Can anyone help make this easier for me?

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
57 posts
Worker bee

futuremrs2020 :  in my persopnal circle and others I know around me all wanted to get married because they wanted to have children and did not want to do so outside of marriage. This is NOT why I got married, though. I got married because, well, obviously, because I love my husband. The only few couples that I know who are in no rush to wed, are the ones who don’t want children. So I based my opinion on that. Otherwise, I am totally with you on that.

Post # 32
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

flyfromtheinside :  I think you seriously need to slow your roll.  You’re dating a 31 year old who still lives at home, and is just starting to consider spending the night a few times a week – a year and a half in. This man isn’t ready for a sleep over, he’s certainly not ready to be a husband!  You guys only see each other once or twice a week, but you want to be engaged? I think you’re putting the cart in front of the horse here.

You say you can’t wait to start building your life with him, but you already are.  This is life, what you’re currently living…All these days passing by that you want to fast forward through.  Take some time to enjoy it instead of wanting the next new thing to happen.  You guys aren’t in any position to be married based on what you’ve told us so far, so just keep building on the foundation and enjoy the time you have together.   

Post # 33
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The poster above me has it exactly right. Your boyfriend is nowhere near ready to get engaged/married. He seems to be enjoying his casual dating relationship with you.  

Post # 34
7996 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have to agree with immediate pps, a man of over thirty with  no  serious prior  relationshsips who lives with his parents and is clearly nervous  at the idea of sleepovers, let alone  engagement and marriage , well,  sorry OP idk if he is the one for you , lovely though he may be.

I’d say he likes it just the way it is , going out and about with you, occasional sex, (presumably),   romantic chats  about a distant wedding cake and  favours etc , but  in no way at all is he remotely  ready for an actual committment to  a marriage . I’m sorry. 

Post # 35
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

There’s nothing wrong with getting engaged/married at your age or length of relationship, but the reason you’re feeling so terribly about all this is because of your own mindset.  Often women get real panicky about engagement because they really crave that feeling of legitimacy or stability that comes with a solid, definitive commitment from someone.  It’s the desire to have “proof” that someone loves and wants you, and that you’re worthy of someone’s commitment.  I have no doubt that you love your boyfriend, but the intensity of your feelings and all this inner turmoil is coming from your own insecurities and really has nothing to do with him.  I would recommend exploring that for yourself a bit more and perhaps seeing a counselor if you’re really struggling.  Don’t ruin a great relationship by panicking and shoving this down your boyfriend’s throat before you’re both ready.

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