- 1 year ago
This is my first time writing in this board and I am hoping to get some advice. I thought this would be a perfect website to diccuss my issue in because well a lot of people here have been in relationships that have led to marriage, or they are married, etc. I wasnt sure exactly what to title this post but I hope that I can do a better job in my description section so you can truly understand what I am asking.
So, to begin my boyfriend and I are both 21 years old. We have been dating since we were 18 years old and have known each other since we were 14. We started dating in May 2015, and had a first couple of months that were perfect and everything I had ever dreamed of. When August came, my boyfriend and I both went to the same university 9 hours from our hometown. When we first got here, everything was great, but soon it was not. My boyfriend decided to rush a fraternity and in other words as I like to call it, get brain washed lol. He started feeling like he was missing out on the “college experience” and was too young to settle down. So for about 9 months… we had VERY frequent breakups. These breakups would not last long, but my boyfriend did sleep with 2 other girls. This was very very hard for me because our relatoinship didnt feel secure to me whatsoever because he would randomly change his mind and say “I think I want to be by myself, I think I want to focus on myself, I think I want to experience college single because Ive had a girlfriend all of highschool, and now with you since the beginning of college etc.”. Those 9 months were absolute HELL for me. I dont even know why I would take him back… I guess young love lol and him being my first ever boyfriend.
So, really we had ONE really rocky year. October 2015-October 2016. Now, to focus on the present, my boyfriend has changed DRAMATICALLY since 2016. He dropped his fraternity, he knows what he wants, he focuses only on school and finding a job, he has become so mature, loving, romantic, loves to communicate, and he is just a completely different person really. He tells me just about EVERYTHING and is really an open book. During that horrible year, there were a lot of things he wasnt telling me. Such as sleeping with those two girls. I know he was scared to tell me and didnt want to lose me over mistakes he made drunk and while we were broken up, so he decided to keep it to himself. This really caused trust issues but I am really trying to grow and understand why he did what he did. He willingly told me about everything last summer, because he said he noticed how much he loved me and how serious this relatoinship is to him and he didnt want there to be any secrets in our relationship and he wanted to move this relationship to the next level. So I forgave him, only because he had proven to me how much he had changed, and he is still the exact same person today.
I really love him, I really do. I mean I think we would make a great partnership, great parents, we want the same things in life, we have the same views, beliefs, goals, etc. He is so romantic and thoughful, I mean like the guy makes me easter baskets, surprises me with flowers all the time, he truly ADORES me. My family and friends LOVE him, despite his rocky past with me in the beginning, and I mean like my parents tell me I am so lucky to find someone who has grown up so much, adores me, treats my family and friends like his own, is so motivated and hard working etc. like everyone LOVES him. I know I am lucky to call him mine because I know how many girls want him, I mean sometimes I feel that some of my own friends want him lol.
My problem is, I dont know how to get over the past. I dont know how I could eventually marry someone that at the very beginning of our relationship didnt prioritize me or respect me honestly. I know he’s not like that anymore…and would never do those things again, but I am not sure how I can get over it. I love who he is TODAY and has been for the last year, but I HATE who he was the first year of our relationship. I guess in my head I had this picture that I was going to have a solid relationship from beginning to end, get married, have no issues or bad times, and now I am in this realtionship where I am so damn happy, but cant move forward from WHO HE WAS back then and how he treated me. Sometimes I think, if it was really love, would it have ever been the way it was our first year together?
I guess I want to hear from all of you if your rocky relationship ever ending in a good committed marriage? I know we are young, and young people make mistakes are were impulsive and were just trying to figure ourselves out and what we truly want in life, etc. And I know I should just focus on who he is TODAY and who he is going to be in the FUTURE, instead of focusing so much on decisions he made when we was 19 and 20 years old. I want to move forward more than anything in my life, but I have this “picture perfect relationship” stuck in my head and I always think “Do I deserve better?” Do I deserve someone that never put me second or mistreated me, even if it was years ago and he has changed and learned so much from his mistakes and now is the perfect guy for me. I know were not getting married tomorrow, or even in the next two years, but I definitely see this leading to marriage, and I know if he could propose tomorrow he would and that scares me. i am not sure if i am going to wait till im 25, realize I cant move forward or marry this guy because of issues from 6-7 years ago, and end up without him in the end anyways. I like to think that if were together longer, and years go by and our relationship continues the way it is, that those stupid college times wont matter because we will have so much more HAPPY times to focus on, but I cant be too sure.
Please help/give advice if you can! Cant wait to hear from you all and thank you again! 🙂