(Closed) Came out to FI about bisexuality, and his response was… (long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 78
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@FutureDrAtkins:  I live in a very gay friendly city (we’re hosting world pride next year!!!) and haven’t met a homophobic person in my life yet, though I’m sure they’re out there. My parents have tons of gay friends and one is a professor of queer and critical race theory, at one of the foremost sexuality studies programs. I don’t know where you come from or the climate in the States, but queer in LGBTQ circles is used only positively to highlight fluidity in sexuality.

It can refer to sexuality or gender (“gender-queer”) or both! It has to do with destabilizing dichotomies and spectrums of biology, sexuality, and gender. Regardless, when someone self-identifies as a certain term/pronoun/category/whatever, it’s best to go along with it to facilitate positive space. 

Post # 79
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3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@AB Bride:  the full spectrum is: LGBTQQ2IA

lesbian gay bisexual trans* queer | questioning 2-spirited intersex asexual

In sex ed in schools, they teach that the Q is questioning. LGBTQ organizations almost exclusively use queer. I used to work for Planned Parenthood’a TEACH program, and this is a common issue. The full spectrum is rarely used, but the Q most often understood as Queer.

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@Rachel631:  

Post # 80
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112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@beeintraining: Totally agree abou FI! Love it all, example of a real and supportive relationship..not everyone has that.

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@mumeishi:  I bet you feel so much better, now that you have that weight lifted! Good for you!

Post # 81
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Haha “aren’t all girls?” LOL. Hmm no advice, but I’m also attracted to women but haven’t told Dh since I don’t see the point since I never pursued a woman or anything.

Post # 82
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mumeishi:  Firstly, I disagree with your Fiance that all women are bisexual. I’m not homophobic and have no issue with bisexuality – but I have never in my life had any sexual or romantic feelings towards another woman. I can look at a famous person and go “She’s pretty” but I am 100% heterosexual. 

Glad your Fiance was so good about it, and didn’t judge you or jump to the conclusion that you’re going to cheat because you’re bi (which is complete BS – straight people are attracted to people outside of their relationship too! Attraction to both genders doesn’t mean you’re going to cheat!).

Post # 83
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918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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@lovelyMsValentine:  My Fiance is 45.  He knew in his late teens he was bisexual.  He’s still a bisexual.

Don’t assume that everyone is the same as you. 

Post # 84
Member
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Rachel631:  

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@letigre:  

+1000

I’m a gender studies major and I think you both did a great job of explaining!

 

Post # 85
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@sugarpea:  Thanks! I’ve actually never studied gender studies, but I’m dabbling in some of the stuff on prostitution to write one of my chapters at the moment. I’m also familiar with Judith Butler… I use some of her theories to interrogate racial “otherness” in Asia.

Post # 86
Hostess
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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@letigre:  I’m from Chicago and grew up around peers that are extremely accepting of anyone. I find myself to be the same way. My mom’s family, that I am in no way proud of, is from TN. She’s 1 of 8 children and her mother was 1 of 13. My mom is suuuuper accepting, but OMG her brothers are such a disgrace. They drive around with Confederate flags on their trucks…ugh. These are the people I grew up around and they were *not* accepting. They only time I ever heard the word queer was as derogatory slang. To me, it sounds as bad as the N word. It’s the personal connotation I associate with the word. The only way I can describe it is that I get the same visceral reaction as I would to the word ‘queer’ as I would to the word ‘faggot’ or the N word :/ I guess I’ll have to make myself get used to it.

I went to a small private institution and studied engineering. The environment was white male-centric. There were absolutely no gender classes offered at my college, so I guess I am pretty ignorant when it comes to the topic. 

Post # 87
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9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@lovelyMsValentine:  I don’t get how someone is NOT bisexual if they have same-sex partners and then opposite-sex partners, and end up with one or the other.  Being with someone is not the definition of being bi…it’s who you’re attracted to.  I am personally attracted to both men and women, but I ended up falling in love with a man.  It could have gone the other way, I think.  But that doesn’t mean I’m straight…it means I’m still bi, but with a man.  If I were with a woman, I wouldn’t be 100% gay, I would still be me, bisexual peachacid, rocking it with a girl.  

 

 

Post # 88
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@FutureDrAtkins:  oh wow, the connotation it has for you seriously gave me shivers! My parents’ friend (queer theory prof) always jokes about how his work is basically “nothing and everything” because queer is all encompassing. You can be traditionally straight (cisgender female attracted to cisgender males) and still be queer. It’s really interesting! You should look into it and hopefully see how factions of the conventional LGBT community see being queer as liberating.

Post # 89
Hostess
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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@letigre:  Yeah, the term is very jarring to my ear. It’s just from personal experience and I agree that I should maybe take a class or get involved so that it no longer has such a negative connotation for me. I knew that they use the term much more openly in the community, but honestly until this thread I had no idea that it signifies the fluidity of human sexuality. Thanks for the insights!

Post # 90
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3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@Rachel631:  I took a summer abroad seminar in Europe to study with Judith Butler!!! SHE CHANGED MY LIFE! She is very calm and the most eloquent person I have ever met. Thinking back on it, I was so enamoured by her that I spent those weeks totally questioning myself, haha. I had previously read her work, but when I got back, I had to chuck my entire thesis and start over. ….which made me hate academia and not pursue a PhD. THANKS JUDITH BUTLER! 

Post # 91
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@letigre:  That’s amazing! I always imagined that she would be very forthright and stern, actually.

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