Post # 1
I hired a day of wedding cordinator and although she is to provide “request and assistance at the bride request” I dont know where you draw the line with that. I feel dumb asking her to do a few of the things. It makes me feel like Im bossing around another adult even though Im paying her for a service. I want every one of my guests to enjoy and I dont want to bother them with anything which is why I hired the coordinator, but below are some of my requests that I feel weird about:
1) We are having a 45 cocktail hour and during that time family members will be called out to take our family photos so me and my fiance dont get to enjoy the appetizer spread. I wanted my coordinator to prepare a plate of apps at place at our headtable since by the time we come in the room dinner service will start.
2) I want her to tote my purse around with her until the reception starts so I can touch up in between then just leave my purse on my headtable chair.
3) After the ceremony I want her to take my veil and card box up to our bridal suite (same location so no driving involved).
Beyond what is included in a normal day of coordinators scope of work, what are you guys asking them do? Do my requests seem strange to ask a coordinator?
Post # 2
No, not at all. My WC told me (not day of, but still) that for the next year he is my bitch. In those words haha.
You hired her to take care of things you don’t want to, or can’t, be responsible for on your day. I’m sure youre paying her a decent amount, and that’s what she’s there for!
Post # 3
If you hired a day of coordinator, separate from the venue’s employment, I think you can ask all of the above. Ours was an employee of the venue and absolutely all that we needed to have that day. I would have expected her to provide the dish of appetizers, but not the other two wishes.
Usually there’s a guest who will have a tote bag of bridal party purses, touch-up make-up, hair accessories, etc. For my two daughters, it was a mother of one of the bridesmaids.
Post # 4
I would have a Bridesmaid or Best Man or family member carry your purse because she’ll be busy running around taking care of stuff. By everything else is totally fine.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I don’t think those are weird. Just make sure you TRUST HER. Especially with your cards (money in them?) and purse (i wouldn’t be leaving my wallet in it).
Post # 6
MrsBagel: still cracking me up!
PABride: MrsBuesleBee: amberback: I dont want any of my guests worried about if I need my purse and having to carry it around which is why I prefer she hold it. I wont have any money in my purse, just the super important stuff like the makup! lol!
Post # 7
Why not have a chat with your coordinator and let her know what you need, then she can tell you what she can/won’t do? My coordinator will not handle the card box at all, due to liability, so we have to have a trusted family member do that. So best to have that discussion with her so everyone is on the same page with expectations.
Post # 8
1234sophia: did you have a frank discussion about expectations (on both of your ends) before hiring her?
If she is a coordinator that you hired, rather than the wedding coordinator employed by your venue, I don’t think your requests are out of line. However, most coordinators will have a list of services they provide, versus what they will not/cannot do (like the example of not touching the card box).
Post # 9
My coordinator did all of this anyway – and a whole lot more! During dinner (when the vendors were eating as well), I asked her to sew up my bustle a little more because it was still dragging. I felt bad, but she was all don’t even worry, that’s what I’m here for.
You should have a contract that gives you a basic idea of what she will and won’t do. Then have a chat with her – I had regular coffee meetings with mine starting about 3 months before the wedding (I only hired her for “day-of” coordination and a little help with the florist) where we would just chat and get to know each other and so she could get a good idea of the wedding plans and day and my expectations.
Post # 10
All except #2 make sense to me. I wouldn’t have been offended to be asked to do #2 when I was a DOC, but I just don’t think it would have made much sense. If my job is to put out small fires and address issues before you know about them and wrangle vendors and the litany of other things that a DOC can find herself doing on the day-of, then having me hold your purse isn’t the best idea–especially during that period of time between the ceremony and reception. And it could lead to frustration for you, because very likely I’m not going to be in your direct line of sight at the exact moment that you decide you want to touch up your lipgloss. For example, one time at a wedding, the outdoor BBQ went out due to drizzling and I had to outside in my suit and pumps to help try to build a fire. I would’ve had no choice but to stash your purse somewhere and hope it’d still be there when I got back. I’d think it makes more sense to have your Maid/Matron of Honor or your mom to hold your purse. I’m sure either of them would be glad to!
Post # 11
I agree with pp’s don’t ask her to carry your purse for you. She needs to be as hands free as possible to take care of business. Ask a bridesmaid or friend to hold it for you.
Post # 12
Xu: I will for sure but I just felt ackward asking in the first place.
flowercrowns: I hired her separately. She did have a list of things she would do but everything else just falls under “requests of the bride” so that was the grey area!
tigergrrl2008: Ok good! thats what im wondering, if im out of line asking for more personal requests!
Overjoyed: I glad you wouldnt find it offensive! Thats what i need to hear! lol! Our ceremony and reception are in the same room so after the ceremony me and fiance go to the library for pictures while everyone stays behind in the room. I only need her for my purse at that time for touch up. I want my mom and moh to stay behind and enjoy cocktail hour and not worry about my purse.
Post # 13
Paying her to carry your purse around is a waste of money and it’s a waste of her time. Her time is better spent on the important things and the big picture, not in carrying your purse that pretty much anyone can do.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I don’t think any of these are beyond the realm of possibility – she certainly shouldn’t be offended – but I suspect most of these could be better delegated to BMs. A DoC usually handles things like talking to vendors, making sure the DJ plays the right song for your big entry, handling minor catering crises, stuff like that. Asking her to carry your purse around, while not a bad request or something that’s too “bossy,” may not be the best use of your investment.
Can you ask an in-law or friend to handle each of those tasks?
Post # 15
1234sophia: Everything that you mentioned is 100% what she is supposed to do. Those requests aren’t even extra, that is what they are there for. When I work as a DOC we do those things without even being requested, so don’t feel bad 🙂