(Closed) Can a married woman make friends with a single man?

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 46
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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LudaRae:  I think by “attracted to” Apple_Blossom was referring to whichever way you swing (ie. straight man being friends with a woman, homosexual man being friends with a man). 🙂

Post # 47
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

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GrumpytheDwarf:  Ahh ok, sorry, I read it wrong. Thought it meant nothing wrong with being friends with someone you’re hot for, apologies!! 🙂

Post # 48
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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LudaRae:  
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GrumpytheDwarf:  Yep, that’s what I meant!  Sorry for the confusion!

Post # 49
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Church and University

Nope.

Post # 52
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yes, a married woman can be friends with a single man.

No, a married woman can’t be friends with a single man who has feelings for her and wants to act on them.

Tell him that you value his friendship, but you think it’s better that you give him some space while he gets over you. Once he’s over it, you can start hanging out again.

Post # 53
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee

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VanillaNut:  Of course married women can adn should be friends with anyone they want to be regardless of their gender and/or marital status. BUT this guy doesn’t want to be just friends and also seems to believe the irritating message sent out by the media that men just need to be persistent to get the girl. Therefore I think in your case you may need to either end the friendship or at least change it, no more/less one on one time etc

Post # 54
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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VanillaNut:  I saw that you said that you’re not coming back, but just in case you do- have you told your husband about any or all of this?  Especially about this guy’s feelings for you and his offer to be there if you ever change your mind?  I’m guessing not.  That’s a huge sign.  And you have day trips with this guy? Just so you know, it sounds like you’ve kinda been dating this other guy . . . (but just haven’t made it physical etc. yet)

Post # 55
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

No.

My opinion! 🙂

Post # 56
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee

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VanillaNut:  I’m bisexual so if I used the old rules I guess I pretty much couldn’t be friends with anyone, haha. I have gay female friends as well as straight male friends and have never had an issue. However, if one of them suddenly declared feelings for me that would be the end of the friendship. I have been down that road before, once someone vocalizes their feelings for you things are never really the same. I would also feel compelled to tell Fiance that this had happened, which I’m sure would make him uncomfortable. If he had a straight female friend who declared her feelings to him, I would expect him to stop the friendship dead in its tracks- so I would do the same. 

Post # 57
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

That particular friendship doesn’t sound very likely, and I would be careful about spending time alone with him.  

However, I do think that a married woman can make friends with a single man.  I have many friends like that.  My husband knows each of these friends, and has hung out with us before, and there is no issue with him being there or with us hanging out without him.  

One of my best friends admitted feelings for me before I met my husband.  I didn’t feel the same way, and he was respectful and not at all pushy.  It made our friendship weird for a little bit, but after awhile it was like it never happened.  My husband knows about it, but he understands our relationship has always been purely friendship, and he is an important friend to me.  In fact, he was the first person we saw after we got engaged, and he performed at our wedding!!  

So my answer is yes, it is possible, but in the right circumstances.  You should never feel uncomfortable and you should never hide anything from your husband.  

Post # 58
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Ugh. Hate it when girls meet a guy and think he’s showering them with attention and going on whatever “outings” they want to go on and catering to their every emotional need because he is just such a GREAT FRIEND. And they eat up this easy, always-their-way, out-of-the-blue friendship. But it’s not really a friendship & it gives legitimate male/female friendships a bad name. This is a guy playing the long game. I’ve even known girls who “collect” these types of guys. Great if you are single (and attention starved) but terrible for a committed (esp married) woman. My 2 (or 3!) cents.

Post # 59
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

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VanillaNut:  This friendship has crossed the line into something else. He has declared his feelings for you and even though you say you are not interested continuing to see him for dinner and other things like that may give him the impression that you are. Does your husband know you are having dinner alone with this man? How would you feel if your husband was out having dinner with a woman who had other intentions?

Probably best to fade it out.

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