(Closed) Can I be a social bee?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
442 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you but I just wanted to say feel you girl! lol 🙂 I have the exact same issues and it gets pretty tough. It’s not that you don’t want to socialise, you just have no clue what to do or say!

Post # 3
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: An amazing castle. August 2015

Wow you have just described exactly how I feel! I am comfortable around my close friends and family but feel useless around new people. This is even scarier when I know that I am leaving my current job that I have had for 11 years at the end of the year and am going to have to start over again and make new friends, very terrifying when I feel i don’t know how to! 

Post # 4
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

bluesparkles:  I’m a lazy extrovert Lol. When you get me in a room with people you can’t get me to shut up! I dance randomly and I make friends with almost anyone. The problem is getting me to that room of people lolol. 

the only advice I can give you is go into a room with an “I’ll probably never see these people again” in attitude. It works for me! I feel no need to try to be someone I’m not and I feel comfortable just saying what I want because of that. The best part is that the people that genuinely like you from those conversations tend to stick around. That’s how I met the girl that ended up introducing me to my husband ! I hope that helps!

Post # 5
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

The easiest way to talk to people is to ask questions about them. You say it feels like 20 questiions, but most people like talking about themselves and will be happy to blah blah blah about their lives, jobs, whatever. You can always go deeper with your questions or make connections with your own life. And frankly, if the person you’re talking to can’t contribute with some questions of his/her own, that’s their fault!

You probably come off as a lot more social than you think. My husband isn’t even at the basic Ask Questions level of social-ness. 😉

Post # 6
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It’s tough! I am the awkward girl in the corner too. Yesterday I went to a party with people I hadn’t seen since high school. I had to talk myself out of the car, lol. But I stayed for a couple hours and had a decent time, and even started a few conversations. It was hard for me, especially since some of these high school people weren’t really my friends. The guest of honor was, but her friends and I just didn’t mesh well. No problems, but not friendly either.

I asked questions like, “How do you know (guest of honor)?” and just talked about the party, like, “Wow, these brownies are awesome” and “(Guest of honor) really did a great job decorating/planning/whatever”

Like you, I’m an extroverted introvert. I love people, but I’m shy.

Post # 7
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I so get where you’re coming from. One thing I do to keep conversations going is bring up other stories or references that go along with what we’re talking about. Sometimes I’ll mention a story I read recently or an experience I had that relates. I’ll ask questions to the other people I’m talking to, like at a party I would start by asking how they know the host, how long they’ve been friends etc. Ask what they’re drinking and talk about that, stuff like that.

I had the problem of jumping in too quickly and cutting the speaker off, and realized that I was planning my next comment rather than actually listening to what was being said. Try to focus and be in the moment and not plan the conversation out in your head. Good luck, you can do this!

Post # 8
5219 posts
Bee Keeper


bluesparkles:  I work in sales and am also a mix of extrovert/introvert. I have had to teach myself how to be that outgoing person in social settings. Some things I do:

1) Always ask them about themselves. People are very comfortable talking about themselves. So open ended questions ( open ended= forces them to talk rather than answer yes or no). “Where are you from and how long have you lived here?”, “What was that experience like?”, “What have you been reading lately, any suggestions?”. Once you start asking these quesions you’ll uncover information that makes the conversation two sided vs just an interview

2) Be observant. If you’re at a charity event, ask them how they got involved. If you notice something you like ( esp with other women), comment on it. Saying, ” I love your shoes/purse/hair/etc” can open up a whole window of conversation. If the home/office/event space you’re at is nice, talk about it. Comment on the weather, as silly as it seems– it is the most common thing two complete strangers can start to discuss.

3) Make Connections. If you’re at a dinner party, ask how they know the hosts. If you’re at a work function, ask if they’ve ever worked on X project or whatever. Don’t be shy to just throw something random out there, oftentimes people in social settings are also looking to make conversation but need someone to throw it out there first. You’ll be amazed at how a great organic conversation can start with a little prodding and the continuation of open ended questions.

Last, always smile and look pleasant. Even if you’re not talking to anyone or you’re in a group, looking approachable and like you’re having a good time is probably the biggest factor in meeting new people. People like happy looking people, that’s pretty universal. No one wants to stike up a conversation with the woman who is scowling in the corner or  looks bored out of her mind!

Post # 9
928 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me like some of you may have social anxiety. You should look into it to see if that may be what you’re struggling with. It’s hard to fix something when you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

Post # 10
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have never seen such an accurate description of myself before!  I work in retail and am great with customers because I work in a pet Supply shop and am very passionate.  As soon as talk gets away from animal I become so awkward.  I’ve watched my manager and she is juat so great with people.  I’m so jealous. 


When I meet new people I try to get them talking about animals.  It’s something I’m good at and most people also like animals and talking about their pets. 

I have massive issues when strangers make lame jokes.  It takes me way to long to register it as a joke and react accordingly.  I love people, but I also very mich hate everyone.  I usually enjoy being around people buy I always find it difficult to bring myself to social situations.  I was even dreading my MoHs 21st!

Post # 11
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It took me a while to get the hang of making small talk and not being the super awkward girl.  It’ll take some practice and you will mess it up and will create an awkward situation or two.  But don’t sweat it!  It takes practice to get good and everyone has definitely muddled up a conversation or stuck their foot in their mouths at one point in their lives.

Here’s how I make small talk:

1. As PPs have said, ask people questions about themselves!  99% of people are more comfortable talking about themselves and their interests.  Start by asking how they know the host.  If it’s through work or mutual hobby, ask about that hobby.  Oh, you guys are in the same book club?  What are you currently ready?  What has been the most interesting book?  You can ask what they do for a living.  How do they like it?  How did they get into the field?  If they say it’s just something to pay the bills, ask what their dream job would be.

2. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHARE YOUR OWN STORIES/THOUGHTS/OPINIONS!  When people ask you questions, don’t just give short one word answers.  If they ask if you liked a movie, explain why you did or did not like it – don’t just say yes or no.  And if you’re asking questions, don’t be afraid to add your input as well.  Oh you just saw that new movie?  What did you think?  *insert their answer here* I totally agree!  I liked the plot, but the main character was a bit bland.  If someone asks you if you like football (and you don’t) you can say no, I like X sport, or I’m not into sports, I prefer to read, do you read at all?

3. Definitely don’t cut people off, but don’t be afraid to start talking at the same time as someone else.  Just as soon as you notice, say “Opps, I’m sorry, go ahead.”  Then people will remember you wanted to say something and should leave a natual pause or give you a cue to say what you wanted.

4. If you’re having trouble finding someone to start a conversation with, look for the awkward person standing by the drink station or sitting alone on the couch and simply walk up and introduce yourself.  If that isn’t an option, wander into the kitchen and ask if there is anything you can do to help.  I’ve found that people (other than just the hosts) tend to congregate in the kitchen and it’s an easy place to find and start a conversation.  Even if there is no work to be done, you can always comment on the food or jump into the current conversation.  People also congregate by the drinks – so that’s another place to look to introduce yourself.  You get a drink, say hi to whom ever is standing there, and introduce yourself.


I think those are my big ones.  Remember, it takes practice!  So don’t be afraid to screw up.  And don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself if you say or do something dumb.

Post # 12
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If any of you are interested in learning more about introversion (and a bit about extroversion too) I recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain.  I learned a lot about myself.  It sounds like many of you aren’t entirely introverted, but I think it might be a helpful read anyway!

It’s really hard, and I feel you!

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