Post # 1
Member
27 posts
Newbee
9 weeks away from my wedding. Everything is in place except for the dress is still in production. Some invitations were sent. Relative and friends already booked airplane and hotel.
Now I’m not sure. How can I tell everyone that the wedding is off? I’m feeling very embarrased because this is something I should have thought of earlier, but now I realized – 2 months away from my wedding!!!
We had a fight recently. The fight made me realized how everytime I’m upset about anything my Fiance does, he automatically takes it to a more extreme level and getting upset back at me, and I eventually have to be the one that made up with him. I have never ever recceived an apology from him in our entire relationship (2 years). I was ok doing it when we were in a relationship because I hate fighting, but the fact that we’re going to be married and I have to put up with this forever makes me feel uncomfortable.
Also I’m an immigrant from a completely different background than he is, and he just doesn’t get how important having my culture in our daily life is to me. When we moved in I altered my lifestyle to fit him, which I don’t mind, but the fact that my kids will not get to know my culture bother me. I talked to him several times about this, but he just doesn’t get it, for him it’s just something like: are we having italian food today or chinese food today, not a life style.
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
@newbeeaugust: It’s a brave decision but it’s the rest of of your life you need to think about.
My daughter also called off her Wedding with everything in place and had the same feelings, embarassed and guilt. Everyone will understand and support you.
Post # 4
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
@newbeeaugust: I think you’re making a brave decision by sticking up for yourself. As someone whose parents are immigrants, I cannot imagine having to raise my children without knowing my culture. A little (or a lot) of embarrassment now is nothing compared to a lifetime of unhappiness.
Post # 5
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
@somethingaquamarine: Well said.
Think this over. Is this just temporary annoyance? Can you put up with these issues for the rest of your life?
The embarrassment and guilt is temporary. Marrying someone you can’t get along with will likely drag out much longer.
Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m so sorry! The embarrasement will be shortlived compared to an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life. I agree, you are indeed brave to admit what you see and realize things won’t work. Best of luck to you.
Post # 7
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
When we took my step sister on her bachelorette weekend away, she ran into an old crush and spent most of the night talking to him at the bar. two weeks later she cancelled her wedding which was 6 weeks out. She just realized after talking to this man that the was marrying the completely wrong guy for her. I think most people probably felt she made a very brave decision even if they didnt understand it. 5 years later and I don’t think anyone now would say anything other than “she made the right choice”. Do what you need to do for you, and know that its what is right no matter what people think.
Post # 8
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
@newbeeaugust: I am sorry to hear you are calling off your wedding. I am sure your family will understand and support your decision. Being with someone who doesn’t want to share and/or appreciate your culture sounds very tough indeed and to me that’s a valid enough reason to not go through with the wedding.
Post # 9
Member
27 posts
Newbee
I wish i have more time to figure things out. I love him, i dont know if i can find someone like him. The culture thing despite my effort to explain to him how important it is to me, he just doesnt get it. I think it is something you either get it or not, and it is hard to get if you are not raised in that culture.
Post # 10
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
Maybe you could try a couples counseling and see if that can get through to him. Sometimes it helps having a third party to show him its not just you being emotional. If you have ben with him for 2 years and love him,it is worth a shot in my opinion.
Post # 11
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@newbeeaugust: The fact that there’s no compromise is a huge red flag. It may be embarrassing to call off a wedding but I’m sure everyone will support you. Your family and friends love you and just want you to be happy.
Post # 12
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
@newbeeaugust: Have you ever brought him to visit your home country?
It is generally tough for a person who isn’t exposed to other cultures to adapt the way they do things. It’s also tough for them to understand why we act the way we do. And you are right: culture goes beyond cuisine.
As well, I agree with PP that no compromise is a huge red flag.
Post # 13
Member
42 posts
Newbee
I’m sorry that you are going through this, but if he in not the right person for you then its better to do this now than after you are married. Your family will understand.
Maybe you need to take the time to work on things with your Fiance in which case you should postpone things for a while while you figure things out.
Post # 14
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
@newbeeaugust: My friend is going through a divorce at the moment at the tender age of 23. She also had a freakout moment on the night before her wedding. She realised that night that she was too young to get married and that her fiance was not at all the right man for her. But she went through with it anyway, thinking that 1) the feelings were only temporary and 2) it would be too embarrassing to cancel the wedding now that everyone had made their way in and everything was paid for.
She would give anything now to get that day back. She and her husband are both miserable and the divorce is wreaking emotional damage on them both every single day. Don’t make the same mistake – get out while you still can. Everyone will respect your decision.
Post # 15
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
@newbeeaugust: I agree with what the other bees are saying. Its his lack of consideration towards you ie your culture and never saying sorry, that’s a huge red flag. A broken engagement is always better than a broken marriage.
Huge hugs! x
Post # 16
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
I give a lot of people credit for calling off their wedding. If you’ve been with someone for a while and things don’t seem like they are changing, then you should move on. I know, probably easier said than done. But at least if you call off the wedding, you’re not just going through the motions for everyone else’s sake. Don’t be embarrassed, I think it’s better to not go through with it than to get divorced a few weeks later.
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