(Closed) Calmly asked "What's our timeline?"…and got shut down.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I dunno, his response to me felt like avoidance.  Like he’s not ready to step up to the plate and isn’t planning on it.  I’d be weary OP.

Post # 62
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Westwood:  Might not be enough time to get the venue and date she wants.

Post # 63
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

poeticallygreen:  Hmm, based on the conversation it sounds like you were very reasonable and he wanted to just skirt around the issue.  I also initially assumed you were younger and not together that long but after 8 years you have more than a right to know what the general plan is! Sheesh!  If he won’t even commit to a year whether it’s 2016 or 2018 then I would absolutely have the conversation with him again and gently but firmly say, sorry hun, it’s just too vague for me.  In 2018 I’ll be 29 and we’ll have been together for 11 years and you can’t even tell me now whether we’ll be married by then?  If he’s anyway reasonable he’ll know that he has to give you more reassurance than that.

I think the wedding planning while a student vs while working isn’t really a deciding factor – you should tell him that.  What you want to know is what his plan is and whether it involves marrying you anytime soon.  As is always the disclaimer on these threads, are you prepared to walk if he won’t commit?  If not, then he unfortunately holds all the cards.

Good luck 🙂

 

Post # 64
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Two things:

1) Based on other threads and my experience, really push going to look at rings just for the “future, for someday, so he knows what you’ll want”.  If he won’t even go with you, that’s a HUGE red flag.  Tell him you don’t care if the ring comes in 6 months or a year but you want to make sure he knows your style, as you’ll someday be wearing that ring every single day for the rest of your life!! I asked my fiance if we could go 6 months before I actually got the ring, and it was exactly what I wanted.  🙂  <br />If you don’t ever go shopping with him, tell him having to switch out your ring will REALLY steal his thunder.  🙂

2) I’m a little worried for you though, because your fiance sounds a lot like my friend’s ex-boyfriend.. he kept her stringing along w/ work and school excuses until she was 31 and finally broke up with him.  

Post # 65
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

Many marriages end in divorce, DO NOT rush him, if he wants to marry you, wait until he propose Having things done right without any unnecessary presure is far better for the marriage, than 2 months in the summer. Take it easy dont probe too much

 

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