Post # 1
I was venting here about possibly not having the amount of guests I’ve always dreamed of. Unfortunately I’m getting a lot of responses about how it’s not the most important thing in the world…although I’m sure they’re well-meant but some are in a negative and critical and judgmental tone.
I’m being told what’s most important is the marriage, having people close to you only, etc, etc. OF COURSE THAT’S TRUE, DUH…I DON’T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT!!!!! I’ve been with my FH for years, we’re older, and we’ve worked our asses off on our relationship and are unbelievably committed to each other.
But I’m sorry I think there is something to be said for disappointment when something you’ve always imagined and fantasized about might not come true. I guess to some wanting a large amount of guests is superficial or whatever, but for me there’s some special meaning in it.
If you’re a bee who can sympathize, please respond.
Post # 3
We invited 105 people and had about 85 (including us and bridal party). It was disappointing – there were probably 4 or 5 people on the guest list I *knew* wouldn’t come (who lived on the other side of the world) but there was a number of “no” RSVPs that hurt a bit. Of course it kept the budget down, of course it was a wonderful day, of course the most important people were there…but I had dreamed of a packed dance floor and that didn’t really happen with our smaller guest list. And some of the “no” RSVPs were friends of DH’s and I know he was disappointed that people didn’t make more of an effort. So, I can empathise with your disappointment as we experienced it too and it’s not a nice feeling, but also say from experience that it doesn’t matter at the end of the day 🙂
Post # 4
thanks, i appreciate the empathy!!! 🙂 responses like yours are much more helpful. I hope everything goes well on the day. I’ll prepare myself just in case it is a small number.
Post # 5
I dont think people weren’t empathizing with you, they were maybe just trying to help you see the brightside. Like hey maybe not a lot of people are coming but at least the ones you care about will! Like my last comment on your last post only about 30 guests of 150 will be coming to the ceremony, and I am still getting dome NO responses for the reception. It makes me sad because originally we thought we would have around 200 guests at the reception, but hey less people means less money lol
Post # 6
We will be having a small wedding. We are inviting about 150 people, but everytime I go over the list it comes up the same. In reality (I know our friends and family really well) we will only have about 75. I waited a really long time to get married (I am almost 40), and I had always dreamed of a big wedding and doing the big walk, but alas it will not happen. Sometimes I look at the list in dispare but really, I know myself and my FH will have a blast no matter who is there. He is a sappy kind of guys guy, and I know he will make me feel like the center of the world on that day.
Post # 7
jennychicago: it wasn’t all the responses. i totally appreciated the look on the bright side. i just wanted to hear both sides. setting aside the actually marrying my FH, i’ve imagined walking down the aisle in my dress with my father in front of a lot of people since i was a kid, that’s probably why i got upset, for a few reasons it’s kind of a dream close to my heart, you know? thanks for your support! 🙂
Post # 8
Aww bridepower, I know what you mean! Sometimes we are just disappointed about what may seem like little things to other people but all they say is, be happy that you’re getting married. So I know exactly how you feel. I think we all are thankful and happy about the things that do go right for our wedding, but still it hurts when certain things feel like they’re missing. It’s just that missing feeling.
I’ve always been a social butterfly and I love big groups. It always seems more festive and fun when there are more people. And as someone who always tries to be there for other people’s birthdays or special occassions, to hear that they’re not coming can really hurt. It almost feels like you weren’t important enough for them to make it right? And to have a lot of people there, well it kinda can make you feel special that all these people would come out for you. So your feelings are totally understandable and not necessarily superficial, as some people may misinterpret.
On the positive side, it does help you realize who your real friends are. I am super glad that I tried to only invite people I really wanted to be there. Paying a lot of money for people that don’t care enough about you to attend can suck too.
As a past social butterfly, I know that it takes only a few strong personalities to get everyone into it on the dance floor and that a small handful of people can still make the party a blast and make it seem like a lot of people are there even if you didn’t have that many guests. Hope that you can feel better soon.
Post # 9
I too feel a little guilty/pissed/hurt that not as many people are coming to the wedding as we thought there would be. We invited about 325-330 people and my mom and I just finalized the food count and it was 190! What I was most pissed about is that not one of my friends from college/teammates(played softball in college) is coming. And only 1 even returned her RSVP! I’ve been to one of their weddings a couple of years ago(the rest are single still) and also have visited. I realize that we are living in different states now but at least return the RSVP! We held off inviting some people because I wanted to see some old friends that I haven’t seen for a year or two and figured this may be a way to get people together. Now regretting inviting them and should have invited others. Oh well! They will miss an awesome night!
Post # 10
I always dreamt of having a big wedding, but our wedding is going to be an intimate 50-60 people. I’m a little disappointed. At the same time, another 15K to feed another 100 people would be a little rough to dig up. It won’t be the same, sure. But that doesn’t mean that it has to be worse–it could be better.
Post # 11
We wanted to have about 150-160 people at our wedding. We invited 208. We had 125 RSVP yes, and about 112 show up.
It was extremely disappointing to me. Even on the day of I was bummed about how empty the hall looked. I didn’t dwell on it, and I didn’t let it ruin my day, but it was definately something I wish I could have gone back and changed. I would have invited way more people. A ton of people came w/o guests, and some even w/o their spouses. Couldn’t have assumed that would happen and plan for it, so there was nothing I could do once the RSVPs came back.
As our wedding got closer, I started focusing on the things I was excited about, that helped me to forget a bit, but everytime people would call and say they couldn’t make it last minute, I cried a bit.
At the end of the day, it probably didn’t make too much of a difference. The people that we care about most were there, mostly… and they day was amazing, but I totally understand where you are coming from. It is dissappointing!
Post # 12
I totally understand where you’re coming from!
We invited 250 people and it’s looking like we’re going to end up with a little under a 60% “Yes” rate with about 140 attending. I’m dissappointed for sure. I know many of these people have to travel but they are our single college friends who could split one of our $99/night rooms multiple ways and drive up together and split gas – that really isn’t very expensive! I know it will still be a wonderful day but I wish more people were making the effort to celebrate with us.
The same thing happened with my bachelorette party too – invited 15 (plus my sister/MOH and I) and and 3 RSVPed “Yes” (again, plus my sister and I). That’s 20%! And we got free lodging by the beach and within driving distance for most – I just don’t get it sometimes!
Post # 13
we invited almost 300 people to our wedding, had 120 rsvp that they were coming, and our final count that actually showed up was 75!! it makes me kinda sad to look back at my pics and see all the empty chairs.. so i feel ya!! but really the day of the wedding, i had no idea how many people came, nor did i notice all the empty chairs, not until i looked back at my photo’s
Post # 14
We can only afford a small wedding under 100 people. I rather have more but i will not go into debt over it. just like it you its about the marriage! if people get hurt they werent invite they will just have to get over it.
Post # 15
THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!! Sorry if I was a little angry up there but it’s just that I was SO disappointed. I’m feeling better now…..And my dad is finding more people (people I know and forgot about, not just anyone such as my old babysitter who I’ve been dying to see for a long time).
Post # 16
I have a feeling I’ll be in your situation shortly. Our invitations are going out this week and I already know that a lot of people on my side won’t be able to come. In fact, my own grandmother might not be able to come. I’m frustrated that my FI will have much more of his family there but sadly there’s nothing I can do about it. Hopefully those people most important to me will be able to make it. Our engagement party was 95% his family and friends and 5% mine….and about the same number from each side was invited. A lot of it has to do with finances as well. Many members of my family are experiencing financial difficulty right now, in addition to being out of state.
I’m just trying to think positively about it and be excited that I’m marrying my best friend and I’m trying to look at it as they’re my family as well now.