Post # 17
@mumeishi: Very cool that he was cool about it. Owning your sexuality is a very healthy thing and lots of people are happily bi-sexual. But you can let your Fiance know that no not all girls are attracted to girls. I’m only sexually attracted to men, so very on the hetero side. I think we are all just born with this preference thing, at least I guess so. But I personally have never even been bi-curious. Well, maybe a little, but only a very little. 😉
Post # 18
First, I love your FI’s response! What a great guy!
Second, I also considered myself bisexual for many years. Then I actually had sex with a girl. It wasn’t horrible, but it just didn’t “work” for me! I still think girls are smokin’ hot, but I it’s different from a desire to actually date them/have sex with them. And I identify as straight.
Post # 19
Good for you! No judgement from this corner whatsoever. Even happier for you that your Fiance was so understanding and supportive!
Post # 20
I totally get where you’re coming from and respect your guidance. To be honest, I’ve wondered that myself for a long time, but I think I’m pretty comfortable admitting that I straddle the divide rather than fall on one side of it. I say this mostly because while I may not have been exploring my physical sexuality for a long time, I’ve been “sorting out,” to use your words, my past sexual traumas for 10+ years (including therapy). I’m pretty comfortable with who I am otherwise, and I really feel like being bisexual is always something I wondered
about myself, and now it’s just a relief to say it. I also worried that Fiance would ask something similar when I told him, but he seems to be completely comfortable in our relationship as it is.
I do take your advice to heart, though, and appreciate your concern! I would never want to put Fiance or anyone else through that, and I’m sorry for the pain it must have caused in your family.
Post # 21
hey nothing wrong with that!! Everyone has their own preferences and desires 🙂
Post # 22
@mumeishi: It’s cool that he understands and trusts you without judgement! I’m glad you also seem to be comfortable with your sexuality. It can be hard, especially with the question of, “Are you sure you’re really bisexual and not this or that?” “How can you be attracted to both genders?” etc. Stay true to yourself; that’s the most important thing!
When I came out as bisexual to DH, his response was similar; it was more of an, “I know that already, silly. I love you. You’re awesome. Let’s discuss some hot celebrity women we like.” I have always known that I am equally attracted to both/all gender associations (as in I would be very comfortable dating someone that is transgender), but was afraid that DH wouldn’t take it well. Those fears turned out to be totally unfounded; he is completely okay with my sexuality. He knows I am with him for the long haul and that I may find people attractive but would never cheat on him. 🙂
Post # 23
I’m really glad to read your response! It does sound like you’ve thought through this a lot so I’m so happy that you have the support of your FI!
Post # 24
Sounds like you’ve got a great partner! I think queer is a great way to describe what you’re feeling; at the end of the day, you get to decide what you want to lable it (or if it even needs a lable!).
I’ve got gay friends who also like the term queer- there has been a reclaiming of the word and I think it does nicely to catch-all people who blend or seek to blur the gender and sexual orientation lines. In terms of sexual orientation, there are so many different terms- from heteroseuxality, to homosexuality with pan-sexuality and bisexuality among others also thrown in there. So, to me, queer is great!
Post # 25
In my opinion, bisexual means attracted to males and females. Biromantic means romantically attracted to males and females. Bisexual is usually used to encompass both.
It’s up to the OP how she chooses to identify, but I’m a bit surprised by people asking “are you sure?” Just my two cents.
I like the word queer, but it’s not for everyone. I use it because it’s a lot easier than explaining all the different identities I could otherwise tack on to myself. =P
Post # 26
Aaaaaaaaaaaah thank you so much for commenting you just made me feel 1000% better about this. Even though I’m totally comfortable with and certain in my attraction to men, I have been dreading the “but are you sure
you’re not gay?” comments because I’m not yet certain how to convince people how I feel and that I’m not. And I’m so glad that you also have someone so supportive and kind in your life! 🙂
Post # 27
@mumeishi: I think it’s really awesome that he took it so well! And, really, the whole trusting you not to cheat thing is pretty much the key. It doesn’t really matter WHO you’re attracted to if you’re also attracted to your SO and plan to be faithful. I guess the concern would be that since you haven’t acted on your attraction to women, you’re missing out and will be unsatisfied. But really- anyone who has only had one partner or a few partners or is settling down without exploring every last possibility is also “risking” that. Congratulations on being brave and honest!
Post # 28
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
@mumeishi: I don’t like it because I assign a negative connotation to it. I have a lot more racust, homophobic, ignorant family members than I would like to admit, so I guess I’ve never had any experiences where the word was used positively. Just a personal thing.
Post # 29
But I really DON’T understand! If you had said “oooh, don’t judge me, but I might be bi, so I cheated on my Fiance just to make sure”, then you might be getting flack!
Reading this, you both just seem… completely normal. Is there something I’m missing here? Some deep dark secret, LOL?
Post # 30
I think OP means queer in the sense of post-structuralist queer theory?
You know… queering the self?
Post # 31
That makes total sense! Thanks for taking the time to explain. 🙂
Hahaha okay well I guess the deep dark secret is that, considering some of the threads that have been going on lately, I honestly I was expecting a lot more “are you sure
you’re not gay?!” and “don’t marry the first person you’ve been intimate with!!” so I thought I would go anon. But seeing the amazing response, I obviously really, really didn’t need to 🙂