Post # 32
I think a lot of women aren’t comfortable in dresses. I feel like it’s more acceptable in the lgbt community to have a woman wear a suit/tux whereas a non-lgbt bride will often wear a dress even if she’s not comfortable with it.
Post # 33
When my partner and I marry, I will wear a dress and she will wear a suit. She could wear whatever she wanted and be gorgeous but she feels more comfortable in a suit. Besides she hasn’t worn a dress in 20 years and wore a tie to the second grade (which I’m still dying to see pics of…I mean how adorable)! 🙂 So I don’t see her decision to wear a suit changing any time soon…but if it did that would be fine too! 🙂
Post # 34
We’re both wearing dresses because it’s what we feel comfortable with. There’s no way one of us would decide to wear a suit. If she wanted to I would be perfectly fine with that of course but I’d probably laugh at her because she’s so girly (even though she doesn’t think she is!) that she’d look a bit funny. Wear what you are comfortable with!
Post # 35
If one woman is butch and the other femme, it’s usually easy. The butch wears a suit, the femme a dress. That is just a general rule. There are no hard and fast rules, but I don’t know too many butches who would put on a dress and walk down the aisle.
I like the above posters answer!
Post # 37
Ellen is a butch, while Portia is a femme. No offense taken 🙂
Post # 38
There are many variations. Some families, live the traditional male/female roles. Others pair as 2 butches and yet others still are both femmes. Pardon my simplistic explanation. Sometimes less is more lol!
Post # 39
I’m pansexual, and most of my friends are gay.
When I get married one day, I will wear a dress, but many of my brides”maids” will probably be wearing suits. And we will look fabulous 😉
Post # 40
When we were planning a big wedding, we both had dresses picked out. But when we eloped, I wore a dress and my wife wore pants and a vest. We don’t identify as “femme” or “butch.” We are planning a vow renewal now, so we can celebrate with family, and I think I might wear a tux.
Post # 41
Gahhhhhhhhhhh I LOVE your dress. I wish I could get all of my BMs in the blush version. I also love that your wife is wearing a tux for your larger ceremony because it makes her feel like James Bond. That is awesome.
Oh my god, if I had to be a battlefield doctor and someone tried to make me wear a freaking dress, and I love dresses, I’d flip out.
When my aunt and her girlfriend get married, I’m sure they’ll both wear pants. They’re not really dress people.
Post # 42
me and my fiance are both wearing dresses to show that that’s who we are and who we wanna be.
Post # 43
@KelannaDC: When we have our larger ceremony next year, she’s wearing a tux because it makes her feel like James Bond.
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn
I’m also really happy to see a lot of honest, civil responses to a curious question. I’m a straight ally and I often feel like people are afraid to ask questions because they feel they will be seen as “insensitive”. The way I see it, we fear what we don’t know and knowledge paves the way to understanding. I would say that’s why I often click on the lgbtq board, but it’s mostly because I love see the pictures of ALL of the beautiful weddings here on the bee 🙂
Post # 44
It’s already been answered pretty well and please note that I agree with it. You wear what you are comforatble with.
Though personally, I think it should be a dress and a suit. Have you seen the prices on dresses? Paying for 2 of them is half of the budget!*
*For people who keep missing my sense of humor, that is a JOKE. Dresses are expensive.
Post # 45
I totally agree. I LOVE my straight allies, and am always happy to answer their questions.
I totally get and appreciate your sense of humor. It’s funny, my wife’s parents agreed to pay for her tux after she explained to them how much cheaper it would be than a wedding dress (which she wasn’t even considering wearing anyway, but I approve of her negotiation skills).
Post # 46
@wouldyoukindlyy – of COURSE you will look fabulous. I hope you post photos when they happen.
What wonderful answers to the original question. @gangqinjia, I don’t think you were being insensitive at all. You asked the question respectfully and were open to the replies. I admire that you stuck your neck out, as it were. And that you were truly seeking to understand.
One point that I don’t think has been brought up is that the choice of clothing can not only express each person’s preference and level of comfort with whatever role they see themselves and each other in (butch, femme, etc.), the clothes can help to illustrate/express their commitment to each other too. Not merely in the ‘I prefer to be girly while my partner prefers to wear the trousers’ way, though that’s perfectly valid.
I’ve created wedding dresses for double-bride ceremonies that not only express the personality and figure of each wearer, but the dresses work together and harmonize, each sharing elements of the other. I expect that this could work just as well if both brides decided to wear waistcoats, or cravats or wingtips.
Clothing can be such a personal form of expression; it’s really awesome to see people using their clothing choices to re-enforce what they are affirming to the world.