(Closed) Can I ask him if he had a lap dance?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1330 posts
Bumble bee

@ticatica:  I honestly feel girls never get the truth on this answer. Especially because guys know this is not cool to us. Get two guys together, close buds, where the Bridesmaid or Best Man is like “Dude, I am getting you a lapdance whether you like it or not”. Well, when the dance comes up, and he has already paid for it, is he going to be like “No way honey, get off me?” in front of the guys?

Probably not. Most likely, he had a lap dance…especially if the Bridesmaid or Best Man was out to get him on this one. This who thing can eat you up inside. Honestly, there is no way any email or letter is the best way to ask anyone anything where you realyl want the truth.

If you ever want the truth from someone, you jsut ask them, point blank, to their face, I need to know the truth: Did you have a lap dance?

If he looks away, touches his face, if you feel in your gut he is trying to hide something…listen to that.

Watch his reaction, then be prepared to deal with the answer either way.

Good luck 🙁

Post # 4
22 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

You should trust him because you’re going to have to trust him either way.  If he says he didn’t, will you believe him? Or will you keep asking and asking? When you see him, tell him you hope he had a good time, and give him the private lap dance he didn’t get at the club 🙂

Post # 5
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I wouldn’t ask him right when he gets home.

Wait a few days and then ask. I don’t think there is any problem with asking. 

That said though, what will you do if the answer is not the one you want? 

Also, if you ask and he says that he did not, you have to drop it.

Post # 7
812 posts
Busy bee

I don’t really have a problem with lap dances as long as they’re in the main room and not hidden away in a separate room. I would ask him though, relationships need trust and you don’t want it putting doubts in your head

Post # 8
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

awww i know how it is when you get something stuck in your head but

Don’t ask… do you trust him or not?   Has he given you reason to NOT trust him in the past?  like PP said .. if he says no will you believe him? Is this a can of worms you want to open?  This are red flags about the relationship if you don’t trust him.  Plus if he didn’t, won’t he be hurt.  How would you feel if it was reversed.

good luck

Post # 11
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It might kill you, but don’t ask. I’m guessing if he did get a lap dance, it wasn’t because he wanted to violate your feelings or trust, but because his buddies forced it on him. I truly doubt he sought it out himself.

Do you really want to know, is the best question.

Post # 15
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ticatica:  No no, I get that, I’m thinking more like his friends buy him a lapdance without telling him, he says, “No, I can’t do that because ticatica will be upset and I don’t want that to happen”, and buddies basically harrass him and bug him and force it on him. NOT that I used to go to a strip club to drink with friends sometimes *cough* but I have seen that happen more times than I can count. It usually starts with some moron going “What, are you gay?” and spirals out from there.

Post # 16
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

So if he got a lap dance you wouldn’t marry him? Perhaps you shouldn’t be asking him about that and more working on your trust issues before you spend your life married to someone you’re constantly waiting to cheat on, let your down, you or betray you somehow :-/


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