future in laws Mom and Dad, which makes me very happy. I know my parents don’t feel slighted in the least. On the contrary, theyre delighted that I feel comfortable enough to call my in-laws mom and dad.
I am also Canadian, and I hate it when somone purports to speak for all of us. I have never called my in-laws by their first name, nor do most of my friends. Some do.
When I first married, I was not comfortable calling them Mom or Dad, so I called them Mom Smith and Dad Smith. It was comfortable for me and they were fine with it.
I would honestly just use mum/dad if not doing so would cause a huge double take from everyone around. By purposely using something else to address them you might end up with people reading something hugely negative from your choice which could cause more headaches than you could possibly forsee. If its too off putting maybe do –
mother <insert surname>
father <insert surname >
I wouldn’t be comfortable calling my Mother-In-Law mum, and I don’t think she’d like it either. My husband calls my parents by their first names. He’s only 10 years younger than my mum, I think it would be really weird if he was calling her mum!
I’m in the U.K., and virtually everyone I know just uses the first names. My parents and aunts and uncles all called their in-laws mum and dad though, so it could be a generational thing here.
I’m American, but my husband comes from a culture where it’d be totally disrespectful for me to call his parents by their first names, and that I should call them Mom and Dad. I’ve very successfully managed to not call them ANY name for about 7 years now. not sure if they’ve ever noticed, but they haven’t said anything to DH…..
I sort of avoid calling my in-laws by any name. I think I’ve used my MILs first name a few times (as requested by her), but I don’t think I’ve ever addressed my Father-In-Law directly by name. I still call my stepdad, whose been around since I was a toddler and served as my only father, by his first name. I’d find it odd then to start calling some guy I met a few years ago “Dad”.
I would say a good option to respect the culture would be to go with Mama X and Papa Y or something similar. That way it’s different from what you call your real parents, but not disrespectful. Overall, I’d just try to avoid addressing them by name.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to call my in laws mom or dad, I just use their first names (American bee here) and DH calls my father by his first name (my mother passed about 5 years ago but he also called her by her first name).
My mom would sometimes call her mother in law’s house (my grandma) and ask if “mom” was there if my gpa answered the phone. I actually remember asking her about it because I was young and I was thinking – wait, that’s not YOUR mom, that’s DAD’S mom! She basically just said that she calls her mom sometimes and it was sort of “whatever.” I will add though that my mom started dating my dad when she was 15, so perhaps it just got easier for her over the years? I don’t recall her ever calling my dad’s mom “mom” in person though, only on the phone.
I don’t know that there’s a right answer – the whole thing is strange when you think about it. If it’s a cultural thing I doubt your parents will take any offense, so it’s more just doing what you are most comfortable with, and maybe that will change with time, maybe not.
I agree with PP that it sounds like it would be best to get their take on things. They might feel uncomfortable too!
Customs do play a huge role though so I voted for call them mom and dad because I wouldn’t want to offend anyone and it sounds like you dont either.
I call my ILs by their first names but I live in the US and I feel like that’s the norm here.
My fiance and I call each others’ parents by their first names, but that’s the norm in our culture and social circles and that’s what they want to be called. If his parents preferred to be called Mom and Dad, I’d call them that.
Perhaps if you are not comfortable with calling them Mom and Dad, but that’s their preference, you can find a compromise? Maybe call your parents Mom and Dad and his parents an alternative of Mom and Dad?
GUYS! You are the best bunch! Thank you all for amazing comments, there are so many of them and thank you for being considerate of cultures and social etiquette when giving advice.
I will definitely check back in and later on as to what actually happened. Cheers!