(Closed) Can I admit something?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Does your Fiance not have sisters?  I notice that my FI’s mom brings up ‘I’m just the mother of the groom’ a lot. I love her to death though so I really enjoy including her in on all the things she’s willing to do with me (which is pretty much everything!) but I can definitely tell she thinks this may be the only wedding she is going to be involved in.  (she has a daughter, but she isn’t the settle down and get married type!)

  Take a deep breath, it could be much worse! She could hate you!! I know a couple and the mother of the guy is AWFUL to his wife! Like will call her drunk just to tell her she’s a B*$^& for stealing ‘her baby boy’.  It’s creepy.  Count your blessings? =)

Post # 4
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does she have any daughters of her own?

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Completely, 1000% commiserate with you! It’s a double edged sword having a Mother-In-Law who wants to be involved. On one hand, you are so grateful to have a Mother-In-Law who is excited to have you as part of the family and wants to help with the planning and celebration. On the other, it’s a razor thin line between stating your opinion and offending her, and you probably haven’t figured out where that line is yet.

I don’t really have any advice except that usually your Darling Husband is a good buffer because he has lived with her for most of his life and can sometimes tell you how she’ll react to certain situations. Also, it might be a good time to start setting some small boundaries or else this will continue into your married/family life well after the wedding.

In general, I try to be as honest with my Mother-In-Law as possible without hurting her feelings. I don’t want to become one of those DIL who resents her Mother-In-Law and keeps it bottled up inside until I explode.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss Smashville: haha, good call! She sounds like she’s just really trying to be involved due to lack of daughters! I would hope that if I only have sons that one of their fiance’s will humor me and let me feel included too!=)

 

Post # 9
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

Awww… I feel bad for you Mother-In-Law lol. Do you think that you could give her an important task that she could feel important about and get off your back a little bit? Maybe another shower closer to home? Or a prewedding brunch or SOMETHING that would keep her occupied. I can tell you one thing, I would much rather have a sweet Mother-In-Law like yours who actually wantes to be involved with the wedding than one like mine who won’t talk to her son because he got engaged to me. I know you know all of this though.. and because you feel bad about it.. it shows you just aren’t a cold hearted bitch.. the wedding could def be giving you short nerves. 

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honest reaction. It sounds like she has your best interest at heart. I don’t think she is trying to steam roll you in this case. It sounds like she is genuinly trying to be there for you. Driving 3 plus hours does not give her power. It actually set her up to be uncomfortable. I can understand how you feel bad having those thoughts but I don’t think there is really any way you can vocalize being upset at her for coming to your shower without hurting her feelings. However, never apologize for your feelings, you feel that way for a reason!

Sounds like you need to be direct but gentle with her. From now on if you don’t want her to go to something, don’t invite her. If she offers something just be direct and tell her why you don’t want/need it. Try to think how you would feel about your own mom wanting to be involved in a brothers wedding and treat her as such.

Post # 12
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@JustLove: great advise!

 

@Miss Smashville: could you maybe just not mention things to her? For instance, not tell her that events such as your shower are happening… not tell her the exact date and time that your final fitting is.. This way.. you could mention after the fact? Would that be mean? 

Post # 15
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I understand your frustration, but I really don’t htink it’s reasonable to feel that way about the shower – you INVITED her!  It’s not fair to invite her and then be mad when she accepts. That’s not her making an “assumption,” that is her accepting your invitation.

For the other things, though, I do agree that she’s overstepping a bit.

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