(Closed) Calling it off

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Amstrife:  when I went through something similar my mom just kept on saying

“This to shall pass”

it was super helpful!

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Amstrife:  The cool thing about being an adult is YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT! So the people on the outskirts of your life who aren’t on a “need to know basis” don’t need to know anything other than, “we broke up.” If people don’t graciously leave the issue alone, I would say it’s a rather touchy subject, and change the course of the conversation. Or, “Let’s talk about something positive instead” can also help.

You’ll be ok.

Post # 7
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’ve been in a similar situation concerning calling off an engagement.  I can honestly say it was one of the hardest things I hae ever done, but I know it was for the best.  I know it hurts, but the people who love you will understand your decision.  Trust me, it’s better to do this now than to deal with something more hurtful in the future: divorce.  Hugs!!!

Post # 8
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Hbomb84:  Also, I forgot to mention… It is none of their business why you called it off and you do not own them an explanation!  🙂

Post # 9
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Amstrife:  That’s true, but anyone who matters in your life will be nothing but supportive of you. Good for you for being strong and following through with calling off a doomed engagement. You’ve won the hardest part of the battle. Carrying on social situations with grace is the easy part.

Post # 10
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

If you feel you have to add more, just say “I realized I am not at a place in my life where I am ready to get married.” Don’t add anything else! No matter how sympathetic people are, they will want to know why! People love drama and tragedy. It’s sick but true. So don’t give them reason to talk. That said, people who don’t know you very well, won’t care much. People who know you/love you will understand. Don’t feel embarrassed. It is your life. You said “I know he is not the one for me.” Some pain and awkwardness is worth far less than your future happiness. I’m happy for you that you made the right decision 🙂

Now you get to find the right guy and plan your real wedding!

Post # 11
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’ll get better.

It’s hard right now. It’ll be hard for a while. Because it’s always hard to let go of someone you love, even if you know in your heart it’s not right.  And there’s something so embarrassing about having a “failed” relationship. I don’t know why,  but it is. Just keep your head up.

But, it’ll get better. And in ten years, it’ll be this thing you remember, and you think, “God, I was young and naive. And so lucky I didn’t actually marry him.”

Right now, you should eat a lot of ice cream. Really rich ice cream, like Ben & Jerry’s. One with lots of chocolate. Or brownies. Or ice cream AND brownies. And you should watch some romantic movies and wallow. Because it’s really hard to remain completely sad and miserable when you’re watching tragic movies and eating really good ice cream.

And then you should take a nice hot shower, and if you’re going to cry, do it in the shower because it stops your eyes from getting so red and puffy. I don’t know why, but it does. 

 And then you should put on something that makes you feel pretty and go out and do something that makes you feel good. Call your girls and go dancing, or go to the bookstore and drink lattes and read German philosophers and look aloof, or whatever makes you happy.

And it’ll get better. 

Post # 12
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honey it really doesn’t matter what others think. What matters is doing what’s right for you! You will let good friends know the situation when you are ready and you really are not obligated to explain anything to anyone you don’t want to.

Post # 15
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

one of my friends got married last year to a man she knew was an alcoholic. this year is divorced and i look at her and i feel sad she wasnt strong enough to call it off in the beginning. she knew, but just let the wrong thing happen. lots of money and heartache later.  things don’t fix themselves, and there is nothing to be embarassed about by calling it off- i would think more highly of someone who did honestly. Hold your head up, live life, and wait for the actual prince charming!

Post # 16
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am sorry you are struggling and going through a hard time but let me say that I am very impressed that at such a young age you made that choice instead of ending up divorced a few years later. 

If people would really consider why they are getting married, there would not be so much divorce. I really hope that you heal soon. You seem like a strong woman who can do anything, I am sure that soon you will look back and be grateful that you made that choice. 

HUGS!!!

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