(Closed) Can I count FI's family out if they don't rsvp?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@speechgal44:  To keep the peace I would plan for an extra 10% with food and have formal seating. No name card, no seat. However, I would plan the extra 10% for immediate  family….brother, sister, mom, dad and grandparents. Everyone else can come to the wedding but if they don’t RSVP for the reception then they will not be seated. That’s your FI’s issue… let him handle his family and you handle yours. You don’t want to become the victim of their aggression.

Post # 4
3265 posts
Sugar bee

You are the one who will look bad when they show up and you have no place to seat them and no meal.

I would leave them a message after the deadline saying “If we don’t hear from you by XX/XX/XXXX then we will have to count you as a no”

But if they show up anyway then I think you have to accomodate them, as a good host waters down the soup when there is an extra guest (or 10) for dinner.

Also recruit his family to get answers from them.

Post # 5
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Be the bigger person and contact each person. If you don’t get to talk to them, leave a message saying that you’ll mark them down as a no if you don’t hear from them by X day you’ll mark them as a no. Have Fiance do it if you need, but someone has to make the phone call.

Post # 7
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i would have your fi contact his family for rsvp’s. 


Post # 8
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t count them out.  BUT, I would definitely get Fiance, his mom or dad to call whomever it is that is slack to get a final count.  Tell your FI’s family to say something like, “okay, so you’re sure that you’re coming/not coming?  Because after we send in the numbers, there’s no going back”.  Which is a total falsehood because my wedding planned asked me for firm numbers about a week before the wedding, so you definitely have time.  But you don’t want to chase inconsderate people around. 🙂

Post # 9
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh, one more thing.  Normally, venues make 10%-15% extra just in case, which might be a question for your venue/planner just to make sure.

Post # 10
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would call them and ask just to make sure. A lot of people are just going to assume that you know they are coming (expecially if they live close). Im having the same problem.

Post # 11
133 posts
Blushing bee

FI’s parents haven’t mailed their response card yet, I’m sure I will have to remind them, I know they are coming, but just send the card!  I have heard of people saying “maybe” and if I get any of those, it’s an automatic no in my book. No, you should check in with them to see what’s going on.

Post # 12
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s annoying that they did that at your shower. Have Fiance call them to ask if they’re coming. Maybe even have him double check, saying “Speechgal was really sad you didn’t make it to the shower.”

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