Post # 1
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
Hi Bees,
A few weeks ago Fiance and I went to Spain with my Future In-Laws. Fiance and I paid for our tickets, FIL’s paid for our accomodations there. Future Sister-In-Law and her husband were there as well, and FIL’s paid EVERYTHING for them, tickets and accomodations. The tickets were more than $2000, and while we have enough money for it, they’re not helping with the wedding and it would have been nice to have that $2000 to put elsewhere, particuarly as they felt it was appropriate to do so for Future Sister-In-Law and her husband. They live abroad, so if we want to see them, we HAVE to travel, I just feel like its unfair that we have to spend thousands for what other sibs get for free.
Future Sister-In-Law is expecting a baby, and her husband is underemployed, should that make a difference?
Thanks Bees
Beansy
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
Yep, I think that makes a huge difference. If both the couples were in similar financial circumstances, that would be one thing. But since you’re not – well, I do think parents should generally treat their kids equally, but I can understand how they could feel like your Future Sister-In-Law could afford it a lot less than you and your Fiance.
Edit: For instance – my husband’s parents paid for the entirety of his brother’s wedding, because his wife’s family is very poor. They gave us a smaller amount toward the wedding, since my two sets of parents were both contributing. To me, that was totally fair. I don’t feel like it was favoritism at all. I know if we ever were in need, they would help us, no questions asked.
Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
Maybe it was like a baby present for FSIL? Since they did pay for your accomodations (as opposed to nothing at all), I would let this one go 🙂
Post # 5
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
Sorry, can I add another detail? Two years ago FILS paid for my FSIL’s entire wedding (upwards of $50,000) and ALSO gave her a $20,000 wedding gift to start them off. They are not paying a dime towards our wedding, and I don’t mind that, but I feel like if they’re in a position to offer it to one set of children, they should at least offer it to the other– I mean the flights to Europe, not the paying for the wedding.
Post # 6
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee
@Beansy: Well, we were making plans to travel to the in laws for Easter, and then my Fiance got laid off. His parents generously bought our plane tickets so we could still go there. But to my knowledge they didnt do that for his sisters. So I can understad both sides.
Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
@Beansy: Ok, that’s different. It sounds like there’s a pattern of favoritism going on. The only other explanation I can think of is that it’s a gender thing – that they think parents do that for daughters, not sons, and are assuming your parents will do the same for you two.
I think that’s bullshit, but that’s the only reason I can think of besides out-and-out favoritism.
Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@Beansy: Maybe they are going the traditional route. Brides family pays for the wedding, ect. There is no point in holding on to it.
I wouldn’t have spent $2000 so close to the wedding. Aren’t they coming to the wedding? I would have told them that I will see them then.
Post # 9
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
I would be more hurt that they’re not helping with the wedding (even though they gave so much toward the other sibling) than I would be about the vacation. It’s one of those touchy subjects where you can’t really voice your feelings because it’s technically not your business what they provide for others (not meant to sound rude).
What does your Fiance say?
Post # 10
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
@Miss Tattoo: I’m TOTALLY ok with them not paying for wedding stuff. My parents are helping us out substantially. What I am less ok with is– where is the tradition that says you pay for your daughter and her husband to fly to Europe, but you leave your son and his fiance on the hook for $2000 tickets shortly before teh wedding? Fiance didn’t want to turn down a chance to see his parents, because as they live abroad we just dont’ see them very often.
Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
@milesbella: I actually dont’ even mind the wedding bit because my parents are being so helpful (THANK YOU MOMMY AND DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!) and you’re right, its techncially none of my business what they choose to do with their money. I am just frustrated at the expectation that, three months before the wedding, we will spend $2000 of OUR money to go see them (because we wouldn’t have taken this trip if not to see them) while Future Sister-In-Law gets it for free.
Fiance finds it frustrating that it costs thousands of dollars to do something that most people take for granted (i.e. seeing his parents) and that his parents are enabling his sister to do things beyond her means, isntead of saying “Oh, well we’ll see you when your husband has a job and you guys are in a better situation”
Post # 12
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
Did they pay for your FSIL’s wedding? I would be a bit peeved then.
At least your FPIL invite you to travel with them, mine just go with Future Sister-In-Law and her b/f and of course pay for everything, and try not to tell us, so everything is relative.
Post # 13
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
Well, they live abroad. At least you won’t have to see often them or deal with too much more of this after you’re married.
Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@Beansy: Well you did say that the husband is underemployeed and the wife is having a baby (is she not working?) whereas you two are working and you said you have enough money for it. I’m sure if the situation was turned around, your IL’s would have helped you and your Fiance over.
I still wouldn’t be upset about it. In the long run, it’s not important. If you hold on to it, you are just going to look jealous and bitter.
Post # 15
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper
How do you know they’re paying for the Future Sister-In-Law and her husband? Who was dumb enough to tell you so you have something to hold against his parents? That’s who I’d be annoyed with…
Post # 16
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Be comforted in the fact that should you and hubby ever get into a rut or need some financial help, your in-laws seem very willing to provide.
Im in a similar situation Future Sister-In-Law has three kids, wants a divorce and gets everything paid for by my Future Mother-In-Law, down to gas in her tank and dates with new men! I just try and be thankful we can provide for ourselves and are blessed when his mom does treat us to things.
Member