Post # 1
So FI’s family lives practically in the same town as us. Several of them have told us that they got the invite and are coming but just haven’t gotten around to mailing the rsvp, which is okay, because it’s not due until next week. However, they are very passive-aggressive people who failed to rsvp or show up for my shower, even with follow up phone calls. I think they just don’t want to be bothered sending the card back and are the type to say they are coming but not show up, or they will refuse to send the card back and show up anyway. I told Fiance that after the deadline, I will give them an extra week, but if we don’t get those cards back, we are not feeding them. The same goes for my family. Am I being over the top hard-ass about this? No card, no meal. End of discussion. What do you guys think?
Post # 3
@speechgal44: To keep the peace I would plan for an extra 10% with food and have formal seating. No name card, no seat. However, I would plan the extra 10% for immediate family….brother, sister, mom, dad and grandparents. Everyone else can come to the wedding but if they don’t RSVP for the reception then they will not be seated. That’s your FI’s issue… let him handle his family and you handle yours. You don’t want to become the victim of their aggression.
Post # 4
You are the one who will look bad when they show up and you have no place to seat them and no meal.
I would leave them a message after the deadline saying “If we don’t hear from you by XX/XX/XXXX then we will have to count you as a no”
But if they show up anyway then I think you have to accomodate them, as a good host waters down the soup when there is an extra guest (or 10) for dinner.
Also recruit his family to get answers from them.
Post # 5
Be the bigger person and contact each person. If you don’t get to talk to them, leave a message saying that you’ll mark them down as a no if you don’t hear from them by X day you’ll mark them as a no. Have Fiance do it if you need, but someone has to make the phone call.
Post # 6
Oh, we will definitely make the follow-up phone call. I guess I will have to check with the venue to see how much extra food they make in case of unexpected guests. It will just irk me if they don’t send the stupid card back and then show up anyway, or even worse, say they are going to come and then bail on us.
Post # 7
i would have your fi contact his family for rsvp’s.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t count them out. BUT, I would definitely get Fiance, his mom or dad to call whomever it is that is slack to get a final count. Tell your FI’s family to say something like, “okay, so you’re sure that you’re coming/not coming? Because after we send in the numbers, there’s no going back”. Which is a total falsehood because my wedding planned asked me for firm numbers about a week before the wedding, so you definitely have time. But you don’t want to chase inconsderate people around. 🙂
Post # 9
Oh, one more thing. Normally, venues make 10%-15% extra just in case, which might be a question for your venue/planner just to make sure.
Post # 10
I would call them and ask just to make sure. A lot of people are just going to assume that you know they are coming (expecially if they live close). Im having the same problem.
Post # 11
FI’s parents haven’t mailed their response card yet, I’m sure I will have to remind them, I know they are coming, but just send the card! I have heard of people saying “maybe” and if I get any of those, it’s an automatic no in my book. No, you should check in with them to see what’s going on.
Post # 12
That’s annoying that they did that at your shower. Have Fiance call them to ask if they’re coming. Maybe even have him double check, saying “Speechgal was really sad you didn’t make it to the shower.”