Can a rocky relationship ever lead to marriage?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

younginlove96 :  my partners sister had a similar thing happen with her current husband. He was an immature idiot in college. He grew up and they got back together, moved in together, got engaged, and finally married. It can work but you have to let the past go. But if you can’t for whatever reason, you will always hold that with you and it can jeopardize your future. Everyone makes mistakes. We’re all human and it sounds like he really did change for the better. It sounds like you just need to get over it. But if you can’t, it’s time to move on because it’s not fair to him either. 

Post # 17
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

I think it would take a lot of years of working on this relationship and maybe even counselling to re-build trust & respect. I don’t think it’s worth it though, because now he knows he can treat you like shit and you’ll stick around. But if he’s really changed and treats you exactly as you’d like to be treated.. then stick with him, keep working on things, and grow together. 

Post # 18
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

I don’t need to read the whole thing to tell you to move on. I had a similiar situation with my highschool sweetheart wanting to join a frat and changed. He didn’t sleep around but he did change. And although he was going to be a medical doctor someday and live the dream, I was done. So done. 

He is still a great guy and kind but I have zero regrets breaking it off. It was hard, and confusing, but a decade later I see his life, and it looks wonderful, but not for me.

Post # 19
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

I had a boyfriend when I was 20 until 24. It was a rocky and bad relationship, he was my first love and  at that time I hoped it will workout, we will be together forever. 

Years passed by, and looking back at that relationship I only ask myself this question: ” Why didn’t I leave his A$$ much earlier?!” 

Also, I have 0 regrets about not being with any of my exes, even it did not seem like that at the time of breakup. 

Post # 20
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

What’s the rush?  Live together and grow up a little before making the big commitment.  At 21 you’ll change a lot in the next 10 years.  Having gotten married at 21 I tell my daughter if she can help it, not to get married in her early twenties as it limits your choices in a decade of your life where you have so many options.  It works out sometimes, but overall I think putting marriage off until you’re at least 25 gives you a better chance at a lasting mature relationship. Better if the man is older.  I know I’m generalizing, but it’s my opinion.  

Post # 21
Member
10594 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

younginlove96 :  

The trouble with breaking up and getting back together is that the relationship is forever damaged.  You will never have the same sweet, innocent trust you once had.

That’s not to say people can’t build a new kind of trust—they can.  If they both want to work that hard.

The trust that has been broken has little to do with him having sex with other women.  That’s the look squirrel that distracts you from the deeper source of your mistrust of your bf.  He left you once.  He ended it.  He ended a relationship you believed was forever.  That’s where the real mayhem was done.  How can you ever be sure he won’t leave you again?

The truth is, no one is ever totally sure.  If you’re smart, you try to choose wisely and well and tilt the odds in your favor.  That’s all you can do.  The rest is a leap of faith.

Right now, you can’t make that leap.  The reasons don’t matter.  You just aren’t there.  You may get there eventually.  You may not.  It’s a crapshoot.

Counseling may be a good option for you if you want to get unstuck.

Post # 22
Member
760 posts
Busy bee

 

It’s that block of age from teen years until well in to late 20s where every relationship seems like ‘the one’, especially if it started in high school. It’s such a fantasy to have been married to your ‘high school sweet heart’. I think this phrase was wrongfully coined by hollywood as high school romances rarely come to fruition and nor should most of them! They are learning experiences. However, hormones are raging at that time and consumes ones mind. 

Now that I look back at when I was that age, I feel I wasted all that time worrying and being in the wrong relationships because now I would clearly NOT want any of those guys! I have obviously matured a lot now in my mid to late 30s that those relationships from that era seem just so comical. I could have concentrated on my school and career instead and made something significant of myself.

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