Calling off engagement, DW booked – Please Help

posted 3 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

How many people are you inviting? If its not many, then a personal call would be the best approach. 

Darling Husband and I went to my best friends wedding in Cabo in June of this year. She only had 50 people total, so it would be practical for her to reach out to them privately if she were in the same situation. 

With regard to destination weddings, they can consider it a vacation. Typically with vacation packages, if they booked that way, there are no refunds unless they got travelers insurance. We had booked our flights and room through Southwest Vacations and they were unrefundable. 

If your resort is close to the main city in Cabo, they can go enjoy themselves and consider it a vacation. If its like my friends, our resort was secluded and there was nothing else to do except be at the resort – that wouldnt be ideal for a vacation. 

Post # 4
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

lkk386 :  Please do not feel that way. You have NO reason to feel embarassed or ashamed.

Decide what you want to do before making any announcements.

Your family and friends LOVE you! Heck, they are willing to travel for your wedding!

They want you to be happy and you DESERVE to be happy. 

Your parents bought your dress for YOU. They want you to be happy.

Money spent does not compare to the heartbreak they would experience to see you unhappy.

 

Post # 5
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice on your relationship, but logistically, when my ex and I called off our wedding I phoned only two people. Everyone else got a standard email saying we were sorry to announce that, owing to issues that we felt couldn’t be resolved to lead to a happy marriage, we had decided to separate. I got nothing but sympathy and kind words from people. Good luck with your decision. 

Post # 7
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

lkk386 :  I am so sorry you’re going through this. 

First, get quite clear about your decision. Since you’re going to a counselor already, it might help to run it by the counselor and gain some clarity together around what feels like the best choice. 

I would just use the facebook group to make a joint statement, If you feel you two can work out an announcement together. You do NOT need to give anyone details. 

The sooner, the better, so people can cancel things. 

If people need personal conversations, they can get in touch. 

People usually understand that these things are really hard. 

My ex and I cancelled ours by announcement in the private group (we had not yet sent out invitations) and it was the easiest thing about the whole hard process. 

 

Whatver you do, do not let some discomfort of how to cancel keep you in a relationship and heading toward a wedding you aren’t ready for. 

The pain and discomfort of canceling will be over in a week or so, tops. 

Grieving is the hardest, but it’s better than being in a marriage and fighting every day. 

 

🙁 sending you support. 

Post # 8
Member
4991 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

lkk386 :  you’ve only been in therapy for a month. Would you be willing to keep attending therapy sessions and see if anything changes? Have you told the therapist all of this? Do you think that if the both of you worked less and had more time to connect on a 1:1 level it could help bring you back together? In the midst of very difficult times we tend to only see the worst of the situation. There must be something that drew you togerher and times that were better. I would give it all I got to make it work for the kids involved atleast. After giving it everything you have and if you still feel unhappy then atleast youll know it wasn’t from a lack of trying. Best of luck.

Post # 9
Member
3590 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

lkk386 :  I find it odd that the problems seemed to start pretty much immediately after engagement. Surely you had both faced stress prior to engagement. How did you handle it then vs now? What has changed? 

Did beccoming engaged seem to bring out insecurities or fears in one or both of you? You’ve both been married before so it’s not shocking if there are some fears/reservations there that were easier to ignore before making it official. 

Were one or both of you hiding certain traits, ideas, values or fears? 

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