(Closed) Can I ask my parents if they're planning to contribute?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would just plan it as if you were paying for it all. If your mom does help great, but don’t depend on it. I never asked anyone if they were contributing to our wedding, but if money does come along then great.

Post # 4
Member
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Can you approach it as if asking for her help figuring things out?  “Mom, James and I are starting to talk about the budget for our wedding and I was wondering if you could help me decide how much I need to allot for each expense?”  This gives her the opportunity to say “We’ll chip in XX amount” or “We’ll cover the florist and cake.”

 

Post # 5
Member
46589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kb7:  Many people will say No. You shouldn’t ask if they are planning to contribute. A direct question like that can be perceived as rude.

The next time they ask if you have set a date yet, you could say somehting like ” No. We need to ascertain our budget first before we confirm any decisions about the wedding.”

That might prompt a discussion about any contribution they plan to make.

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I point blank asked my dad to help and it was one of the most awkward moments of my life. My parents are divorced & my mom basically made me ask him. I like @Schatzie821: suggestion.

Post # 8
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It all depends on how you bring it up!

Not okay to discuss it in a way that makes it sound like you expect them to contribute or that you assume they will or anything like that. 

But if you sit down and discuss it like….So fiance and I are beginning to plan some of the basic stuff. I really need your help with the family guest list so Fiance and I  can set on our budget and look for an affordable venue. Also I am hoping you will want to come with me to help me pick out my dress! Those are normal things to ask help on, and if your mom is planning to contribute I bet she’ll take that opportunity to say so…if she isn’t, she won’t. 

If she doesn’t and you need financial help down the road, consider asking politely for a loan (not if they are having financial stress though) to help with some of the bigger expenses and discuss a payment plan post wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kb7:  I 100% believe you should ask for the exact amount. It’s not rude, it’s makes financial sense.

My Fiance and I are HUGE on making elequent and planned financial decisions. You don’t want to feel like your planning a wedding that you can’t really afford. Explain to them how important it is to you and your Fiance to start your marriage off in the best financial situation and in order to do that you NEED to know. Both of our parent’s surprised us with how genrous they are going to be. 

I think our parents really understood because they know how fiancies can completely destroy a marriage and they didn’t want that for us. 

Post # 10
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kb7:  I think it really depends. My family is close, but I have never been comfortable asking people for help, I am just really independent. I think if your family is close and you feel comfortable, you could ask. Just say, I am trying to come up with a budget and was wondering if you would be able to help, even in the smallest way. But I also think the PP’s idea about trying to get your mom involved with budget allotments is a good idea. If you could get an estimate of what things would cost, then kind of mention in front of your mom that you and your fiance will have to start saving, maybe she will take the hint and bring up if they will help. Its sort of an awkward situation!

Post # 12
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kb7:  There is really no harm in asking. Just approach it right and don’t sound greedy.  

Post # 13
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrschmura:  +1.

We started planning as if we were paying for it all ourselves and then my family pitched in :).

Post # 14
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Definitely ask.  The worst thing that can happen is they say they can’t swing it.

Post # 15
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I know most people will say don’t ask, but I did!  I knew my dad could help and would want to, but he’s not Mr. Planny.  We had 4 months to make it happen, and I couldn’t dance around waiting for him to realize he should offer LOL.  I didn’t ask for an amount, I asked if he could cover certain things (and made sure the prices were OK with him).  Same with my mom (who did surprise me by buying my dress!).

Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kb7:  plan as if you have to pay for everything yourself. You shouldn’t ask, if your parents want to help, they will offer. If you’ve only been engaged a few weeks and haven’t set a date, that might be a reason why they haven’t offered. 

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