(Closed) Can he come?? burning question!

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
596 posts
Busy bee

i wouldn’t assume that it’s okay to bring your husband (even though it’s tacky of them to invite you without him when they clearly know you will be married by then).  is there a way you could ask any mutual friends what the deal is?  maybe they are having a super small wedding with very few guests?  or maybe it was just an innocent mistake and they forgot?

just a thought – if you are so distant from these friends that you don’t even feel comfortable picking up a phone to call them and ask, do you really want to attend their wedding?  or is it because they are coming to your wedding, you feel obliged to reciprocate with your attendance to their wedding? 

Post # 4
87 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, I agree that if you can’t call them, why would you want to go to their wedding? Unless there’s some circumstance or history you’re leaving out, I don’t really understand why you can’t just call one or the other and politely ask if they meant to invite your FH as well.  

I don’t think you can bring people who aren’t invited.  They should have included your FH, but they didn’t, so you can’t just bring him along without getting the OK from them. And honestly, if I were you I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing him unless I heard directly from them that it’s ok.  Imagine if you inadvertently left a husband off an invitation, wouldn’t you want someone to bring it to your attention instead of just bringing someone you didn’t plan for?  Or, if they intentionally left him off, well, that’s really weird but imagine how much more awkard it would be if you brought your FH when he wasn’t invited on purpose.  I would imagine the phone call would not be quite as awkward as that.


Post # 6
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Yeah, looks like you are the only one invited, which is their faux pas- shouldn’t invite engaged people without their partner, but hey, if it’s not in the budget…

That was nice of you to invite them to your wedding.  From the sound of things, you wouldn’t have if you weren’t invited to their wedding.  They would have gotten over not being invited, I assure you.

But, don’t call them.  I think they know who they invited. 

Post # 7
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

That is tacky of them…does the drifting have to do anything with your FH? if yes, then there’s you answer.

I know is rude to ask…but this is not some single girl whining for the two week boy toy to show up…they KNOW you’re married.

If I had weird friends like that…I would ask..and if he’s not invited…I wouldn’t go…simple.

Post # 8
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I assume they know his name, correct?  that could be why otherwise.  some people really don’t take the time to find these things out.  And you are their friend, right?  Maybe they just don’t know etiquette.

Post # 9
3 posts

I had my closest friend tell me my long term boyfriend would be invited to her wedding, and that he could be my "+1", but only had my name on the invitation and no space to indicate if i’d be bringing a guest. I asked her about it and she said, of course he’s invited, just write him in. Not everyone is as knowledgeable about etiquette, and it could be that this is the case as well.

Post # 10
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Does you FH even want to go?  I would be just as happy to leave my beloved at home for certain events.  But I’ve always been that way.  But they should have invited him.

Post # 11
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’ve drifted apart, can’t even call them, and don’t see yourself ever being close to them just don’t go to their wedding and don’t invite them to yours.  No sense inviting people you won’t even be friends with anymore…just save yourself the money.

Post # 12
123 posts
Blushing bee

Similar thing happened to me. My co-worker whom I was not particularly close to invited me to her wedding. Except without my live-in bf, whom she has known. In fact she has been asking me when are we getting engaged, etc., since we’ve lived together for about 6yrs at the time.

Long story short, when the invite came, I politely declined. I found it wrong to only invite me, in fact I would have rather passes on being invited altogether, if she couldn’t invite both of us for space/financial eason,  than being invited alone. I felt as though she didn’t respect my relationship.

Post # 13
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I would either call her or not go.  Perhaps after your wedding, your relationship will have healed some?  That may be past the RSVP time, but I would be OK with that considering her lack of hubby invite.  😉

 When I was younger, I did not get the "and guest" for a wedding to which I was FLYING.  I knew for a fact that the chapel was huge, so I asked my sister who knows a lot about weddings, and she said to just ask my friend.  My friend kept giving me lame excuses, then she finally said the headcount was turned in…SO, I decided to respect her wishes, but then was annoyed when I saw she EASILY could have added a guest.


 Now that I’m older, I realize this is immature, but I went and didn’t bring a present.  😛   (Well, I already had the plane ticket!)

Post # 14
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Check in with them.  Did they send your Fiance an invitation separately?  Is it possible that they aren’t sure about your FI’s last name and were too embarrassed to put down ‘and guest’?  Perhaps as others have suggested, they just assumed it was understood or figured you’d bring him.  

Give them a call and say how you and your sweetie are looking forward to having them at your wedding and then mention you got the invite to theirs and gently ask if they intended to invite just you or you and your hubby-to-be.  Not the most comfortable conversation, but it could be just a misunderstanding.

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