(Closed) Calling yourself a 'wife' before you're engaged

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 106
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This deives me crazy.  However, in my area it seems to be a cultrual thing.  

Post # 107
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

The boyfriend and I have our relationship status on Facebook set to “married” but that was an inside joke lbetween the two of us. In private we joke about being married and his mother very kindly booked us a hotel once for a ski trip and referred to us as engaged but I would never constantly refer to us as married on social media posts or fake being married. But we have been dating for 9 years, sometimes it does feel like we are married. 

Post # 108
Member
9677 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ah, I guess I might drive people crazy… I used “mother in law” even before engagement.  I think on these forums I’d use Future Mother-In-Law, but it felt wierd to use in conversation… seemed so… certain.  I know Mother-In-Law seems even more certain, but to me it was just an easier thing to say then “the mother of my boyfriend”.  I’d use “Mark’s mum” if people knew my boyfriend… but otherwise I just say Mother-In-Law.  I hope I didn’t offend anyone… I was just lazy. :-/

That said, calling myself a wife or him a hubby before the fact would be SO wierd.

Post # 109
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I think “hubby” and “wifey” sound stupid in general, but that’s just me. I feel like people who refer to the other as husband/wife before getting engaged even are taking away the special feeling for themselves when they actually get engaged/married. We moved right after we got engaged (literally the day after) and my fiancé texted me and referred to me as fiancée and I was really excited. I was driving with his mother and gleefully exclaimed, “Josh just used the f-word!” and she said “WHAT?!” lol. Momentarily forgot that there was a BAD f-word. 

Post # 110
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Totally weird on social media! I’m certainly guilty of calling the future in-laws, in-laws from time to time, because it’s just easier sometimes, but we’ve also been together for 8 years. Sometimes strangers start referring to him as my husband and I don’t correct them because fiance still feels weird to say but he’s not really my boyfriend either – we feel pretty married already. By no means would it be okay for us to call each other husband/wife at this point, though. I don’t want to rush anything – we have a whole life in front of us I don’t want to rush through what we’re doing now!

 

That being said, I am getting business cards for my new job and I think I’m just going to go ahead and put my future married name on them since the wedding is in 3 months and I won’t use that many of them before I change my name. I’ll only be handing them out to people who I’ve just met, so even though it sort of creeps me out, it will just be easier in the long run.

Post # 111
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My Boyfriend or Best Friend sometimes refers to me as his wife.  I kindly remind him that I’m not his wife. 

He’s gotta come with a ring if he wants the benefit of calling me that. 

Post # 112
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the only way I would understand calling someone “husband/wife” before being married is if the couple was gay and living in a state where they were not legally allowed to get married. To me, that makes sense. 

But, after 6 years together and at our ages (28 and 31) people who we aren’t close to (the mailman, neighbors, etc.) will often ask me and Fiance, “how’s your husband/wife?” and in those cases it’s not really worth it to correct the person and explain things. We live together and have been together for years so it’s understandable that people would assume we’re married. I’d never refer to Fiance as my husband though. To me it’s a special thing we’ll be able to do after we’re married. 

Post # 113
Member
20 posts
Newbee

This is coming from a guy.

I deactivated my social media accounts long ago but if I ever heard/found out my girlfriend was calling herself my wife or calling me her husband, we’d have some serious issues.

Marriage isn’t something to make light of in my mind and I wouldn’t stand for it. She’s not entitled to marriage just because she wants it. It’s a two way street and it’s not something I would tolerate.

Post # 114
Member
3239 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve never called myself my SO’s wife, but his family often refer to me as ‘Future DIL” and his wife at times. I think that might be because we’re not early/mid 20’s anymore? I’m not sure.

I call his family the In Laws just because it’s easier to say than ‘My partners brothers wife’ or something like that.

Post # 115
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Fiance hates “Fiancé” (and I agree) so he started calling me half-wife. In turn I call him half-husband. But we really only do this at home. 

Post # 116
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

devinrenae:  My Darling Husband didn’t like the term fiancé either when we were engaged. I cant remember if we used an alternative.

Post # 117
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

There is a girl on my FB who does this and her boyfriend is significantly older than her. I think it would be less weird if she called him “daddy.” vom.

Post # 118
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

kimpossible87:  If they are choosing to NEVER marry, fine go ahead, but if you are both planning on getting married it just doesn’t feel right to call yourself wife and husband before that. 

My husband and I never did before we got married and we’d been together for 13 years before we got married. 

Post # 119
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee

I have to admit that before I was married I refured to my then boyfriend (now married) as my husband when we were out and about/ when I was talking about him to people. I moved from Washington, DC to a VERY small nown in North Carolina. Sadly, I was given a very hard time by some people for “living in sin.” It just made it easier to say we were married. Also no one wanted to hire me when I was unmarried (becasue I was not a local and had not “roots.”) I would like to point out that men in my area do not have the same proplem when seeking employment.  When my new neighbors moved in (unmarried) they looked sheepish when they said they were living togeather. I made a point of telling them that I lived for years with my hubby without a ring. Sadly people can be real jerks. 

 

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Ukulele4You.
Post # 120
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

AmazingAlex:  I don’t mean to sound like I am bringing down the legitimacy of your relationship at allllllll when I say this. But the answer to your question is faily simple; you are not married, therefore not a wife. The definition of wife is; A woman joined to another person in marriage.

The fact that you aren’t married does not in any way make your relationship any less special, important, valuable. It just means your not a wife, that’s all.

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