Post # 1
Please give me you input on what to do!
My fiance and I are getting married in two weeks and we invited a couple, let’s call them "the Johnson’s" The Johnson’s are also getting married in late July.
I’ve been friends with both the male and female for years, but we have semi-drifted apart in the last year, but I still wanted to invite them to my wedding. Today, I got the invite to their wedding. It was addressed to me only. It does not say "Miss Smith and Mr. future-Smith" or even, "Miss Smith and guest" but just "Miss Smith."
Since they are invited to my wedding and clearly know that I will be married by the time of their wedding, can I RSVP for two for their wedding? Or is that tacky since TECHNICALLY I was the only one invited, as my name was the only one on the invitation?
And the reason that I told you that we have semi-drifted apart is because it would be super awkward for me to call them and just ask if he could come.
Post # 3
i wouldn’t assume that it’s okay to bring your husband (even though it’s tacky of them to invite you without him when they clearly know you will be married by then). is there a way you could ask any mutual friends what the deal is? maybe they are having a super small wedding with very few guests? or maybe it was just an innocent mistake and they forgot?
just a thought – if you are so distant from these friends that you don’t even feel comfortable picking up a phone to call them and ask, do you really want to attend their wedding? or is it because they are coming to your wedding, you feel obliged to reciprocate with your attendance to their wedding?
Post # 4
Yeah, I agree that if you can’t call them, why would you want to go to their wedding? Unless there’s some circumstance or history you’re leaving out, I don’t really understand why you can’t just call one or the other and politely ask if they meant to invite your FH as well.
I don’t think you can bring people who aren’t invited. They should have included your FH, but they didn’t, so you can’t just bring him along without getting the OK from them. And honestly, if I were you I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing him unless I heard directly from them that it’s ok. Imagine if you inadvertently left a husband off an invitation, wouldn’t you want someone to bring it to your attention instead of just bringing someone you didn’t plan for? Or, if they intentionally left him off, well, that’s really weird but imagine how much more awkard it would be if you brought your FH when he wasn’t invited on purpose. I would imagine the phone call would not be quite as awkward as that.
Post # 5
Thanks for the input!
To be honest, we didn’t originally include them on OUR invite list to our wedding. We thought it seemed a bit like gift-grabbing since we have grown apart this last year. I later heard, though, through a mutual friend, that they were upset that they weren’t invited (??!). Now I could say that I thought maybe this mutual friend was pulling my leg, but this person wouldn’t do that to me. So, needless to say, we invited them. I promptly got their RSVP that they would be attending my wedding.
So, I am thinking about going to theirs only because they are coming to mine and I feel I need to reciprocate. I just think it is so strange that they invited me and not FH, especially since they KNOW that we will be married by then!
Post # 6
Yeah, looks like you are the only one invited, which is their faux pas- shouldn’t invite engaged people without their partner, but hey, if it’s not in the budget…
That was nice of you to invite them to your wedding. From the sound of things, you wouldn’t have if you weren’t invited to their wedding. They would have gotten over not being invited, I assure you.
But, don’t call them. I think they know who they invited.
Post # 7
That is tacky of them…does the drifting have to do anything with your FH? if yes, then there’s you answer.
I know is rude to ask…but this is not some single girl whining for the two week boy toy to show up…they KNOW you’re married.
If I had weird friends like that…I would ask..and if he’s not invited…I wouldn’t go…simple.
Post # 8
I assume they know his name, correct? that could be why otherwise. some people really don’t take the time to find these things out. And you are their friend, right? Maybe they just don’t know etiquette.
Post # 9
I had my closest friend tell me my long term boyfriend would be invited to her wedding, and that he could be my "+1", but only had my name on the invitation and no space to indicate if i’d be bringing a guest. I asked her about it and she said, of course he’s invited, just write him in. Not everyone is as knowledgeable about etiquette, and it could be that this is the case as well.
Post # 10
Does you FH even want to go? I would be just as happy to leave my beloved at home for certain events. But I’ve always been that way. But they should have invited him.
Post # 11
If you’ve drifted apart, can’t even call them, and don’t see yourself ever being close to them just don’t go to their wedding and don’t invite them to yours. No sense inviting people you won’t even be friends with anymore…just save yourself the money.
Post # 12
Similar thing happened to me. My co-worker whom I was not particularly close to invited me to her wedding. Except without my live-in bf, whom she has known. In fact she has been asking me when are we getting engaged, etc., since we’ve lived together for about 6yrs at the time.
Long story short, when the invite came, I politely declined. I found it wrong to only invite me, in fact I would have rather passes on being invited altogether, if she couldn’t invite both of us for space/financial eason, than being invited alone. I felt as though she didn’t respect my relationship.
Post # 13
I would either call her or not go. Perhaps after your wedding, your relationship will have healed some? That may be past the RSVP time, but I would be OK with that considering her lack of hubby invite. 😉
When I was younger, I did not get the "and guest" for a wedding to which I was FLYING. I knew for a fact that the chapel was huge, so I asked my sister who knows a lot about weddings, and she said to just ask my friend. My friend kept giving me lame excuses, then she finally said the headcount was turned in…SO, I decided to respect her wishes, but then was annoyed when I saw she EASILY could have added a guest.
LARGE CHAPEL, OUTDOOR PAVILLION FOR RECPEPTION & BUFFET WITH PLENTY OF FOOD
Now that I’m older, I realize this is immature, but I went and didn’t bring a present. 😛 (Well, I already had the plane ticket!)
Post # 14
Check in with them. Did they send your Fiance an invitation separately? Is it possible that they aren’t sure about your FI’s last name and were too embarrassed to put down ‘and guest’? Perhaps as others have suggested, they just assumed it was understood or figured you’d bring him.
Give them a call and say how you and your sweetie are looking forward to having them at your wedding and then mention you got the invite to theirs and gently ask if they intended to invite just you or you and your hubby-to-be. Not the most comfortable conversation, but it could be just a misunderstanding.