Post # 47
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
First, I find it frustrating that even though many people have pointed out that she’s perfectly within her rights to say the dog can’t come, people are STILL saying she is legally obligated to let the dog come. No, she is not. That sort of legality only applies to a public PLACE or venue. So, yes the venue legally has to allow the dog to come. The bride however, does NOT. That’s like saying that your venue is in a public place so you’re not allowed to exclude anyone from the guest list just because they’re legally allowed to be there – that makes no sense!
So, yes. She can say that the dog can’t come and be fully within her rights.
(rant over. I’ll get to my answer now)
I really think this is a tough situation. I definitely agree with what others have said that this is a service dog that needs to be trained, and it won’t behave like a regular dog would. Honestly, I seriously doubt you’d have to worry about the behavior of the dog at the wedding. I would worry about the behavior of other people. For one, as it was mentioned, people might be allergic, and I have also known people who are deathly afraid of dogs, which could cause problems as well. And, there is always the possibility that people will be so excited/curious to see a dog at the wedding that they will want to be around it and potentially stress the dog out. That might not happen, but it is an unusual place to see a a dog, and people can sometimes get a little crazy at weddings 🙂
All that said, as long as you know no one is severely allergic enough for the dog to affect them, I think it’s fine. I do agree that it was incredibly rude of her to not even ask, but I think if I were in your situation I’d allow the dog to come.
Post # 48
Personally I would tell the Aunt that she is invited and that you would prefer to have the dog stay at home.
She is not disabled and does not need to use your wedding as a chance to train the dog.
I have two dogs. I am a dog person.
I have a uncle with a service dog..and the dog not coming to my wedding. He will be in the hotel while the ceremony is going on. (He’s been a service dog for more then 5 years and basically invisable, but my uncle is still going to leave him for the few hours) I did not ask for this..But if he did want to bring his I would be ok, cause like I said he is invisble most of time (laying under tables, really quite)
But I know that would not be the case for a newly trained dog. Maybe I’m wrong..
But I think I would be just offended by the way the aunt told you she was bringing the dog and not asking….JMO
Post # 49
@MissHelen- I have lived long enough to see this kind of thing happen- and yes, it CAN become disruptive… and yes, the best animals in the world can pass gas, soil the runner, become agitated, sniff the wrong person’s crotch, etc. ad infinitum. There is just no need to worry the bride at her wedding with this- and, the aunt is NOT disabled. Again, this is a private function and the bride and groom have the right not to invite anyone they so desire… I have a tendency to feel that the aunt probably has “look at me” type issues, or she would have talked to the bride beforehand. She knows what she porposes is dicey… I do not believe for a moment that situation is straightforward.
Post # 50
I don’t think you were crazy by being upset she didn’t even ask if her dog could come. If it were me, I would say no. There will be kids at my wedding & some kids love to randomly yell “doggie!!” so that may interfere, plus people in the wedding are severely affected by dog allergies. I do love dogs & if the aunt had a disability & needed her already-trained service dog, I’d definately make the exception HOWEVER using the wedding “as a training excersize” sounds sketch. Some dogs don’t pass the training cause they get too excited around others, bark disruptively, they don’t like loud noises, or etc. It does have the potential to be fine thou. It probably depends on how well trained the dog is so far. I don’t think it would be rude of you to talk to the aunt about her dog not being able to come.
If you do decide on letting her bring her dog, I would talk with her about how she is responsible for the dog & if anyone charges security fees, I would ask her to pay them. Dog pee on carpet may cause the reception place to charge you for hazordous clean-up or to sue you for the cost of replacing the carpet. Most people don’t do that, but in this day & age, ya never know.
Post # 51
Just because the aunt signed a contract, doesn’t mean the couple has to suffer the consequences! @ BleuBride – you are not selfish at all and shouldn’t feel bad. (And the legality of it doesn’t matter – the couple doesn’t owe the aunt an invitation and it’s not a public space).
The dog is still in training, so it’s not a service dog yet, and could potentially disrupt the event/pee on the bride/etc etc! (A dog that accompanies a blind person is different – that dog is already trained and is probably better behaved than most children.) A wedding would be probably the very final type of event to train a dog at…and only with the enthusiastic agreement of the couple.
I think the aunt was rude not to ask whether you are OK with her training the dog at your wedding. Whenever one has a special requests like that one has to make sure it’s OK with the couple, rather than impose their wishes like that. It doesn’t matter how good a cause it is.
I voted “no way” but in theory my opinion would depend on: how close you are to the aunt, how old the dog is and how long he was in training and it’s history, whether there are other dogs, children, allergies or stuff like that, and the venue and type of event…
Post # 52
I wouldn’t have a problem with this because disability rights are near and dear to my heart, and I have experience with leaders in training. That said, no one is required, ethically or legally, to make every event accomodating to every important cause in the world. If the dog would make you nervous, at the very least you should express all of your concerns, hear your aunt out, think about it, and make a choice that you are comfortable with. Unless the dog is still very young, I think you will find that it isn’t a big deal, but it is perfectly fine for you to make the decision you feel best about.
Post # 53
If the dog is just in the beginning stages of training, I’d say no dog. But if it’s an experienced dog? I don’t see the problem. But you don’t have to have it there if it makes you uncomfortable, since you’re aunt isn’t disabled, but just training the animal.
Personally? I wouldn’t make a big deal of it if the dog was experienced enough. Those dogs are so well behaved compared to my friends’ and family’s dogs, who are well intentioned but don’t know how to sit still and not jump and misbehave. ANNOYING, and I wouldn’t let them on the premises of a wedding. Service animals behave better than most of my family members, now that i’m thinking of it. haha
Post # 54
I wouldnt have a problem with this IF the dog was for a person that needed it to be there. however for training purposes…bring it somewhere else! Or at the very least ask you and your Fiance if you would mind having a dog there to train…..I mean its trainING not Trained! I would say NOPE if she gets upset she gets upset easy as that but u will not need to think about it again!
Post # 55
@Melissabegins – LOL so true. I would take a service dog over 1/3 of my family. Well behaved and cute beats drunk and obnoxious any day of the week.
Post # 56
Ooh, i didn’t think about allergies. I’d check her table mates and if any had allergies, I’d find a corner to sit auntie i-don’t-ask-you-before-i-bring-a-dog and her training dog.
Post # 57
I voted “Yes”, only because I think you could take advantage and get a couple cute pictures. And it will be unique! (Glass half full, <3)
HOWEVER, in my family, my little cousin is crazy allergic to dogs and her mom definitely would need to give her some benadryl before coming… so keep that in mind if you have allergies in your family.
I would also make sure she is prepared to handle the dog in a busy environment. I think this deserves a face to face about rules regarding the dog (ie: can people touch it? Will she be comfortable being seated off to the side? Who will be handling the dog while she is dancing/mingling?)
I would also come up with a cute way to alert your guests that this is a service dog in training and “do not touch”… maybe with a cute poster or table sign? Or maybe the dog will wear one of those special coats?
Post # 58
I voted “No Way” – mainly because it is not a service dog in action yet. Granted, I don’t know the rules about how they are trained, but when she RSVPd, the respectful thing to do would be to call and say “hey, I’m training a service dog, and I’m required to bring him everywhere I go. Unfortunately, at this point that includes your wedding. I would need to bring him along if I come, otherwise I will have to RSVP “no” to maintain my end of the training contract.”
It was her decision to become a trainer (and a very commendable one at that), not yours. She should have sought out your input beforehand to see if it was okay, instead of just assuming.
Post # 59
Absolutely not. This is not an issue about disability rights, this about the aunt’s misguided presumptions . If either you or your Fiance felt differently I would possibly consider allowing this, but both of you do not want the animal at your affair. If you don’t feel comfortable telling her yourself, I would ask either your mother or his to talk to their sister/sister in law and let them know that while she is more than welcome, the dog is not.
Post # 60
Whew, what an interesting issue! I’ve been around here a long time and this is the first I’ve ever heard of this coming up.
For me it depends on the particular dog and how he is actually going to behave. If the dog is in later stages of training it should be fine for her to bring him because he’ll not make a fuss and get a new experience to boot. If he’s brand new I might ask her to leave him home though—he can get his feet wet in less fraught situations first before going to a wedding! And regardless, I agree with you that your aunt is presumptuous to just assume he can come. It would have been much better for her to bring this up with you first.
I hope that you are able to resolve it so that everyone ends up happy.
Post # 61
I personally don’t know what I’d do in this situation, as I love dogs and understand this one would be gaining valuable experience. But he’s still in training nd could be disruptive, and that’s a bother for me especially because I’m having a formal, indoor winter wedding at a pretty upscale historic mansion in NYC. I think people might be upset by it, as a dog is a bit out of place at such an event if he isn’t perfectly behaved. If he destroyed anything we paid a lot of money for, I’d be very, very upset.
You seem to bee very against having this dog at your wedding, and it is totally within your rights to say no. I think you should.