Post # 1
So like many emotional post this is may get kinda long…
So for about the past year and a half Fiance and I have been on the search for our first home. I recently obtained my real estate license and when that happened I took on a much bigger part of our house hunt; including the stress from both sides (bank and Fiance.) We have seen countless homes, had 5 failed offers/contracts and now on the 6th offer we found a house WE LOVE back in August. Since then we have been fighting(negotiating) with Bank of America to come down on the price of the house. They finally came down 10K 3 days before Thanksgiving and we accepted that offer. Since then we’ve been waiting for them to respond back with a written approval. We finally got that Friday but they are saying they are not going to pay any closing cost. That means that if FI and I want this house we would have to come up with 18K which is closing cost + our down payment. We can’t get that by January 14th which is our proposed settlement date.
We we’re stressing about having to pay for the down payment because the way that my broker/Fi’s BF was supposed to do it we weren’t gonna have to come up for much out of pocket, but that has since changed and most of our free money was going to planning our wedding. Fiance and I wanted this home more than we wanted the other 5 and it is so devastating to know that now I have to give up our dream of owning this home and raising our children there.
2nd Issue: Our budget for our wedding started out at about 35-40K. WE were planning a fabulous wedding at a museum in downtown Baltimore. Last week my Fiance tells me that he doesn’t know how he feels about spending all that money on “just a day.” So we practically cut the budget in half to about 15-20K. This whole past week I’ve been stressing about trying to let go of my vision for our 40K wedding (we’ve been planning since March) and try to find an equally nice place for the new budget. Now after we get this news about not being able to afford our “dream” house Fi decides he still doesn’t wanna spend that much money either. We were gonna have 150 ppl (mostly FI’s guest list) and he thinks $75-100pp is way too much. I KNOW the actual wedding doesn’t matter, its about the ceremony and I got it but I can only take but so much heartache in one day.
This wedding meant a lot to me. It’s not that we all of a sudden can’t afford a 40K wedding it’s that Fiance doesn’t want to spend it. He is “tired” of saving and stressing and just wants to be “free.” I understand his stress but I can’t help but to feel like I am compromising on something that means the world to me. I didn’t have a sweet sixteen, wasn’t allowed to go to jr prom, hated EVERYTHING about senior prom (dress, makeup, and date bailed due to death in family.) My wedding was supposed to be the one thing I could control and now Fiance says he just wants to go away and get married just the two of us. I wouldn’t mind that as much if I could include my family. It’s important to me that they be there and if we just get on a plane and go then they can’t. Besides my family is all over the US (Mom in AZ, Dad in SC, Grandparents in TX and I’m in D.C) and don’t necessarily have the means to come with us or to even see us off…
I’m just super disappointed and I don’t feel that I can show my emotions to my Fiance right now because he thinks I am understanding of all this and he is just in an overall good mood and I don’t want to ruin it. I would marry him tomorrow if I could, but I can’t help be a little selfish and say that I WANT my dream wedding or something damn close… Idk what to do. I mean Fiance knows I’m a bit disappointed, but he doesn’t know to this extent. I know I need to talk to him and I will tomorrow, but at this minute right now all I wanna do is break down and cry and be selfish that not only am I not getting my dream house or dream wedding, but I possibly won’t get any wedding. :o(
Post # 22
We ended up getting married at the Baltimore Museum of Industry instead and it was better than I ever imagined 🙂 And I have lived in Columbia since I was 10, so if need any advice on realtors, bankers, or neighborhoods I’d be happy to help 🙂
Post # 23
I don’t agree with your Fiance continuing to chop down your budget and going against your dream wedding. If you are both paying for the wedding, you should have an equal say in what amount you want to spend. I understand how you’d be feeling, because going from a 40k wedding to 7k wedding must really but a damper on your plans.
Tell him how you feel, and negotiate a mid point. Just becaues its “one day” doesn’t mean it doesn’t have significance.
Post # 24
Fiance and I talked about all of the stress and my feelings about the recent events yesterday and we have come to a conclusion… We’re STILL having a wedding!!! It’ll be half the budget we originally planned and I am SOOO okay with that. We are meeting with a new venue next week and will possibly be putting the deposit down to save our date. And to be honest, I actually like this new venue idea just as much if not more than the last and it it’ll be almost half the cost. :o)
We are also okay with “losing/giving up on” our desired house. We’re gonna foucus on the wedding plans for a little bit and put the house hunt on hold for a few months and then maybe in the spring check out some foreclosures and see where that gets us.
Thanks for all the help and advice, now I’m back to being my normally happy self. :o)
Post # 25
I am SO GLAD you talked to him and worked it all out!! Good luck to the two of you, I hope you end up finding a house you love even more and get it!
Post # 26
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I am glad to hear that you two talked things over and came to an agreement. You can have a lovely wedding on a $20k budget, and the housing market around here should still be just as dismal in the spring as it is now. I don’t see prices increasing dramatically any time soon!
Post # 27
@MrsDiddles: I would buy the dream house, a fabulous wedding dress, spend 5k on flowers and food and get married in my new home. You have your entire life to be happy, the wedding is not the end all be all. Its the marriage and relationship that counts. I would not stress my Fiance out about a dream wedding to make up for prior let downs in life. I’m sorry this is happening but you are a WOMAN. We can do anything, pull it together and create something fabulous that you can afford. Good luck.
Post # 28
So glad it worked out AND so glad you decided not to skip the wedding! I do understand what people are saying, but I think you can buy another house in 6 months or a year, and you only get one shot at the wedding 🙂 What venue are you considering?