- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
During Christmas my parents invite my family and my partner’s uncle (his wife) and my partner’s mother and 2 sisters to our house and my cousin’s family. In total there are about 15 people. My parents likes to do things in abundance e.g. cook a lot of dishes, e.g. like 20 different dishes on the table (more than enough for approximately 20-25 ppl), 2 cakes. This Christmas they also gave a lot of gifts also to my partner’s mother and 2 sisters.
They are very hospitable (Chinese) family, and as people are sitting on the desk eating, they are constantly offering more food while the guests are eating.
Now, my partner’s uncle and his wife are very quiet people, they sit at the table and did not make one conversation, there were a few exchanges of words but pretty much they looked down the whole time at their plates. My partners mother does not speak english nor does one sister, the other sister speaks english but not the best. My partner’s uncle and his wife are not the type to tell any interesting stories even though they have been travelling to many countries and places and Im sure would have lots of stories to tell, yet they just remain quiet throughout. In previous family gatherings they have been the same way, looking at bit awkward.
In addition to an absolute lack of conversation, they are also not big eaters, e.g. both my partners sisters didnt eat much, and one does not like seafood, and they are also worried about gaining weight.
My partner also kept telling me that they have work the next day and they wanted to leave sooner than we wanted. I am of the personal opinion that I would not do such a similar thing as my parents to host people who don’t even seem to enjoy it. If I was running the show, I would cook less things, just have a simple barbecue or not invite them at all to just avoid the awkwardness (as the uncle has not invited us for christmas before).
However when I say this to my parents, I end up looking like a bad person. My parents like to give hospitability in abundance and offer guests a lot when coming into their home. However although I believe it to be fine when there is such a return in hospitality e.g. being at least more engaging or asking questions and talking at the dinner table and a bit more thankful for the hospitality rather than awkward and not that thankful, aloof. I think in general people like reciprocity in social scenarios, if you constantly give and people don’t give back (Im not talking about monetary but just in terms of conversation), it is a little hard to want to invite them for more gatherings in the future.
I also think that sometimes when you be too hospitable, the other party may think why are you being so nice, what do you want in return its not like we have anything to give back to you and they are just kind of amused at your hospitality rather than really appreciating it.
Can being too hospitable be a bad thing?