(Closed) Calling it off

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First off, I am sorry you are going through these issues now, and I hope both you and your FI/SO come to an agreement that works best for both of you.

I would not advise sending out a card to those who received Save-The-Date Cards.  A card, IMO, seems to be something that is sent out for official dates, celebrations, invites, and so on. This is the sort of sad news people would prefer to hear by you personally, over the phone.  And if you two do carry on to get married all the power to you.  Just let your guests know that the wedding if off, but the two of you are still on (if that makes sense).  It just clears things up immediately so that later down the road if a wedding does happen then there won`t be confusion or judging.

Post # 4
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think you need to give people too much information – and I’m sure many will ask.  Call them up and say “we apologize for any inconvenience, however we’ve decided to postpone the wedding until further notice.  Hope all is well with you!”  Short and sweet.

Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry to hear this – I was in a similar situation and it was uncomfortable and saddening to say the least.

We had sent out Save-The-Date Cards as well and in the end, I only let my closest relatives know that the wedding had been cancelled, through a personal phone call or visit. Our guest list was very small and many of our friends found out through word of mouth.

We did end up ending our relationship. It was a toxic thing for both of us, and my fiancee had recently become physically abusive. If you feel that you’ve got a good thing going that has a few kinks in it, I would suggest trying couple’s therapy. Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@cantremember: Yes, I do know people who have called off a wedding and eventually got married. A friend of mine got engaged during her freshman year of college; she and her Darling Husband decided to call off the wedding, but they got married last month (they are now both college graduates).

My cousin recently called off her wedding, but she and her fiance are still a couple.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. 

I think it is mature and responsible of you to call off the wedding if you don’t feel 100% sure about it. There are some Bees who have gone ahead and tied the knot despite being unsure, and then they came on the Bee a few months into their marriages wanting advice about seeking a divorce. Marriage is a HUGE deal, so I’m glad you’re not taking it lightly.

Invites haven’t been sent out, so I honestly wouldn’t stress too much. Is there any way you could send out a mass e-mail or Facebook message to most of the people you sent Save-The-Date Cards to? No need to give details. You could just say, “_______ and I have decided at this point to postpone our wedding until further notice. As soon as we know when the date will be, we will let you know. We appreciate your love and support.” 

Post # 7
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say word of mouth regarding cancellation of the date that was on your STD’s. I had a friend who postponed her marriage after sending STD’s out…basically, word got around to me that, that date was no longer going to happen, and we would recieve something else by mail should the wedding be rescheduled. Honestly, I have no idea why they decided to postpone their wedding…could have been relationship issues, but the reason was cited as family problems. They did end up getting married a few months after their original date. 

Me and my fiance’ have just gon throug marriage prep. We were told lots of couples decide they aren’t ready and they seek professional counseling. They said many end up getting married 6 months or a year down the road. Basically, if you have serious problems….it doesnt’ mean you shouldn’t get married, but you do need to work them out before you do. 

You will be working on your relationship with your spouse forever, but getting the big ones under control is what your focus should be. You can’t make things perfect…you can’t plug every little hole in a leaky boat…just the big ones.

Post # 8
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had 4 friends call off weddings in 2010… and I never recieved any notice that it was going on.

I found out through facebook. Do you SO know you are calling off the wedding?

Post # 11
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think that task should be up to you…calling everyone. Have your MoH or your mother help you spread the word. I think you have enough to deal with right now without havin to explain yourself to everyone. I really think you are very brave for doing this. Alot of brides wouldn’t have the guts to follow through with changing their path when they know something isn’t right. 

You will be okay.

Post # 12
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cantremember: talk to him about before doing anything?

have you tried counseling?

Out of the 4 couples that broke up…0 are still together :

I know for fact that none of them went to counseling. I think counseling would help.

Post # 13
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cantremember:  Can you have close family members help?  Not sure the type of invitees, but with family member guests, it would certainly make sense for them to help make those calls.

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with PP, I think you should call and personally tell each guest who recieved a STD what is going on.

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