Post # 1
Hi bees, first time poster long time reader. I’m deciding on canceling my wedding because my Fiance hates when I bring up the wedding, he feels I’m financially getting myself into trouble. I’ve put like 95% of my money down. We still have another thousand to spend in the next three months. We are a young couple with two kids so I understand the dread of putting up more money. But if the only reason he doesn’t want to marry me is he doesn’t want to be the center of attention and pay up, I’m done. I’m tired of Hearing myself nag at him. I’m sure if I let the time pass he wouldn’t notice the wedding date already passed. I was so cloSe to my dream wedding. I talked to him and he just said I’m making a big deal out of nothin while I was crying
MY eyes out he is the love of my life and the father of my children. If him and I don’t work out I still want the opportunity to be married in the church to a man who wants nothing else but to Marry me? Should I cancel?
Post # 3
@MyrellaMayte: first of im so sorry your going Thur this sweet heart i will pray things work out for you guys. some guys just don’t get excited like us girls do about weddings.
id try to talk to him and ask him what he truly wants to be married to you.
what about eloping? less money and people? how much is your wedding budget? and how much has he put of his money towards the wedding?
Post # 4
my Fiance hated when i would bring up the wedding. this past year he has told me to stop talking about it and would get really upset because he had NEVER paid so much for something before. not a car or anything and it really scared him.
Now that we have almost the whole thing paid for, he is actually getting excited for the wedding. i would almost suggest that you just wait it out.
Post # 5
Is he freaking out about marriage itself, or about the wedding and how much money it’s costing? If it’s the wedding and the money, I think you should compromise with him because he does have a very valid point. Scale the wedding back, or elope. It’s his wedding too, so he should get a say in the kind of wedding it is. If he just doesn’t want to get married at all, there’s not much else you can do.
Post # 6
Hi ladies thanks for responding. I didn’t think anyone would. Hee hee.
ok on a serious note I’ve only spent $6000 on our wedding. For 150 people The restaurant I work at is catering friends from work are serving. Discount on photographer bcuz my drama class contracted him to film our many productions due to our referral. The Band are family friends. Cake done by my mom. Flower DIY $300. Church paid. Unbelievable Spanish reception location paid, it’s a city owned locatioN. all we need is that alcohol and marriage license. He has put in $300
Post # 7
@rosworms: Thanks for your suggestion. I want to wait it out. Ur I don’t want to be the only one enjoying that day looking back.
Post # 8
@strawbabies: Hey thanks for your input. I appreciate it. We have lived with each other for 5 years and have 2 kids. So it’s not not wanting to get married it’s the money. I know what he wants is important but coming from an alcoholic home and a bad example of what a marriage is I know I deserve a beautiful church wedding. He hates being the center of attention sO that’s another reason he doesn’t want a wedding.
Post # 9
Hey Date Twin!! Since everything is pretty much already paid for except the alcohol and marriage license, then I think you should just wait and see if he starts to relax now. My Fiance is stressing over $$$ big time now that we are getting that much closer and we still have to come up with over 2k (not a clue how we’ll get it, but we’ll figure out something). I’m not as stressed because we are always getting into financial binds and figuring them out together. Men just stress different than we do I guess.
Now, with all that being said, if its just the marriage he is stressing over then give him a break from the planning until everything is paid for and see if he relaxes. He might just be like my Fiance and is DREADING being the center of attention.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out!!!!
Post # 10
I definitely think you should sit down and talk to him and find out what he’s really upset about. If it’s just the money, then you should compromise: it seems like you aren’t on the same page. Yes, $6,000 so far is quite low for a wedding, but a lot of men don’t know much about the wedding industry at all–my dad for instance things he could plan a $50 wedding, haha (which is of course completley impossible: you can’t get a marriage license with that!). Do you have other things he thinks are more of priorities to spend the money on–bills, caring for your children, your mortgage/rent/buying a house, etc.? I know my SO is very practical and would rather we spend money on those things than something “frivolous” (as he sees it) like a wedding.
Of course, there’s still no reason you can’t have a special day–you might just need to compromise. Eloping/a very small destination wedding (not somewhere too far off, but somewhere far enough that you don’t have to invite a ton of people) might be the right thing for you in this scenario.
But if it’s about more than the wedding, it’s very important for you guys to talk it out now to save you heartache later and get on the same page.
Post # 11
@sianna1301: Aw thanks twin! glad to here ur in the same boat. I just feel like crap everYtime he shuts me up.
Post # 12
@RapunzelRapunzel: Thanks for ur post. I know I’d be heartbroken to tell my family it’s off. And embarrassed. We don’t have many expenses he just rents our duplex for $750 a month. some more Credit card bills too. But I want our kids to see we did it right and got married in the church.
Post # 13
He will enjoy it, he is just getting a little freaked out by the price tag, I’m sure. A lot of guys get nervous about taking this next step, which to us ladies makes no sense. Especially when you are already living together with children! I would wait it out, try to keep wedding talk to only the necessities and he will come around. Good luck to you.
Post # 14
Fiances are scary and he’s not thinking about the emotional attachment you have to the wedding. Even when I talk to my Fiance and ask him how he feels he’s just like “as long as it looks okay…” One thing I focused on was something that made my Fiance happy…and that’s food, so instead of constantly nagging him about colors, money etc. I told him hey…you pick out the food and cake and that made him happy.
Maybe its becoming your dream wedding and not the both of yours dream wedding. I think that it should include the husband just as much as the wife, so maybe you should see what he wants…if it is to spend less money then try to compromise… and get him more involved.