(Closed) Came out to FI about bisexuality, and his response was… (long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@mumeishi:  You’re so welcome! The important thing to remember is: it isn’t your job to convince other people that you are a certain sexuality. If you are, and you know you are, then you’re good- no one else (excluding your partner) matters.

Post # 64
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@FutureDrAtkins:  +1 for not liking the word queer.

View original reply
@Rachel631:  I get what you’re saying about the word and its potential usage as a synonym for “unfamiliar” or uncertain.. But in my life experiences, the only time I’ve heard it used is when someone is degrading someone else in a homophobic manner, which is why every time I see it on the bee, it just makes me uncomfortable (even when it’s the LGBT community themselves or those that are ‘uncertain’).

I don’t know, and I guess there are just certain words that are like nails on a chalkboard for me.. I hate the term “panties” and “moist” and I guess “queer” is another one. Not for what they potentially represent, but just the words. Anybody else have words they hate just for the sake of the word, not the definition?

Anyway, that’s totally off track. OP, I’m very glad that everything worked out so well between you and your FI! I’m sure that’s a load off your shoulders!

Post # 65
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

aw that was such a cute story hes a keeper!

Post # 66
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your Fiance sounds really supportive – that’s great! I know it must have been a difficult topic for you to broach, but you must be really glad that you did!

 

And I prefer the term “bendy” Tongue Out

Post # 67
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Ahh, your story sounds so much like mine. Except for I wasn’t bi, as I thought, I am in-fact gay. For as long as I can remember I have always liked girls, I thought everyone did. I was also attracted to boys and that’s who I dated because that is what girls did. I ended up marrying one all the while still finding girls attractive and sexually appealing. My husband at the time thought it was “hot” and would let me fool around with them. In the end I realized that no I wasn’t bi, that I was gay and once I had experienced same-sex relations, I could never look at opposite sex relations the same way. It took me years to end my marriage and finally be happy again. 

Personally, and this is just my opinion, I feel a lot of people use the term bi when they are in-fact gay. It’s safer than taking the leap to full on gay-dom. I can’t even start to count the number of people I know that came out as “bi”, tested the proverbial waters and when they felt safe, came out 100%. 

Post # 69
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

View original reply
@sillysillybee:  I have a bit of a head start here… I’m writing up a PhD in anthropology. Not on gender studies, but I do have a heads up on that as well.

Basically, I have an unfair advantage!

Post # 70
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@mumeishi:  What a cool Fiance you have! I remember a few years back, my younger sister pulled me aside and told me, quite nervously, that she thought she was bisexual. I gave her a big hug and told her that all I wanted for her was to be happy – whether that was with a man or woman!   She’s married to a lovely guy now. I think the key is, with any relationship, to be with the person that makes you the happiest – regardless of gender. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re more likely to cheat with the same sex, than a heterosexual person cheating with the opposite sex.

It’a funny that your Fiance had an inkling before you did!

Post # 71
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

@mumeishi:  aw, you’ve definitely found the one congrats!

Post # 72
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@sillysillybee:  “in MY mind (and my mind only), if someone is queer then that means they are gay, homosexual”

Not just your mind!  I always thought “queer” was slang for homosexual, which is why I was confused by OP’s labelling of herself!  But if it actually means “not completely heterosexual” then that makes more sense.  Huh.  Learn something new every day!

Post # 73
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

I was really nervous for you when I was reading this. But I’m so glad it ended well! I totally understand your use of the word queer. And I found that finding a label for myself was great and empowering too. 🙂 

Post # 74
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@lovelyMsValentine:  I totally don’t want to give the impression that I am discounting your personal experiences, and yet I do want to say that I know many, many people who came out as bisexual long ago and never went on to come out as gay. I get that you are sharing what you have seen to be true, but I want to offer another perspective. Repeating the theory that bisexuality is a sort of stepping stone in the process of coming out as gay is damaging and disrespectful to the people who truly ARE bisexual. Bisexuals have a hard enough time in our society as it is!

Post # 75
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

View original reply
@Rachel631:  I think of the term queer as ‘other’ due to complexities.  For a while, the Q LGBTQ was more known (at least here) as questioning rather than queer.  I know people who use the term queer because they are TG or were/are in relationships with those who are.  I realize that’s not the only use for it, but from what I saw in the OP my mind went to bi and not something more complex, so I asked.

Post # 76
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
@Jijitattoo:  I totally get that. That’s why I said in my personal experience this seems to be true. I know that people are bisexual and it works for them, but nobody in my life that has came out as bi has stayed that way. They either come out as gay or go back to being straight. lol 

The topic ‘Came out to FI about bisexuality, and his response was… (long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors