(Closed) Can I ask a question for the lesbian brides here?

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not lesbian, but I always thought it was just what each person was comfortable with. I doubt they both want to wear dresses and one concedes to wear a suit. If they are both comfortable and feel beautiful in dresses, they both wear dresses, but I think a lot of times one person in the relationship doesn’t like dresses and feels better in a suit. 

That’s just my take on it though!

Post # 5
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@gangqinjia:  “I’ve seen more lesbian weddings where one wife wears a suit and the other wears a dress, but I’m a little confused by it. You’re both women, why not both wear a dress?”

Well, since everyone is different, some people prefer to wear a dress while some prefer to wear a suit.  

The last two couples I know who got married both wore dresses.  

Post # 6
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Holocene:  +1

I’m not a lesbian either, but I think that they make their attire decisions the exact same way everyone does — based on what they like and feel good in. 

Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hi there @gangginjia- I actually have been to about as many lesbian weddings as straight ones and am planning my own with my fiancee.

Although we are both women, I wear dresses a lot at work and always imagined myself in a dress. I’m currently looking for a sweetheart, drop-waist dress with a dramatic fluffy bottom- not just a dress, a very feminine, curve-hugging, dress. My fiancee hasn’t worn a dress since college and while very feminine looking in some ways (long hair, petite, a God-given very feminine body) doesn’t like to be that feminine in her dress. She is looing to have a beautiful white suit made which will include a long, riding-style jacket, tuxudo pants, and a bustier top- kind of a mix of feminine and masculine.

Having been to many lesbian weddings- here’s a run down of the brides I’ve seen wore

1) Bride 1- simple white wedding dress, Bride 2- simple pastel yellow, prom-like dress

2) Bride 1- white wedding dress, Bride 2 white suite with jacket

3) Bride 1 white greecian inspired gown (changed to white pants, a button-down and white fedora) Bride 2- white lace dress with catherdral veil (changed into white sundress)

4) Bride 1 and 2- simple modern white dresses from the same designer that were similar, but definitely not the same

5) Bride 1- grey suit of a vest, pants and a button down shirt and tie, Bride 2- white wedding dress with high slit

I echo the other posters- people are wearing what they feel comfortable in. But I will say this- many people, having come out, are more comfortable withthe ways that they buck gender norms than many straight women. The decision then to wear a suit may not be as surprising for a lesbian woman, while for let’s say a straight tom boy there is even more overwhelming pressure to wear a white dress on your wedding day- even if you wouldn’t wear a dress on any other day. I think once you decide to live your life and be happily in a gay relationship, you free yourself of many other gender norms.

I can say that I feel free to wear a suit, or a colored dress, or be barefoot on the bear in khakis, and that I choose a dramatic and rather traditional wedidng dress, because that’s who I am. Likewise I wear a very large tiffany setting engagement ring with pave diamonds and my fiance wears a embellished tungsten band- all about what makes people feel their best on their special days. May you enjoy yours!

Post # 8
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@2BridesNYC:  I echo the other posters- people are wearing what they feel comfortable in. But I will say this- many people, having come out, are more comfortable withthe ways that they buck gender norms than many straight women. The decision then to wear a suit may not be as surprising for a lesbian woman, while for let’s say a straight tom boy there is even more overwhelming pressure to wear a white dress on your wedding day- even if you wouldn’t wear a dress on any other day. I think once you decide to live your life and be happily in a gay relationship, you free yourself of many other gender norms.

 YES! Yes, yes, yes.  +100,000.

 

My Destination Wedding wore an ivory tuxedo because she considers herself “butch,” but still considered herself a bride, like me. She’s never worn dresses (in fact, I think the last time she had was her 1st communion…) and I think the last time her hair was longer than her ears was 9th grade. A lot of more adrogynous or “tom boy” women, straight or lesbian, prefer to wear pants over dresses because that’s what they are comfortable with.  I do agree most straight women go for the white wedding dress because that’s what they’ve been raised to believe in, and dream about.  It really comes down to what the person feels “beautiful” (handsome, pretty, whatever adjectives they prefer) in…because what else would you want to feel on your wedding day? 

I don’t see your question as insensitive at all.  Curious, sure, but insensitive? Never. I’m always glad to see people ask, rather than assume.  Just remember, not all lesbians who choose to wear dresses consider themselves “butch.” In fact, some don’t identify that way or even like the term.  My Destination Wedding does, and prefers to identify that way.  It’s a lot easier than explaining that she’s genderqueer, which is a whole ‘nother bucket of explanation, and uncomfortable for a lot of cisgendered (male or female only) people.

 

Post # 9
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Like others have said you just wear what you are comfortable in.  I don’t own a dress or a skirt or heels, I have zero desire to wear a wedding dress. I think if I wore a dress to my wedding not only would I be uncomfortable the entire night, but I’m pretty sure all my guests would be talking about the fact that I’m in a dress! My Fiance has always dreamed of the day she gets to wear the big white dress, wearing a dress will make her feel beautiful.  If I wear a dress I will feel uncomfortable and weird.

 

Post # 10
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lybarra:  I love that we have you on here to back me up! *chuckles* It’s so nice to see the “other” perspective, as I talk for my Destination Wedding…you can talk for YOURSELF 😀

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I really hope I don’t offend any one here! That is not my intention and I am not…. anyways, you get my drift!

The ones I have seen where the one who wore a suit is not a “girly girl”. And i am not saying they are manly either! Take a look at Ellen Degeneres, I could not see her in a wedding gown! But Portia wore one.

Post # 12
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I see your pants and dress picture reference and raise you my own 😉

This is us!

Post # 13
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gangqinjia:  because maybe one of us doesn’t feel comfortable in a dress?  It’s very simple really. 

Post # 14
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Post # 15
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We recently got married and I am the one wearing the gown because I wanted to feel like a princess. My lovely new wife never wears dresses or skirts or feminine clothing in her daily life so she knew she would be wearing a tux or suit, definitely not a dress. It’s a reflection of who the person is and what they are comfortable wearing. Lots of lesbian couplesshave a balance like this, some are both femme and would both wear dresses. Just like the photo of Ellen and Portia do you ever see Ellen wearing a

Dress on her show? Nope so why would she wear

One on her wedding day? 

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d say it’s all a question of what each one feels comfortable and beautiful wearing.  My wife and I both had dresses.

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