(Closed) Calling MIL by name or “Mom” – The Birthday Card Edition

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Should I...
    address the card with what my husband calls her (Ma)? : (9 votes)
    24 %
    address the card the way she signs things to both of us? Mommy! : (1 votes)
    3 %
    address the card with what I call her (first name)? : (12 votes)
    32 %
    slash it up - firstname/Ma : (6 votes)
    16 %
    omit the name all together : (8 votes)
    22 %
    write something else? : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3575 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I call my MiL by her first name as well: Maggie

    My husband calls her Mom, so I address cards from us:

     Maggie/Mom

     

    What about Betsy/Ma?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    A grown woman who refers to herself as Mommy to her adult children strikes me as strange.  Address it however you’re comfortable.  If she’s offended, she’ll get over it.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would go for “Ma”.  Any time I send something to my parents or my in-law’s I address it to Mom and/or Dad.  I think you should default to whatever their child calls them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2790 posts
    Sugar bee

    Usually I address cards to my Future Mother-In-Law with Mom, as if SO wrote them but I know she knows I wrote and signed them for the two of us. I like her though. She’s like a second mother to me.

    I would think that you could write Ma at the top, seeing as that is what he calls her. I would gag just writing mommy on a card for anyone. Freakin wierd. Will she say something if you don’t write Mom or mommy on it?

    Post # 7
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I do first names on cards, except to my Mom or Dad. I do first names for my step-parents as well, so it’s pretty uniform.

    I’m usually the one getting the card and stuff together. I’m sure Fiance would write my parents’ names on it if he were the one getting it together.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree with @Moose1209: I would address it as whatever the hubs calls her.  I call my Future Mother-In-Law “Mama FirstName” so if I’m addressing her that’s what I would say but if it’s something from both of us, I would default to what my Fiance calls her. But I get along really well with her.

    Use your best judgement for what would work best.  Family relationships are so complex and come with so many expectations.  I know I could never call my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name as it would be viewed as disrespectful by her and my OWN mom LOL

    Post # 9
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Given your history – I would totally buy one of those child giving their Mommy cards – like from a toddler with cartoon characters on it… haha… it could say:  Happy Birthday, Mommy!  

    🙂 🙂

    ok – now that that evil thought is over… I’d address it Dear Betsy/Ma (or mother) – since that’s how you both refer to her.  There’s no use in omitting one or the other, just because it’s coming from you both.

    Now you have me thinking about my own mother in law.  I don’t call her mom, I call her by her first name.  DH calls her mom.  I think I’d address the card:  Dear Mama HerLastName.  Could that possibly work for you?

    Post # 11
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I can only base my answer on my own experience but anything that comes from both Fiance and I, “Mom” is always used regardless of if it’s going to my mother or his. If either of our moms received something with both of our names on it and it was addressed to their first names, they would probably be kind of hurt (even though I do call my mother by her first name when I’m mad at her). 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @coconutmellie: I think it would call attention to that fact, actually.  And if she’s already a loon (making a big assumption here) then she would really have a cow.  I would avoid it all and just do “Ma.” 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @coconutmellie: I think it would call attention to that fact, actually.  And if she’s already a loon (making a big assumption here) then she would really have a cow.  I would avoid it all and just do “Ma.” 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    Ya I would probably just address it to “Ma”.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5095 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Honestly, someone who’s gonna get upset, is gonna get upset.  I don’t think you should feel pressured to call someone by a name you don’t feel comfortable with. I know my FI’s parents (his mom esp.) would like me to call them mom and dad (their other DIL does) but it weirds me out.  Especially because I have stepparents whom I’ve known decades longer than my Future In-Laws who I call by their first names.

    When I address cards to my mom from both me and Fiance, I write “Dear mom/Ellen.” She seems to like it just fine. But then, she’s easygoing like that, bless her.

    The topic ‘Calling MIL by name or “Mom” – The Birthday Card Edition’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors