Post # 1
As I write this I am fairly certain that I will call off the wedding with under 4 months to go. I plan to think it over for about a week and see a therapist. There have been some recurring issues and lately it has become apparent to me that now is not the right time to get married.
I have a couple of questions for which I need the bees’ advice. First, Save-The-Date Cards have gone out to our mostly Out of Town guest list. How do we handle letting them know? Word of mouth or send another card by mail? If we send another card, how do we word it?
Second, I am not sure that we will break up. I feel the issues we have are resolvable with work on both of our parts. Do you know of anyone who has called off a wedding and eventually got married after working out their issues?
Post # 3
First off, I am sorry you are going through these issues now, and I hope both you and your FI/SO come to an agreement that works best for both of you.
I would not advise sending out a card to those who received Save-The-Date Cards. A card, IMO, seems to be something that is sent out for official dates, celebrations, invites, and so on. This is the sort of sad news people would prefer to hear by you personally, over the phone. And if you two do carry on to get married all the power to you. Just let your guests know that the wedding if off, but the two of you are still on (if that makes sense). It just clears things up immediately so that later down the road if a wedding does happen then there won`t be confusion or judging.
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to give people too much information – and I’m sure many will ask. Call them up and say “we apologize for any inconvenience, however we’ve decided to postpone the wedding until further notice. Hope all is well with you!” Short and sweet.
Post # 5
I’m sorry to hear this – I was in a similar situation and it was uncomfortable and saddening to say the least.
We had sent out Save-The-Date Cards as well and in the end, I only let my closest relatives know that the wedding had been cancelled, through a personal phone call or visit. Our guest list was very small and many of our friends found out through word of mouth.
We did end up ending our relationship. It was a toxic thing for both of us, and my fiancee had recently become physically abusive. If you feel that you’ve got a good thing going that has a few kinks in it, I would suggest trying couple’s therapy. Best of luck!
Post # 6
@cantremember: Yes, I do know people who have called off a wedding and eventually got married. A friend of mine got engaged during her freshman year of college; she and her Darling Husband decided to call off the wedding, but they got married last month (they are now both college graduates).
My cousin recently called off her wedding, but she and her fiance are still a couple.
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
I think it is mature and responsible of you to call off the wedding if you don’t feel 100% sure about it. There are some Bees who have gone ahead and tied the knot despite being unsure, and then they came on the Bee a few months into their marriages wanting advice about seeking a divorce. Marriage is a HUGE deal, so I’m glad you’re not taking it lightly.
Invites haven’t been sent out, so I honestly wouldn’t stress too much. Is there any way you could send out a mass e-mail or Facebook message to most of the people you sent Save-The-Date Cards to? No need to give details. You could just say, “_______ and I have decided at this point to postpone our wedding until further notice. As soon as we know when the date will be, we will let you know. We appreciate your love and support.”
Post # 7
I say word of mouth regarding cancellation of the date that was on your STD’s. I had a friend who postponed her marriage after sending STD’s out…basically, word got around to me that, that date was no longer going to happen, and we would recieve something else by mail should the wedding be rescheduled. Honestly, I have no idea why they decided to postpone their wedding…could have been relationship issues, but the reason was cited as family problems. They did end up getting married a few months after their original date.
Me and my fiance’ have just gon throug marriage prep. We were told lots of couples decide they aren’t ready and they seek professional counseling. They said many end up getting married 6 months or a year down the road. Basically, if you have serious problems….it doesnt’ mean you shouldn’t get married, but you do need to work them out before you do.
You will be working on your relationship with your spouse forever, but getting the big ones under control is what your focus should be. You can’t make things perfect…you can’t plug every little hole in a leaky boat…just the big ones.
Post # 8
I had 4 friends call off weddings in 2010… and I never recieved any notice that it was going on.
I found out through facebook. Do you SO know you are calling off the wedding?
Post # 9
Thanks for the kind words. We have 125 guests invited so the thought of calling each of these people is overwhelming at the moment. I don’t want to think about it much less talk about it 125 times! Perhaps I’ll feel up to it when the fog clears.
Post # 10
@aicila: I believe he knows it’s coming. We haven’t formally spoken about it yet but after our last few arguments he couldn’t possibly be shocked.
Post # 11
I don’t think that task should be up to you…calling everyone. Have your MoH or your mother help you spread the word. I think you have enough to deal with right now without havin to explain yourself to everyone. I really think you are very brave for doing this. Alot of brides wouldn’t have the guts to follow through with changing their path when they know something isn’t right.
You will be okay.
Post # 12
@cantremember: talk to him about before doing anything?
have you tried counseling?
Out of the 4 couples that broke up…0 are still together :
I know for fact that none of them went to counseling. I think counseling would help.
Post # 13
@cantremember: Can you have close family members help? Not sure the type of invitees, but with family member guests, it would certainly make sense for them to help make those calls.
Post # 14
@aicila: Oh yes, we’ll definitely talk before any announcement happens. We will surely try counseliing. Thanks.
@fresitachulita: Thanks for your kind words. As miserable as I felt for the last few weeks and especially last night, there was always an underlying feeling that I will be okay. And when I awoke this morning, I really felt like I had some clarity in my decision.
Post # 15
I agree with PP, I think you should call and personally tell each guest who recieved a STD what is going on.