Post # 1
Hi Bees: I really appreciate your input! 🙂
I have four BMs total (the Maid/Matron of Honor is my sis) and here is my situation:
One of my best friends from childhood came to town to help me with wedding planning and trying on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.. she is staying with my Fiance and I in our place. He has always thought she is very insincere and phony… and after spending slightly over 24 hours with her, I am going nuts, we have been catty and subtly bitchy with eachother and I can’t wait for her to leave. Tomorrow isn’t soon enough. This really sucks since she has been a bff for so many years. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man is wayyy less catty… but still kinda bitchy sometimes (I don’t think she would take it personnally if I disinvited them).. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man has always been catty and talked down to me and tried to make me feel self concious about myself. Pretty much all of these girls other than my sister have been bitchy towards myself and my Fiance repeated times. And if either of us feel that cattiness on our day.. it won’t be very fun.
I know that I am a really good friend to all these girls, and I have never done anything to belittle them… At this point, I just feel like I have really crappy friends. All I want is to disinvite them all,… and just have my sister be my maid.. and have her daughter be my flower girl.
My wedding is next summer… and I need to figure this out before I ask them to order dresses. Is this a really bitchy thing to do? Will I lose them as friends if I do this?
Post # 3
I would say you could if that’s what you really want… Be prepared for hurt feelings and maybe a little bit of retaliation. But if they are your BMs they should totally be supportive and there for you if they didn’t agree with it why did they even say yes in the first place? Hope this helps at all!
Post # 4
@thundersvine: I’m confused why you asked them in the first place?
Post # 5
You could always try to smooth it over by saying you have changed your plans – that what you thought you wanted was too much and you have decided to simplfy and just have your sister and her daughter as your wedding party, but you still want them to be there as guests. Make it about your changing your mind, not them. But, if they are as “bitchy” as you say, they are very likely going to hold it against you and make snarky comments. But, maybe that is the price you are willing to pay for not having them stand up with you?
Post # 6
I felt a lot like this in the beginning…but as I often share, the bee helped me to see my options. So, rather than kick anyone out…I gave up a little control and saw my friends and their life experiences as independent of my wedding. I also gained more sympathy for their situations which are pretty difficult.
Second, I made peace with the fact that my bm’s may not come through, may not show, may not pay for their dresses etc. But I asked them because I wanted them to be there so I will make sure their space is there for them if it works out or not.
Lastly, I have accepted that the wedding may very well the end of some long friendships. This process has been a wake up call that friendships from 2nd grade just may not be what I’d like them to be anymore. I’ll always love my friends but if it’s time to move on, the wedding will be a last wonderful hoorah!
Oh…one other tip…if you’re having Maid/Matron of Honor troubles is to have 2 MOH’s. This also helped to alleviate some anxiety from having a not so available Maid/Matron of Honor…but still wonderful. This has worked out well for me.
I’d also say, people who are purely toxic and only causing you harm or distress should just be cut loose. Hurt feelings and stress will be felt by all, but it’s important to have boundaries. And in my experience letting go of toxic people, though stressful, is also quite a huge relief.
Post # 8
@thundersvine: It seems a little childish. You just realized they were poor friends after you have been friends for years and asked them to be your bridesmaids?