(Closed) Can I be hurt by this? Or not? Very confused

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yep, I think that makes a huge difference. If both the couples were in similar financial circumstances, that would be one thing.  But since you’re not – well, I do think parents should generally treat their kids equally, but I can understand how they could feel like your Future Sister-In-Law could afford it a lot less than you and your Fiance.

Edit: For instance – my husband’s parents paid for the entirety of his brother’s wedding, because his wife’s family is very poor.  They gave us a smaller amount toward the wedding, since my two sets of parents were both contributing. To me, that was totally fair.  I don’t feel like it was favoritism at all. I know if we ever were in need, they would help us, no questions asked.

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe it was like a baby present for FSIL? Since they did pay for your accomodations (as opposed to nothing at all), I would let this one go 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@Beansy: Well, we were making plans to travel to the in laws for Easter, and then my Fiance got laid off. His parents generously bought our plane tickets so we could still go there. But to my knowledge they didnt do that for his sisters. So I can understad both sides.

 

Post # 7
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Beansy: Ok, that’s different.  It sounds like there’s a pattern of favoritism going on.  The only other explanation I can think of is that it’s a gender thing – that they think parents do that for daughters, not sons, and are assuming your parents will do the same for you two.

I think that’s bullshit, but that’s the only reason I can think of besides out-and-out favoritism.

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beansy: Maybe they are going the traditional route. Brides family pays for the wedding, ect. There is no point in holding on to it.

I wouldn’t have spent $2000 so close to the wedding. Aren’t they coming to the wedding? I would have told them that I will see them then.

Post # 9
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be more hurt that they’re not helping with the wedding (even though they gave so much toward the other sibling) than I would be about the vacation.  It’s one of those touchy subjects where you can’t really voice your feelings because it’s technically not your business what they provide for others (not meant to sound rude).

What does your Fiance say?

Post # 12
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did they pay for your FSIL’s wedding?  I would be a bit peeved then.

At least your FPIL invite you to travel with them, mine just go with Future Sister-In-Law and her b/f and of course pay for everything, and try not to tell us, so everything is relative.

Post # 13
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well, they live abroad. At least you won’t have to see often them or deal with too much more of this after you’re married.

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beansy: Well you did say that the husband is underemployeed and the wife is having a baby (is she not working?) whereas you two are working and you said you have enough money for it. I’m sure if the situation was turned around, your IL’s would have helped you and your Fiance over.

I still wouldn’t be upset about it. In the long run, it’s not important. If you hold on to it, you are just going to look jealous and bitter.

Post # 15
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

How do you know they’re paying for the Future Sister-In-Law and her husband? Who was dumb enough to tell you so you have something to hold against his parents? That’s who I’d be annoyed with…

Post # 16
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Be comforted in the fact that should you and hubby ever get into a rut or need some financial help, your in-laws seem very willing to provide.

Im in a similar situation Future Sister-In-Law has three kids, wants a divorce and gets everything paid for by my Future Mother-In-Law, down to gas in her tank and dates with new men!  I just try and be thankful we can provide for ourselves and are blessed when his mom does treat us to things.

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