sunnierdaysahead2 : Completely agree with you.
sarahj1238 : I think you did a good thing about being honest if you are not into him, but I also completely agree with sunnierdaysahead2’s post. It did seem from the posts you were making about him that you were not into him and, quite frankly, looking for any reason to disqualify him from the running. Sure, the two of you specifically may not have been a good match, and that is fine. But the things that you are describing in your posts lead me to think that this is more like a pattern of beahvior where you are into “the chase.”
You say you want one thing–a nice guy to have a family with–but it seems like you don’t actually know what you want, because by your own admission you are picking guys who are either not emotionally available, emotionally stunted, or not into you.
And then you meet a man who does actually seem to be into you, who you say is cute and have had great sex with, but you’re looking for reasons to reject him because he’s not exciting enough. Yeah 10 texts could be a lot, BUT you yourself said that this level of communication is what you would expect from a boyfriend. Well, guess what? Guys don’t just change their level of communication because you’ve defined the relationship with them. So if this is the type of communication you are supposedly hoping for, and a guy doesn’t play games and gives you that from the beginning, then that makes him less attractive? That’s illogical. I agree with the PP who said that you seem to like to play games. By your own admission regarding when to text and what to text, you do seem to like the relationship games. Frankly, if you knew what you wanted, you wouldn’t be contradicting yourself so much.
Also, if you have seen him 4 times over the course of 8 days–that’s really not a long period of time. You don’t actually know what you guys would be doing over the weekend if you were to be together. You’re saying you’d reject him because you think he’s not adventurous enough to hang out or go to new restaurants with you over the weekends. Yet, when he suggests a restaurant he wants to try with you this weekend…you see that as a negative as well.
Clearly you weren’t into this guy and he couldn’t have done anything to change that. I think you did the right thing by breaking it off. However, I think that what you’re saying in your posts combined with the relationship history you mention may speak to a bigger pattern of behavior for you.
Honestly, if you’re not happy where you are in your love life, I think it would probably be a good idea to reflect more (idk maybe also read some of the books bees mentioned in this thread) and to talk to a professional so that you can dig into anything that might be holding you back. Because it does seem like there is stuff holding you back. You don’t want to waste time on failed relationships, right? So do the work that you need to in order to get out of this place where you are dating these men who are not right for you.
I’m honestly not trying to make you feel bad. I could be completely wrong, I don’t actually know you. But I do have a friend who behaves the way you have described. She dates “bad boys” and rejects seemingly good men for being “boring” because she seems to like the drama. I have told her similar things to what I wrote in my post to you. Only with self-reflection will you see whether this does apply to you, and make any necessary changes. And talking about this with a professional will help speed that process up and help you make changes.