Post # 17
Miss Biner, this is a private event and a bride can exclude people from her wedding for any reason she wishes – including discriminatory ones so I believe your post is incorrect.
Whether it is nice or not to exclude the dog and thus the aunt is a different question.
Is your Fiance close to the aunt? Could the aunt have expected that you’d already know about the dog/expect the dog at your wedding?
I agree that the aunt was rude in not talking to you about it but I would let the dog and aunt attend.
Post # 18
I voted no way, but I guess I actually have a caveat. There are some things that would change my mind one way or the other.
First, how old is the dog? How long has it been “in training?” If it is a young puppy with little training, then I would say no. Crate the dog somewhere or don’t come. I know it’s rude to uninvite someone, but if a 12 week old puppy is going to be peeing in the aisle then I would risk the etiquette offense to avoid it. And in all reality, the aunt should have RSVPd no in the first place if the dog isn’t trained well enough yet anyway!
If the dog is over a year old (my arbitrary choice) and had been in training since it was removed from its litter and was very unlikely to act up, then I would say yes you can bring your dog BUT: 1) You must sit in the back near an exit and 2) You must agree to immediately leave if the dog cannot handle the wedding or the reception.
If this was an actual dog in service, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it, as most people with service dogs also have the common sense to leave an area where their dog is acting up. Trained service dogs aren’t perfect either, but their owners know that and will generally not “hijack” an event by staying while their dog chews on the church pews or barks at the organist.
Post # 19
@FMILady: Actually, you’d be amazed. When children approach Fiance and his dog, it’s usually because they have asked if it’s okay. We have never had a small child just walk up and pet her, and we have only had a twelve year old do it once, at which time we gently let him know that he needed to ask first. The other situation is people asking if it’s okay to pet her, and it usually is. We instruct her to sit, and she sits, and then she can receive pets. The other situation is people’s kids point out the dog, and their parents let them know that the doggie is helping that man. And then life moves on.
Yes, life moves on.
The room doesn’t stop and look at us for more than a moment, and then it’s over. The WEDDING will not be stolen by a future service dog, just like the wedding would not be stolen by a Mother-In-Law wearing white.
Post # 20
OMFG If someone asked me this question, I would go apeshit bonkers cookoo batshit crazy all over them!
Post # 21
There’s different levels of training for a service dog.
1) First year of life – learning basic comands, socially growing, getting used to being in stores, cars, etc.. and starting to do tasks towards the later part of that first bit of training time.
This level dog, I would personally “prefer” stayed at home, but if the owner is taking responsibility (as they must) it’s up to her.
2) “Advanced” training. During this stage they are essentially a “service dog” but still learning and growing. After this, they will be matched with their owner.
If you do approach it at all, I would say “Aunt ___, the main thing is that we don’t want you to miss out because of the dog. We’re so grateful for the work you do, but we really want to celebrate with you at our wedding and have you be able to dance, socialize, and have a great time.”
I’m voting “yes, no problem” because if she WAS disabled, there would be no question as to whether or not the dog could come. I’ve known some service dogs, and I know people who train them… they HAVE to be there with their “work vest” on and will indeed be very well behaved.
Post # 23
So bluebride, what did you decide? I think it was rude of her not to ask you guys first.
Post # 24
I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Aside from the fact that I love dogs, this isn’t a normal dog. Its a working dog. Like others have said… its her job to take the dog EVERYWHERE. And who really cares if the dog is there? Whats it going to do?
Post # 25
I feel horribly selfish for not wanting the dog there, I just wish she had brought this up to us in a different way and maybe not 3 weeks before the wedding since we’ve seen her several times in the last few months usually without the dog (I actually forgot that she had one because her and her husband share the training responsibilities). Last time I saw the dog was Christmas and it was still in its jumping up on people and trying to get table scraps stage. I’m assuming that it’s past this point of its training now. If we were having an outdoor or garden type wedding I don’t think I would have cared at all. But we’re having a very formal ceremony and the reception is at a downtown location with no really good places for her to take the dog when it needs to go outside or if there are any problems.
I’m usually a very understanding and level headed person, it’s just that we’ve had all kinds of special requests from people in the last couple days and I think reading her e-mail threw me over the edge. I actually saw a helper dog last week and thought about her and figured it wasn’t coming because she hadn’t mentioned it to us.
I completely understand that this dog is not a pet, but its also not completely trained. If it were her helper dog there would definitely be no question about it.
Post # 26
Oh my goodness! I would say no way to the dog. Even the most well behaved dogs have their moments
Post # 27
I really think this is one of those things you should just get over. She legally has a right to bring the dog and she is doing everything she can to try and make the situation as easy as possible.
From what I know/think people who train dogs are very serious about their work. It could be very offending if you try to approach her about this subject and may cause more of an issue then needs to be.
Post # 28
I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all.
I understand that service dogs need to be trained in public situations but I think it’s a bit rude of her to just assume that you would be okay with it. I mean what if you or your Fiance were allergic? I think she should have come to the two of you first and explained the situation and asked if you’d be okay with it.
That said – she already missed that step so I guess you need to decide IF you are okay with it. I personally wouldn’t mind, but that’s because we are having a less formal event.
However you are 100% entitled to request that she leave it elsewhere, do not feel bad about it – it’s your wedding, this dog is not someone’s actual service dog (yes, it’s training but it’s not actually aiding a disabled guest – which if that were the case you would have known about the dog from the beginning). So legally – a VENUE would have to allow it but YOU do not, just as you can exclude people’s children.
Post # 29
I voted yes because this is a service dog. She will be responsible for the behavior of this dog, and if she were a guest in that had a service dog, she would have to bring the dog or not come. It is not her pet. It is a working dog and needs to be exposed to all kinds of situations. I, personally, think that this would be a wonderful opportunity for the dog to get some exposure to a new situation. If it were my wedding, I would not have a problem with it.
Post # 30
It’s a tough situation to be in. However, it is your wedding and it is your day. The dog is in training, it is not a service animal for one of your guests. Obviously, if that were the case, it would not be an issue. I can see your concerns, you spoke of the dog’s behavior at Christmas. It would have been appropriate and courteous for the aunt to have asked you…..but that didn’t happen.
I don’t know what the right answer is here, and I see if from both sides. Sorry and best of luck. But, I think it comes down to, it is your wedding. Do what is right for you.
Post # 31
This is a service dog in training correct? Then, no she doesn’t need to ask you for permission, seeing as service dogs are allowed anywhere people can go (which means she doesn’t need to clear it with the venue either). If she were actually disabled would you have a problem with it? My guess would be no. It takes a lot of work to train these dogs and they have to be with their trainer all the time. That’s how they learn…