Post # 1
Please help! My wedding is scheduled to happen in 3.5 months and I can’t take the stress anymore! Save-the-dates were sent a couple of months ago and bridesmaids have paid for their dresses. We are paying for everything ourselves without help from parents (which is part of the problem, expenses are getting out of hand!) and of course we would reimburse the bridesmaids for their dresses.
Family drama and unsupportive people have sucked any sense of excitement or joy from our upcoming wedding. Asking most people to do the simplest thing, such as ordering their bridesmaid dress has been such a battle! Then, there are the people who want to help. But, they refuse to help with anything I ask them to. I have tried to keep everybody happy and make them feel included, but it’s impossible. Some people seem to have no interest whatsoever-the “maid-of-honor”, the father of the bride, a bridesmaid (grooms sister), and a couple of groomsmen for example who are impossible to ever get in touch with and/or only have negative critical things to say. Or there are people who feel the only way to “help” is to try and take over and start calling the shots, giving orders and making demands such as the mother of the groom and the sister of the bride. It seems the only thing anybody does anymore is argue.
To add to the stress, we (fiancé and I) had unexpected car and household problems that required us to spend a big chunk out of our already stretched to the max savings and wedding budget.
I just don’t feel any of this is worth it emotionally or financially anymore. We feel like cutting our losses financially and avoiding anymore family conflict and just doing a private ceremony with the 2 of us and a JOP-no big ceremony, no more planning, no showers, no reception!
Is it too late? Invitations have not been sent but we sent save-the-dates for 200 guests. How do I back out now?
Post # 3
ouch – this is a tough one and im so sorry you feel like this!
ultimately its the decision of you and you Fiance and if you both want to cancel and would be happy with doing an intimate ceremony instead and this would be something that neither of you would regret in the future then i say go for it.
its the start of your married life together, you want it to be a happy time – not a stressful one!
i think 3.5 months isnt as short a notice as i think you think it is, and im sure people will understand that other things have come up with you need to spend your finances on.
have you thought about still having an evening reception? you could have the intimate ceremony first and still be able to see the friends and family you had originally invited to the wedding? it would just be a slight amendment to the invitations then?
i dont know if what i have said has helped but i wish you all the best!
Post # 4
Of course it isn’t too late. It’s your gosh darned wedding, you can do what you want.
Post # 5
It’s never too late! You can do what makes you happy. 🙂
Post # 6
Its definitely not too late! I had a friend who did a similar thing, but kept the bridesmaids (since they had already paid for the dress and didn’t want to be rude). About 2 months after their wedding the couple hosted a barbeque for friends at their house. It was a great way to cuts costs.
But i will give you one suggestion— dont notify people via facebook message! it was really kind of tacky!
Post # 7
Of course you can cancel the big wedding but I do think you need to handle the situation carefully. You don’t want the uninvited guests (who probably have no idea the stress you personally are feeling) to think that you just changed your mind on inviting them. It could hurt their feelings and damage relationships.
Personally if I was in your situation I would cancel the big wedding and send out a nice cancellation postcard saying something like the wedding of MissusG and MrG will not go ahead as planned. I would then hold off on the wedding for a few months and then do it how you want (alone, with a couple of friends whatever).
Post # 8
Yes you can, I hope you guys make sure it really want you want before doing it. I think word of mouth is great, then sending a nice card with wedding annoucements might be a good idea.
Post # 9
Thank you to each of you! I guess even though I know it’s supposed to be my day and only about what Fiance and I want, it gets away from one easier than I thought to the point where it becomes nothing either of us want and constantly trying to please others. I’ve been accused of being “a bridezilla” and a “know-it-all” for saying something as gently as:”thanks for thinking of us. We have something different in mind that we’re going with but I appreciate the ideas and will let you know if there’s anything we need help with” in regards to Future Mother-In-Law deciding she should take charge of flowers, centerpieces and programs. Wow! Seriously people behave this way?!?Thank goodness Mr.G is in my corner and let mommy dearest know that is unacceptable and to back off. But, Ugh! I have so many examples of being flat out abused by people, I can’t do it anymore. I have always heard that wedding planning can be one of the most stressful times in one’s life, but I never would have guessed in a million years that it can bring out the UGLY in people the way it has!
It’s nice to have “permission” to do things our way even if it means scrapping the big ordeal and saving our valuable sanity and money. And even if that permission comes from strangers on a message board, it still feels great! It’s nice to hear from people who aren’t emotionally involved or have their feathers ruffled. Thanks ladies
Post # 10
I think people understand. And it’s still time for people to cancel any travel arrangements they’ve made.
Trim the whole thing way down to a small wedding – even the courthouse if that is enough for you. Buy back the dresses and such, and sell them to get as much of your money back as you can.
And then ENJOY your wedding day, which is how it should be. The stress of all this is soul-breaking. I can’t imagine how hard it would be without sufficient support and cooperation.
Hang in there.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t say its such an easy yes as others are saying. You would have to make sure not to piss everyone off. It is your day, but others need to be considered. Let people know ASAP so they don’t make travel arrangments for your wedding. I think you need to pay your bridesmaids for the dresses if they cannot return them. You’ll lose any deposits you’ve put down. And I’m sure a few people will be really unhappy with you and very hurt by your decision.
Post # 12
Post # 13
I cancelled a weddng after sending out Save-The-Date Cards and lived to tell. I either called or emailed every single person that recieved one and explained.
And then i planned an entirely different wedding.
Post # 14
This was me a few weeks ago.
Fiance kept saying, no you can’t cancel. This is the day you’ve been waiting for. Then something snapped. I’ve told the Bridesmaid, I don’t care what you wear, make sure its in the colour scheme and matches. Stress gone. I feel a 100 pounds lighter. I am making my own decisions and no longer seeking approval from any of them. Fiance and I make the decisions and they can wait and see everything at the wedding if they choose to come. I told my Mother today as she was worried my centerpieces “wouldn’t look good” she “doesn’t want people talking” I said, “Come if you want, I would like you there, but if you fear my wedding is not going to meet your standards, then you don’t have to come”
For the finanical part, can you just pare it down? Invite less people. If you are already stressed and they unsupportive, then what do you care what they think? Only invite those that have been helpful, supportive or at the very least not negative.
Don’t let them ruin your dream day. Wedding Bee has been such a great source. I have finally learned that unsupportive and crictical seems to be the norm, not the exception. So we are all in this great wedding mess together.
Post # 15
It is never too late to cancel!!! However I think you and the Fiance should talk to those who are acting out and try to make it work. You planned this big wedding because that is what you wanted and nobody should make you change your mind except you. I too have been accused of a bridezilla and a Bridesmaid or Best Man actually nominated me for the show and they called me lol. It is hurtful. Everybody has an opinion and it gets stressful. I took on the approach as MRSTIMMY did and it really did get rid of all the stress. This day is all about you and one of the only days you get for it to be all about you make sure you are happy first good luck. If you like read my board 9weeks until my wedding and BMs wont wear the dress this way you will know you are not alone!!!! wedding bee boards are a great release we get to talk shit about everyone and dont have to worry about their feelings!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 16
YES. I cancelled my wedding 4 months to go and only Save-The-Date Cards when out.
Thankfully we got all our money back (had the venue, caterer, photographer, officiant). Well we won’t get $300 back from the photographer but she’ll do our engagements for that price plus the CD.
You can back out. I only had 75 guests so I emiled them all (only 25 emails). Those that did not reply right away got phone calls later one. I didn’t want to call all 25 people.
If you are thinking of inviting less people, you do still have to invite everyone who got a save the date.