Can a cheater really change?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Does a cheater ever stop cheating?

    Once a cheater, always a cheater

    A cheater can change

  • Post # 2
    Member
    3381 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    bride2be2k18 :  i think this question is a drastic oversimplification. There are tons of reasons why people cheat, and depending on what those reasons are will very much affect whether it continues to happen. Your ex isn’t going to stop cheating on YOU. so stop getting back together with him. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    710 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2000

    I wish I had read the post before voting..

    he seems like an ass to be honest I was thinking a one time thing and you were having a hard time moving on..

    He will not stop you need to stop allowing yourself to be his comfy pair of jeans so to speak it will just keep happening mean while your self worth and self esteem is gone!

    do yourself a favor break it off for good!

    Post # 4
    Member
    10371 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Cheaters CAN change but usually it takes a new relationship and new person for that change to happen, i.e. meeting the right person. 

    If he’s already cheated on you this many times it means you aren’t right for each other, the two of you are just too scared to actually let go. 

    My your boyfriend/ex/whatever isn’t going to magically wake up one day and stop being a shitty partner. He’s going to continue this pattern until one of you finally gets bored and leaves for good. You aren’t the right people for each other, if you were he wouldn’t be sticking his dick in any and everything that has a hole big enough. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1909 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    I believe that once a cheater always a cheater but if they are truly sorry and remorseful they can change

    Post # 7
    Member
    596 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Cheating is usually a secondary action to a bigger problem and 9 times out of 10 there is a reason for why someone cheats, ie. self worth, additiction, etc. Unless someone addresses the reasons why they are cheating head on and work through that, cheating will still happen and there will be no change, doesnt matter who the partner is. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    15039 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think once a cheated on *you*, more likely to be a cheater again.  In your case, sorry, but obviously you’re a back up imo.  You’re there when there’s no one else and until he finds someone else again based on that pattern.  There are probably serial cheaters that will always be, but I don’t think once a cheater, always a cheater on everyone in the future for everyone.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2060 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    View original reply
    bride2be2k18 :  I think you got your answer after the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time he cheated. HE is clearly once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t know why you’d take a scumbag back that has already proven that to you multiple times. I’ve been cheated on and left with a quickness because I won’t stay around to find out if they’re *always* a cheater or not. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5155 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    bride2be2k18 :  I don’t believe when people say “once a cheater, always a cheater” because I do believe SOME (not all) people are capable of changing. It depends on the situation as well. People cheat for various reasons. Sometimes it’s because the opportunity is just there. Sometimes it’s because they are emotionally vulnerable and their current relationship is not meeting their needs (still cheating). Then there’s the rest who will just stop at nothing.

    I agree with what slomotion said. Usually it takes for them to meet the right person before they stop cheating. I have witnessed this with people I know through time.  For your particular situation, I don’t think it will change. You did not do yourself a favor by taking him back multiple times after he cheated on you. At this point, he is in a complacent position that he feels he can do whatever he wants without any consequences. It seems like he has lost all respect for you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    10337 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Why do you keep making posts asking if you should get back together with this jackass? No, honey. He’s a loser. Move on!

    Post # 12
    Member
    11373 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    bride2be2k18 :  

    Anything is possible with humans.  But, the odds are against it.

    Anyone can make a terrible mistake.  A normal, healthy person is filled with remorse and rededicates himself to the primary relationship.  He does everything in his power to restore his partner’s faith in him.  He does a brutal self examination.  And he is extraordinarily patient with his partner, understanding her trauma.

    Repeat offenders are generally character disordered.  It’s just who they are.  They’re lacking both integrity and empathy.  You’ll be able to recognize them.  They put on defenses for their behavior.  

    In your case, there is absolutely no reason to even think about taking this guy back.  He has a serious character disorder, which he has done you the favor of revealing.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I think you need to let this guy go, you seem really hung up that he called you and wanted to get back but then you post about him bringing the new girl on a family vacation. You keep asking if you should get back now if you think he can change. Obviously not if he’s trying to cheat on his new gf. Focus on you and stop wondering if he will change or if you should go back to him while he’s in another relationship. I’m sure it’s hard but you really need to not put any more thought into this guy. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2914 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Some cheaters can, of course, learn from an experience and change – especially if it was a one-time thing. Serial cheaters, nope. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4694 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    bride2be2k18 :  It just dumbfounded me that he called me while he was with his new gf wanting to get back together with me. 

     

    See I really don’t know why you’re suprised with this. He is a compulsive cheater and you’ve continued to take him back every time he has asked and  you even entertained this current ask back by keeping in contact and picking up his phone calls. He knows you’re open and receptive to him and the dude is looking for an easy lay to cheat on his current Girlfriend because HE IS A CHEATER!!

    Block his number and move on. He isn’t contacting you because he thinks you’re the special one  he loves, who got away. Stop entertaining that idea because that isn’t the case. I guarantee that if you take him back and he will cheat on you again, pure and simple. 

    Once a cheater, always a cheater isn’t true in some cases but with this guy that is 100 percent true! (Well at least at this point in time and with you) 

    Also remember to BLOCK his cheating ass ASAP!

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