(Closed) Calm Down…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee

Yes. Everything. The way he mumbles/speaks softly so I can’t hear his reply. The way he is the most jumpy/nervous passenger ever. The way he doesn’t read my signals. I think lots of this is magnified because his sister has been visiting us since Wednesday. I think he is even more cautious, boring and weird when she is here. I have always thought she’s awesome, but today I’m thinking of her as a googly-eyed sock puppet! It could be the heat, the fact that SO has NOT made time to discuss his timeline for our relationship, and other stuff…been noticing his siblings who married both married a passionate extrovert like me. Maybe one of them could tell me how they manage being married to someone who is sedate? Thanks for giving me a place to rant. I would have reacted that way too. He can’t call you wife until you ARE his wife!

Post # 4
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I pretty much go mental (I internalize it as much as possible though) when SO calls me his “future wife”.  As though he’s not driving me crazy enough with his timeline…

Post # 6
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My boyfriend doesn’t call me that yet. Yesterday someone called me his wife and he didn’t correct them though.

His Mom has been introducing me to people for the last 1.5 years as her future daughter in law…I kinda liked that though…guess I know she likes me.

A friend of our was dating a girl, they just recently got engaged but before that we were having dinner with them and she referred to our friend as her fiance…we thought it was kind of weird.

Post # 7
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im in a real funk about the whole e thing at the moment i can’t really tell why though. it annoyes me that no matter how many conversations we have about timelines etc i never actually feel like i get an answer from him. anyway i digress, had a dream last night that he proposed, but woke up really annoyed that it hadn’t been real so when he asked me to pass him his tooth brush i acted like he’d just told me he’d slept with someone else. totally irrational!

Post # 8
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

oh i can relate! we were at a wedding. him, his bro, his bro’s Fiance, and i were in line to sign the guestbook. The Fiance signed the book as “mr and mrs j” since they were getting married in a few months. then my Boyfriend or Best Friend starts to sign it “mr and mrs j” too. I looked at him and said that’s NOT my name. yeah…i probably over reacted to it.

Post # 9
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Bahaha this is so me. A girl who we know has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend (now fiance) for honestly like a year and they were dating like a month when they got pregnant and I just got so pissed at him the other day and kind of yelled at him because she gets to be engaged and I have put in my time and NOTHING NADA ZIP ZILCH.

I know thats not how I want an engagement ring but it still irks me. Plus now there is a rumor going around that him and I are getting engaged after softball season and his really close friends have been asking alot about it. SEE!!! Everyone knows it coming so WHY IN HELL are you torturing me!!

Plus we got in a fight last weekend because he feels like i’m pressuring him (ok maybe I am a little) and i’m trying to be on my best behavior but its getting anoying. Ok I have now calmed down. Don’t feel like you are the only one whose really irritated.

Post # 11
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was all about the being called a wife is only for when you are actually going to be his wife.  It really has nothing to do with your situation and why you are mad that your bf calls you wife, but it is the reason why I was very particular about the term.  

And here is why:  In my grade 12 year (I was 17 at the time), my bf of about 10 months had graduated and was hanging around the school most days of the week.  I mean really…you graduated.  MOVE ON with your life.  Regardless of this, he knew I was a bit irritated with him being there all the time and I was busy with my own school work and clubs and meetings that I didn’t have time to constantly hang out with him.  He decided, one (fatal) day, to get me a card.  A wife card.  Not a card that he wrote “wife” on…nope…one that had “To my lovely wife…” printed right onto it.  WHAAAAT???  I am 17 years old!  I am NOT your wife!  On the inside of the card he had written all about how he can see our children growing up in the backyard and us growing old together and on it went.  Talk about coming on MUCH too strong.  Needless to say…we broke up that night.

I know that is not really helpful to your situation..but I hope you at least get a laugh out of it!  It sucks waiting and having everyone else making the comments about you getting engaged and calling you “wife”.  Many of us (me included!) have been there.  My FI’s mom told me to sign our RSVP for FI’s brother’s wedding last year as HisName and MyName HisLast….I wrote my last name.  It’s all about being realistic and keeping yourself sane!  And while it is tough right now, the waiting WILL be worth it when the proposal finally comes.  I wish you the best in not going crazy before that happens 🙂

Post # 12
271 posts
Helper bee

Totally with you on this one.  Do NOT call me wife, future wife, fiancee, daughter in law.  I’ll have none of it.  He’s cut it out because I would always have a snarky comment when he did.  But lately, his MOM has been introducing me as his fiancee and I have always glanced at my finger and said “really, when did that happen?” I don’t want to be called the title if I don’t actually have it.  So GIRLfriend it is.  Plus I love it when someone says “girlfriend?  you guys have been together forever? when are we going to upgrade that?”  LOL

Post # 13
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

agree! SO informed me as we were going to a work party: “just so you know when i talk about you at work I say fiance it just makes more sense”. Uh, no it doesnt, because we’re NOT ENGAGED! I was annoyed and hopeful at the same time but that was like 2 or 3 months ago and NO RING YET. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Post # 14
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I get livid when my boyfriend does stuff like this, which is often. Anytime he jokingly refers to me as his wife I get really mad and say “I am NOT your wife”. We have a dog together (well, she’s my dog, but when I moved in she came with me and my boyfriend is very attached to her now. When he refers to himself as “daddy” to our dog, I say to him “you’re not her daddy – you’re just mommy’s boyfriend!”And he is always like “I love your family”..and I always give him a sideways glance like…we’re not officially family in ANY way. Just two people who happen to be dating..

I seriously hate that stuff though…why so eager to refer to himself as my “hubby” or me as his “wifey” or our “family…and yet terrified or put off by the thought of getting engaged anytime soon? It’s like…I get that YOU think it’s fun to play house – not so fun for me…

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