Post # 1
Hey Everyone! Before i explain, I have complete and total trust in my FH.
On that note. My FH has worked at the same company for three years. This year he has brought in enough revenue that his company is sending him on the yearly business “drunk fest” to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for 5 days, all expenses paid.
Now, in previous years he hasn’t qualified for the trip but has always described the trip as follows:
– A trip that everyone goes on just to get wasted and do stupid stuff
– A trip that married and non-single people go on to cheat on their significant others
– Everyone hooks up with everyone on this trip
– Someone always gets seriously injured due to drunk injuries on these trips
– The company specifically states that significant others are not invited, even if they pay their own way
I think that he’s now eating his words since he’s qualified to go this year and he just came home from a week long business trip to Vegas to tell me he’s leaving again in February for this company trip to the Dominican. I am not happy. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but I don’t like him being around this kind of behavior. I can understand why he wants to go, but I know that during those 5 days I would be physically ill the entire time (I have severe anxiety).
Is it unfair of me to tell him that I don’t want him to go? How would you girls deal with this situation if all you heard about this company trip for years were all these negative aspects?
Post # 3
First of all: Are you in counseling for your anxiety? If not, you should be.
Second: I would not specifically forbid him to go. However, I think you two need to have a serious discussion about your expectations for his behavior on the trip.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t want him to go either after the stories he has said about the trips that have gone on previously. What kind of business is this seriously? What is the point of a trip like that, seems so unprofessional and stupid to me.
Post # 5
I can understand your feelings on this. I think the way I would approach this issue is to sit down and have a conversation with him about why he would want to go on a trip that he has previously described in such unflattering terms. What is the attraction, and how would he deal with all of the debauchery around him? If you trust him not to engage in this behaviour, I don’t think it’s fair to have a blanket “I don’t want you to go” kind of stance, but he should be able to think through and verbalize how he’s thinking about this trip.
Post # 6
Tough question! I probably would not want him to go either. And I also completely trust my man, I just don’t see it necessary for him to be around all that. He had his time to get that out of his system before he met me. Can you see if he can take the vacation time and the 2 of you can go somewhere instead?
Post # 7
I just read this to my FH and he said that he would’nt want to go. He said that he wouldn’t want to be around things like that. Honestly, I wouldn’t want my FH to go either (for the same reasons that he said that he wouldn’t want to go).
Post # 8
@MrsGrape, I am in counseling 🙂
@MissAsB, it’s a business filled with recent fraternity graduates (so stereotypical sounding, I know, but it’s really how it is!).
@SadieBee, thanks! that is a good idea. I didn’t think about the “why” approach.
Post # 9
I want to add, I think it also comes to a point where it is not his behavior I would be worried about.
Post # 10
Do they work for a company that profits off college spring breaks? It seems stupid to me. I think you should explain to him that he told you the stories and now you are nervous and go from there. Good luck!
Post # 11
I would definitely ask him not to go since he is the one who has given you all the negative information about the trip. Why would he want to go on such a trip
Post # 12
I would not feel comfortable if my SO was going on a trip like that. And how exactly can they forbid you from going if you pay your own way???
Post # 13
@Bostonsmom, apparently they make these trips out to be some sort of “group building” exercise that SO’s wouldn’t be able to participate….
total bull. The company is run by monkeys.
Post # 14
I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to sit down with him and have a conversation about the trip–why he wants to go, why you’re uncomfortable with it, etc. It shouldn’t be about whether or not you’re going to let him go because he’s an adult and you’re not his mother…but it should be an open and frank discussion where you both feel heard and you come to a decision that you’re both comfortable with. I would be completely uncomfortable with this as well, so I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable. Good luck.
Post # 15
I think you should sit down and express your feelings on why you would like him not to go.
But remember that he is a grown adult and can make his own choices. I would not forbid him to go.
Post # 16
I voted “other.” My only concern with asking him not to go is whether that would be, in effect, asking him to forfeit career-building opportunities. As sucky as it is, that’s how some businesses operate. If you could be sure it wouldn’t affect his future with the company, then I think it would be fine to ask him not to go; otherwise it’s a little tricker.