Post # 1
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
So I see Facebook polls so often on the bee, and today I have my own to post!
A girl on my friendslist called her boyfriend of a few months her “hubby.” People were confused, thinking they’d gotten married, and she got offended and went off on them for asking, saying that since her boyfriend lived with her and took care of her children, they were as “good as married” and that “a piece of paper means nothing.”
The post got a ton of comments, and people seemed split between thinking that she can call him whatever she wants and it’s not weird, and thinking that calling someone your husband when you’re not married sullies the “sacredness” of marriage.
I was just wondering how the bee would weigh in on this situation, as it seems that engaged and married bees would feel the strongest!
Post # 3
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
I wouldn’t do it…but I can see how some people might find it reasonable, if they’ve lived together for an extended period of time (I’m talking years…)
Your facebook friend though…no way.
Post # 4
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
Yea, it’s not appropriate, and it drives me up the bloody wall.
I still call my fh my boyfriend because I find saying ‘fiancé’ sounds snooty, lol, we’ve been together for nearly 8 years, have lived together for most of that and I won’t call him my husband till we’re married because right now, we’re not bloody married. I realize that piece of paper doesn’t change anything in the relationship, but it does change that you are NOT husband and wife.
Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@acciotoni: I know a lady who calls her SO her husband… but they’ve been together for like 25 years so she’s forgiven lol. Not that what I think matters, but IMO unless you’ve been together a VERY long time.. like 10+ yrs it’s just odd to call your bf ‘hubby’. If you want a hubby, get married.
Post # 6
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
I sometimes call m Fi my husband especially around other Latinos because in our culture it seems that if you have kids together it is expected to refer to them as such. I’ve called him my “boyfriend” before and have gotten corrected.
I really try not to do it because I feel like it will take away from the specialness of being able to call him that once we’re actually married.
I know Fi calls me his wife all the time. Especially when talking to his work crew or other people specifically in his circle.
I think it would depend on people’s relationship terms for me to feel as if they should be calling eachother as such or not. But, at the end of the day, it’s none of our business how other couples refer to eachother.
Post # 7
Member
7489 posts
Busy Beekeeper
It’s not that it sullies the sacredness of marriage, it’s that it sulllies the whole point of humanity evolving and developing language. Why have words if people can just randomly use them to mean something different from what everyone else in the world means? It’s so silly. Words have meanings. There’s a definition for the word “husband” and it’s different than the definition of the word “boyfriend.”
Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
I respect the terms “husband” and “wife” too much to use them casually, personally. But it’s not my right to tell people what they can call each other. I won’t lie, if they didn’t have a better reason then “We live together and he helps with the kids.” It would probably irritate me a bit. Which I know is silly, but in my opinion a husband is more than what it feels like is being described.
Post # 9
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
There are cases when this is okay, but your fb friend’s is not one of them. For example, my aunt and her partner have been together for like 15 years, have a 7 year old, and live together like a married couple. He, however, does not believe in marriage. My aunt often calls him her husband. it’s kind of the easier way to explain who he is in her life without having to go into detail for a casual introduction.
Post # 10
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I know a few people that do this, but they’ve been together so long that most people probably don’t realize they aren’t married, and I barely even remember that I didn’t go to their wedding.
Post # 11
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
The piece of paper does mean something. It means…he’s her husband. Not having it means…he isn’t. It’s a legal distinction.
Post # 12
Member
4963 posts
Honey bee
I do in situations where I don’t want to explain our living arrangement and impending wedding, or if some creeper is talking to me.
Post # 13
Member
7489 posts
Busy Beekeeper
By The Way, I do understand and agree with the concept of common-law marriage. So I don’t have a problem with people saying “husband” and “wife” if they’ve been living as husband and wife for some time, especially if they have kids. But a Boyfriend or Best Friend of a couple months… that’s just silly. I have every right to call my cat a dog or call my car a porpoise, but all that serves to do is confuse people and make me look dumb.
Post # 14
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
I voted “Other” because it depends on the couple. Been together a decade, live together, have kids together, etc.? Basically common law married. But if you haven’t been together long, it seems a little silly. What’s wrong with the term “partner” if you don’t like boyfriend?
Post # 15
Member
30 posts
Newbee
Depends on the region and the culture.
Fiance is from Hong Kong, and it seems to be the norm there. His whole family refer to his cousin and his live-in girlfriend of 3 years as husband/wife all the time. The first time I heard it I was confused, and asked… “Aren’t they still dating?” They just looked at me like I was nitpicking at technicalities. They treat each other like spouses, so everyone treats them like spouses too. Apparently in their language it’s normal for bf/gf to refer to each other as husband/wife.
*shrug*
I don’t call my Fiance “husband” because we’re not married yet, but for some reason my coworkers refer to him as my husband all the time, even though they’re also aware that we’re not legally married yet. But I don’t bother to correct them anymore because I know who they’re referring to anyway.
Post # 16
Member
30 posts
Newbee
Depends on the region and the culture.
Fiance is from Hong Kong, and it seems to be the norm there. His whole family refer to his cousin and his live-in girlfriend of 3 years as husband/wife all the time. The first time I heard it I was confused, and asked… “Aren’t they still dating?” They just looked at me like I was nitpicking at technicalities. They treat each other like spouses, so everyone treats them like spouses too. Apparently in their language it’s normal for bf/gf to refer to each other as husband/wife.
*shrug*
I don’t call my Fiance “husband” because we’re not married yet, but for some reason my coworkers refer to him as my husband all the time, even though they’re also aware that we’re not legally married yet. But I don’t bother to correct them anymore because I know who they’re referring to anyway.
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