Post # 1
This is my attempt to let someone know what’s happening. I got engaged 5 months ago to a man who I adore with all of my heart. I have been with him for 9 years. Things have been great for the past couple of years. We have matured a lot. Recently he has been bringing up the fact that he wishes I was different. This desire of wanting me to be different has been lingering in our relationship since we both started dating at the age 14. I grew up and I found myself and I don’t think he likes the person that I have been become. I am so heartbroken to say this but I needed to get it off my shoulder…we are thinking about calling off engraved engagement and our relationship. I am so heartbroken. I can’t even breathe or think. I bought my wedding dress and its sitting in my closet. I have an engagement ring that at this point feels more of an emotional burden when I look at it. I don’t think he will accept me for who I am. I feel so destroyed that we are considering leaving this. How can I confront my future. It’s almost 10 years of my life. I wish I could hide away and not cofront this at all. I love him so much. He one the one. He believes by talking about it we will figure it out…he has considered therapy since he keeps saying its 10 years and he loves me dearly. He blames himself for feeling like that…I cried all night last night. mis morning before work I cried and I am crying agai. On my way home. Nobody knows and it’s so difficult to keep this a secret. I need help. Please. I can’t take this anymore.
Post # 3
@butterfly1988: oh you poor thing. this is a horrible, horrible thing to go through, but i think you should give yourself a lot fo credit for being aware enough of yourself and your relationship to know this is a big thing – not being accepted for who you have become. it’s so difficult because you’ve been with him for so long, you are still so young and you should be proud of having grown into yourself. i know it might not feel like a silver lining now, but it is so good that you have realised this before you got married. when you’re with someone from such a young age, you can either grow up together or grow apart, and it’s neither person’s fault. you will get through this.
ETA: of course i don’t think this is a completely lost cause, but in any case it is a good thing you are thinking about this now before marriage.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
You’re young and this will work out for the best. Take time to grieve and then move on with your life.
Post # 5
@peonia: thank you for answering….I don’t feel like I will get through this….this is so difficult to accept. I keep asking myself what’s going to happen With me. He is my best friend. How do I confront everyone…I cant even confront myself…I am so heartbroken. I been wanting to cry all day….but since no one knows its difficult….
Post # 6
I’m so sorry that ur going thru this. I know that you’ve probably done this a million times but talk to him. Love is so precious and so rare…it’d be such a shame for u guys not to work out after almost a decade of knowing and loving eachother. The advice I would give is fight for what u have until u can fight no more. Maybe u guys can work it out….if not at least u won’t go thru life “what ifing”.
Post # 7
People grow SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much from age 14 to 23! i think it would be normal it need to adjust to the adults you are becomming. Please go to counselling and try to work things out before calling it quits. Put the engagement on hold for now and works things through. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t, but don’t just throw in the towel yet.
Post # 8
Luckily, you figured this out at 23! Most people change radically between 14 to 23, so it’s no surprise that you guys grew apart. Luckily, you have a ton of time to be free, and become a fabulous, interesting person for the person who is right for you!
Post # 9
@memo: thank you for your advice. I honestly don’t want to throw away 9 years. He keeps saying lets not make rash decisions and the only thing I do is make them. He has been asking to give it our best and I just want to quit. But I will take your advice. I don’t want to spend another 20 years of my life thinking what if we had gone counceling or talked about it like rational adults. But how can I confront it without getting so emotional? It’s so difficult.
Post # 10
@Mrs_Pacma its very difficult to speak to him when all I want to do is cry and blame him or myself. I do love him and I know he does. He cares so much for me..he has shown it so many times. I don’t want to leave this relationship an thinking what if I had done things differently….thank you for the encouragement…
Post # 11
@butterfly1988: it’s okay to get emotional. This is 9 years of your life on the line. don’t feel bad for feeling the way you’re feeling. I’d make an appointment asap. I think a therapist could help both of you say important things you may not know how to express otherwise. Good luck!
Post # 12
@butterfly1988: *Hugs* I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. I spent 7 out of 8 yrs married to someone that always told me “you’re not the person I married” and telling me I changed for the worse (ouch). I’m in my 30s now, but I walked away from that relationship, and have been better for it, even when it hurt me. I know it hurts something fierce right now, but you’re doing the right thing. If he cannot accept you for you NOW, things aren’t going to get better with a marriage.
Be strong hon, and don’t be shy if you have any questions or want to talk. Message me any time. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way.
Post # 13
I don’t know what to say? Do you think so couples therapy could help. Or give some closure. or something?
Post # 14
I would move out, try some therapy, and see what happens!
Just remember, men are always on their best behavior when the know they’re in trouble and about to lose you.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Post # 15
don’t stay in a relationship just because of how long it has been. stay in a relationship because it’s what you want and because it’s HEALTHY. try counseling, otherwise, you’re still young.
Post # 16
Tonight I want you to scream, yell, cuss, I dont really care what you do, then cry yourself to sleep. Tomorrow when you wake up, the pain will still be there and you will still have to deal with it, but I want you to pick your head up a little bit everyday. Nothing will be easy, but every new day will be a little bit better. Dealing with your pain and learning to overcome the obstacles of the breakup, and taking steps on moving forward are your only priorities from this day forward. The hell with the ring and the dress, this are nothing but objects. Sell the dress and the ring (if you can, some guys will want it back). Don’t worry about what people will say, they don’t hold the key to your happiness and well being. You are still young, very young, you have your whole future ahead of you. Sometimes God removes certain people and events in our lives to prepare us for something better. Good luck to you dear.