Post # 1
It’s going to be in 3 weeks. I didn’t really want a bachelorette party in the first place, not really my thing. But my Maid/Matron of Honor was so excited to plan one, I made some suggestions for a fun and cheap night out with friends. Now that I found out the plans include dinner which will be about $75-100 per person, and after dinner trekking to the other side of the city for expensive drinks, which is not me! I am a beer and chicken wing girl, this is martini and caviar kind of night. I don’t feel comfortable asking people to pay that much, and I don’t like the food at the restaurant. Also 1/2 the people I put on the list aren’t invited, don’t know why. I just really don’t want to do this, plus I found out a band I really want to see is going to be in town, and I’d rather just go do that.
Post # 2
Assuming nobody has already shelled out money for the party, then I would say it’s fine to cancel.
Post # 3
I feel you. I didn’t want a bachelorette party in the least, but my friends really wanted to plan one for me, so I went along with it. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can get out of it without really hurting your MOH’s and the other girls’ feelings. I would just put a smile on your face and do it — it’s just one night and you’re lucky to have friends who want to spoil you!
I would, however, follow up with her as to why half your list wasn’t invited.
Post # 4
How long has it been booked in the diary, for how many people and have they already paid anything/are they aware of the costs?
Post # 5
Canceling now would be rude and most likely hurtful to the planner. Mine wasn’t “me” either but unfortunately you don’t get to plan your own party. It sounds like they’re trying to do something special for you, so my advice would be to be appreciative and make the best of it.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t but I would ask whoever is throwing it for you to maybe change it because you feel bad asking people to pay that much. Though if they all had a hand in planning it or have already decided to go this means the are OK with the price tag.
Post # 7
justthis: I would try to go and have fun, but if no one made any financial commitment, I would cancel, if you’re really going to be miserable. I know it may hurt your Maid/Matron of Honor feeelings, but she was very rude to go against what you wanted to begin with. I know your friends are suppose to be the ones that plan, but what kind of friends are they if they don’t care about you having a good time?
Post # 8
I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my friend’s wedding a few years ago. The Maid/Matron of Honor organized a pretty weird bachelorette (it included a historical scavenger hunt, casual food, then back to her house for chick flicks and popcorn…where everyone fell asleep). I figured she must have consulted with the bride so we all went with it, but the bride had no idea what we were doing and was really disappointed (she wanted something completely different, like a spa day and a nice dinner, then a fun bar for drinks) and years later, she is still bitter about it. It turns out that the Maid/Matron of Honor had no idea what to plan and picked random stuff and would’ve loved to have the bride’s input. How do you think your Maid/Matron of Honor would react if you asked to change the plans to see the band instead? I get that you’re not supposed to plan your own bachelorette, but I also don’t think you should be unhappy with the plans either, especially since you know about them. I agree with PP that if nobody paid any money yet, maybe see if the Maid/Matron of Honor can adjust the plans. I’m sure the guests won’t be upset to pay less! Also, def ask about why half the list wasn’t invited. That’s weird. Good luck!
Post # 9
this is why I dont understand why people dont plan their own… its not a gift giving event so
I would be asking the Maid/Matron of Honor why she is throwing herself a party, surely she knows you and knows you would hate that so its not a party for you – just go out and see a band or whatever you want to do
Post # 10
I would ask her if things have been paid for already and if not, tell her to cancel.
Post # 11
I would have a heart to heart with your Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m sure she thinks she has done a fabulous job in planning an over the top bachelorette that you will love.
Post # 12
Have you talked to your Maid/Matron of Honor about it?
Before cancelling it entirely, I would talk to her about it and let her know that while you appreciate her going to all this trouble, you would much rather have a more beers and chicken wing type of thing. If she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, she should know how you are. It’s possible that she just assumes you will want to go fancier for your bachelorette party, so I think you just need to make her realize that you don’t want anything like that.
As for not inviting half of your guest list, that’s just odd. Did she make some sort of mistake? Definitely talk to her about it, tell her it’s your bachelorette party and those are the people you want to be there.
If she’s not willing to budge on these things, then cancel. Bachelorette parties are supposed to be fun for both the brides and the bridesmaids, but I think the bride having to suffer through an evening she doesn’t want is just ridiculous.
Post # 13
MrsLucky, that would be an awesome party for me!
Anyway she did ask and I suggested dinner and karaoke, but on the cheap. The whole wedding has been about not spending or asking others to spend, that’s just my thing. She’s not planning something for herself, and I know she just wants to do something nice for me, it’s just too nice. I’ll bring up the band, but again, I’m not sure everyone would like it and I don’t want people to spend $35 on a ticket to a show they wouldn’t go to themselves. Basically I’m not comfortable with people spending money on me. But I’ll see if she can change it. I don’t think any money has been spent yet, so hopefully that’s the case.
Post # 14
justthis: I think your Maid/Matron of Honor would be less hurt if you wanted to change plans than if you were to cancel altogether. Sit her down over a drink or coffee and tell her you’re so thankful for everything she’s doing, but would be more comfortable with something a little cheaper and low key.
Post # 15
I think it is super rude to cancel the bachelorette and go see the band. Your Maid/Matron of Honor is trying to treat you, and if you cancelled because you would rather do your own thing, you’re essentially spitting in her face. Kind of a bratty move..
It’s unfortunate she’s not doing what you wanted to do.. but honestly it sounds to me like she is just trying to treat you. If you really are super uncomfortable with it, I would talk to her. Also, I would follow up with her as to why half of your list wasn’t invited. That is the most problematic part of this in my opinion.