(Closed) Calling your FI "husband" or "wife" before the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you care what title people give their FI?
    YES- You need to be married to have a husband/wife : (52 votes)
    24 %
    NO- I wouldn't care if he called her Dr. Batman. It doesn't affect me at all : (98 votes)
    45 %
    Meh- I'm mildly annoyed by it, but have more important things to think about : (69 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s annoying. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3778 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Sometimes I refer to FH as “my husband” because it rolls off the tongue easier than “fiance” IMO. I also say “husband” sometimes because I think “fiance” can sound pretentious in certain company. FH called me his “fiance” before we were even officially engaged, so I don’t see how it’s any different than that. I know we definitely don’t do it to be offensive to anyone, nor does it offend us either way.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7218 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It doesn’t bother me too much but I think it is a little strange.

    Post # 6
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @metalbride:  Ya, i’ve heard people say that and it’s irritating. you’re not married, why would you call them that?

    Post # 7
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @metalbride:  people accidentally refer to my Fiance as my husband all the time and I love it! lol. I never refer to him as such, he is my “fiance” to me, but I don’t correct other people when they say, “how did your husband do at his interview?” etc.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9202 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I think it’s kinda weird, but I also think it’s weird that your guy gets actually angry about it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it’s really annoying.

     

    Right after our friend B proposed to his girlfriend X, she bought him a ring about a week later, made him wear it, and started calling him her husband, and she demanded he call her his wife.

     

    She was crazy possessive though, and he has low self esteem.

     

    Shortly thereafter, and before their wedding, I was told I couldn’t be friends with him anymore, because I’m female. He had to stop talking to all of his female friends. Now the only people he hangs out with, are her friends. They’ve been married for ~4 years now. We’re all hoping good overcomes evil and they get a divorce.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @lolot:  This…lol

    We’ve called each other wife and husband since the engagement, but only on a rare occasion and just when it’s us.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2604 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @metalbride:  It would irk me too but, meh. 

    I admit I totally judge when an unmarried couple with no plans to marry call each other husband or wife.  If you’re not married, you’re not married.  Why reject marriage but then pretend you’re in one?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think it’s a little dumb and childish to call someone who isn’t your husband or wife that by that title.

     

    Just like people who are dating who do it.

     

    I think these days, when so many people get divorced, marriage doesn’t hold the same meaning as it used to so the titles are used more freely.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    What they call each other doesn’t matter to me. However, I can sympathize with your husband in a way. My parents like to say “Well your husband…” I cut them off right there and say “NOPE! NOT YET! He’s my fiance. That’s it. We aren’t married yet!”

     

    One of the things I don’t care for in our society is this laxed and lazy way of just rolling into things and basically saying “well we live together and have kids together so we’re practically married… so same thing.” NO! NO! NOT the same thing. It seems lazy to me. 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We only call each other husband and wife to people we don’t really know (i.e. with salespeople I may say “oh I’ll talk to my husband about it”).  But I don’t do it to people I actually know.  And I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else call each other husband/wife if they weren’t actually married.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1607 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I agree that marriage (title, idea, ceremony, legality) all mean a lot to me. I agree with a lot of the PP’s that hearing people who never intend to marry use the terms is annoying.

    That being said – we are almost 90 days out, we say it playing around. I think we do it mostly to get used to rolling off the tongue – the conversation changes it will cause. Like…practice? lol

    We don’t do it in public, just at home – and it’s kinda fun to play with the terms 🙂 But I feel like it’s more of us ‘getting ready’ then abusing the sanctity.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Artificial-Sweetener:  I agree.  I don’t think I’d be angry over it, but I do find it annoying and slightly immature – like you’re impatient or trying to play house.

    The topic ‘Calling your FI "husband" or "wife" before the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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