(Closed) Calmly asked "What's our timeline?"…and got shut down.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Most people manage to plan weddings while working, so that’s kind of a silly reason.  Hey, if it doesn’t happen by then, get a part time job that summer that makes enough to hire a planner when the time comes!

 

Post # 3
Member
8480 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t need 18 months to plan a wedding by any means. 6 months is probably plenty.

Post # 4
Member
2072 posts
Buzzing bee

A timeline talk doesn’t always result in hearing what you want or getting answers sometimes the talk results in finding out you aren’t on the same page and deciding whether or not to compromise what you want or whether it’s worth waiting if you find out your relationship isn’t on the track you hope. In your case I would say try again in a few months, and instead of giving him all the power with statements such as you want to see what is coming tell him again it’s your life too and you need to find out if you’re on the same page that you are in a relationship that will lead to marriage within the next two years or soon after grad school.

Post # 5
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wait. Do you know that he’s going to ask, and this is just a matter of when? Because that’s what it sounds like. 

If you have agreed to get married but he hasn’t  asked officially yet and you’re trying to nail down the months you prefer to get married already, he might feel a little pushed. And really, your reasons for needing those two months aren’t compelling. Not everything is going to fall into our best laid plans, but it will still be great.

However, if you don’t even know if he’s going to ask or you have doubts or you are making life decisions that require info now, then that’s another story. I don’t think it’s fair for a partner to leave the other in the dark about future plans. If you feel this way, I’d just say so. After all, it’s your life too. Good luck bee!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by BalletParker.
Post # 6
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

OP, agree with 

View original reply
Tinatiny1: — would love more context to give an accurate perspective. 

Post # 7
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Tinatiny1:  

I’m wondering the same thing.  OP, have you had previous talks in which you agreed you are getting married?  So, it’s just a matter of the actual timeline?

Post # 8
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

12-18 months? I don’t think so that’s way to long to plan IMO. The first two months you’re busy then everything is at a standstill till two months before the wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How old are both of you and how long have you been dating?

I think you should trust your SO and let it happen when it’s right for both of you. The last thing you want is to feel worried after you get engaged that you’re only engaged because you pushed your SO into it. His responses seem to indicate he does want to marry you, just wants to manage the proposal himself, so you should try to have faith in that. His reference to August 2015 is pretty specific, may even mean he is planning it before or around then! 

I’m planning my wedding in 10 months while working a full time high pressured corporate job. It gets stressful at times but it’s mostly fun and not too hard. When you’re working it’s also a lot easier to save for the wedding and justify splurging on things you wouldn’t have been able to afford as a student. So there are benefits as well as downsides! 

Post # 10
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

By the time we get married, we’ll have had 5 months to plan our wedding for over 100 guests. It’s gone very smoothly. Both Fiance and I have full-time jobs.

Post # 11
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like he hasn’t even thought about a timeline and you caught him off-guard. Has the marriage talk happened yet?

Just based on what you posted it seems to me like you want it sooner than he does.

Post # 12
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

As for how long it takes to plan a wedding, I ask the bees to please understand it’s different in other areas. Where I am it takes a minimum of 1 year to plan and most venues are booked out about a year and a half in advance so if you don’t get the ball rolling early, you might miss out on the things you want.

Post # 15
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I understand your thought process, I have an “in my mind perfect plan” that would let me plan while still in school and get married before starting my crazy associate lawyer life. It happening afterwards would be okay off course but I understand why you would want it then.

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