Post # 1
A big thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my message last year and kick my awful ex to the curb. It was so lovely to have such a supportive network of women when I was sad and alone at the other side of the world.
After the break up, I took a year to just focus on me. Plus, dating options in Cambodia are a bit limited.
So last month, I went on a month long sojourn with six friends through Peru and Bolivia. At first, it was supposed to be just myself and four friends (one couple and two single gals) but one of my friends asked if a friend of hers could join us – the more the merrier. Let’s call this friend of a friend Brian. So my flight and Brian’s flight arrived at around the same time so we had decided to meet at the airport and share a cab to join the others at the hotel. So Brian and I meet at the airport for the first time and we have an instant connection. Let me say I have never been so grateful I put on a bit of concealer, mascara and lipgloss before I landed. To cut a long story short, Brian and I spend the next month attached at the hip. Our friends even joked that they felt like they were intruding on our honeymoon. I do not believe that you have just one soul mate but I truly believe he is one of mine. I have never fallen for someone so fast.
If that was the end of the story, I would not be on here asking for advice. So the catch (and it is a BIG catch) is that Brian lives in Germany and I have just moved to Namibia. The last few days of the trip we talked extensively about the feasibility of continuing our relationship. We both decided that we owe it to ourselves to at least give it a try. So Brian booked a ticket and is coming to visit me next week (woohoo). We have agreed that this is an exploratory trip, we will see how our relationship fares ‘in the real world’ and whether or not we really want to commit to this. I am excited but very nervous. I have learned first hand that love is not enough and that long distance is extremely challenging.
I want to make sure I am approaching this with a level-head and not with stars in my eyes.Bees, how realistic is it to embark on a long distance relationship when your only foundation is having spent 4 weeks together travelling?
Post # 2
I honestly think chances are slim that you would be able to sustain a relationship. For one, you only know him in “vacation” context and not in the real world. On vacation everything seems so fabulous and perfect so it is hard to know if you could sustain a relationship. Not to mention you already mentioned the distance, which does not make things any easier.
Of course if you want to try things out and see if it works by all means do that, but I do not think either of you should make any major life choices or changes (i.e. moving to be closer to each other) until you have been together long distance for at least a year. Figure out how to be a long distance couple while still maintaining your own lives. If after that year is up and you are still together and happy, then decide if it is worth the major sacrifices to be together.
Personally I would not pursue it. There are so many unknowns, and of course long distance relationships abroad are insanely difficult.
Post # 3
This sounds like the best meet-cute story of all time. I’m someone who tends to make boring and safe choices and I still think you should go for it. Worst case scenario, you’re out the cost of a plane ticket or two if you make a few visits back and forth and decide it’s not going to work out.
Post # 4
I have a friend who met her Darling Husband on a scuba trip and they married after a 10 year LDR. I never thought it would happen but it did and they’re very happy.
Post # 5
Dude, definitely go for it. Of course it’s going to be a challenge, but if this is “right” then you will both find yourselves willing to make the sacrifices and compromises necessary to make the relationship work. And if not, then you’ll eventually realize it’s not worth the trouble, and move on to something else.
Post # 6
Just wait and see how it goes next week when he comes over?
Post # 7
I hardly met my fiancé (was at a mutual friends house for an hour or two, barely spoke to fi in that time) but we continued to talk on MSN! LDR for 6 months, then I moved to his city. We have now been together for 6 years and will be married next June.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Everything is possible; trust your instincts.
Post # 9
My best friend’s parents met on a train, and they’re the most happily married people I know! So anything is possible, really.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
He’s coming to visit which is great. So just start there. It’s clear you guys have feelings for each other so just see how the trip plays out. If at the end of the trip you want to make a go of it, do so. I wouldn’t suggest either one of you uproot your lives just yet, but whether you are long distance or not, every relationship starts with two people deciding to make a go of it. You can’t be sure if it will work, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. If it doesn’t work it will hurt, but at least you won’t be left wondering what could have happened if you had just given it a shot.
Long distance can be very hard, but it’s not impossible.
Post # 11
To be honest, all I did was reaD the title of this post and came straight here to say, “no”
i met a guy in Hawaii and after one night he was obsessed with me. Like obsessed. I was equally taken with him. we were instantly connected after one night, One glance really. He took my hand three minutes after meeting him and never let go the whole night. We spent the night together (no sex) kissing the whole night like high schoolers. he texted me every two minutes the next day after, we met up again, and the way he treated me felt like holy shit this is real, this is really happening. I left Hawaii, he was still obsessed with me but I lived in San Francisco, so it was tough. we kept up for two months (skyping, early morning phone calls before work, texting alllll day) before it just started dwindling. Turns out I liked what he had told me, gave me hope that it might turn into something and it didn’t hurt that he was so gorgeous. basically recipe for disaster. He moved on and I was stuck with a broken heart. Long distant Love is romantic and all, but unless you’re going to get up and move away to be with this person, don’t put yourself in this position.
*he was a friend of a friend who had plans to introduce us.
Post # 12
MSFbride: of course you should give it a try! making that sort of connection doesn’t happen every day. yes, it’s not like real life because you are traveling, but also if your traveling is anything like mine, it’s also an opportunity to see how people handle stressful situations, work with ambiguity, roll with unexpected changes, approach new situations, etc. Plus now you know you can travel well together 🙂
Go for it! and good luck! and keep an open mind! these things can and do work!
Post # 13
MSFbride: I have no idea what the future will bring for you, and no interest in trying to point out all the things that may not go right, I just wanted to say that enbrace life with both hands and if you don’t give it a go you will never know. To be honest if people can meeting their SO’s in bars or through online dating there is no reason this can’t work. Distance can be changed.
Post # 14
Two high school friends of mine went on a Contiki trip through Europe together (we’re from Canada) about 7 years ago. On the trip, one girl met a guy from Australia and they hit it off. Australia is about as far away from Canada as you can get! They traveled back and forth for 5 years, got married in Canada a year ago, and now live happily together in Australia. It can be done! They are a great couple!
Post # 15
MSFbride: stranger things have happened and if you want to find out the answer to your question, none of us have it. There’s really only one way to find out…
I’ve never had an LDR but my friends who have said it was tough you need trust, patience, communication, make time for the person, and Skype.
wish you the best of luck! If it’s meant to be it will be!
and can i just say i feel very sorry for the other single all on your trip and I hope she met some nice Latin men (or women) and some fun too😜