(Closed) Can I disinvite BMs except for the MOH? HELP!!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
12 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would say you could if that’s what you really want… Be prepared for hurt feelings and maybe a little bit of retaliation. But if they are your BMs they should totally be supportive and there for you if they didn’t agree with it why did they even say yes in the first place? Hope this helps at all!

Post # 4
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@thundersvine:  I’m confused why you asked them in the first place?

Post # 5
41 posts

You could always try to smooth it over by saying you have changed your plans – that what you thought you wanted was too much and you have decided to simplfy and just have your sister and her daughter as your wedding party, but you still want them to be there as guests. Make it about your changing your mind, not them. But, if they are as “bitchy” as you say, they are very likely going to hold it against you and make snarky comments. But, maybe that is the price you are willing to pay for not having them stand up with you?

Post # 6
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I felt a lot like this in the beginning…but as I often share, the bee helped me to see my options.  So, rather than kick anyone out…I gave up a little control and saw my friends and their life experiences as independent of my wedding.  I also gained more sympathy for their situations which are pretty difficult.

Second, I made peace with the fact that my bm’s may not come through, may not show, may not pay for their dresses etc.  But I asked them because I wanted them to be there so I will make sure their space is there for them if it works out or not.

Lastly, I have accepted that the wedding may very well the end of some long friendships.  This process has been a wake up call that friendships from 2nd grade just may not be what I’d like them to be anymore.  I’ll always love my friends but if it’s time to move on, the wedding will be a last wonderful hoorah!

Oh…one other tip…if you’re having Maid/Matron of Honor troubles is to have 2 MOH’s.  This also helped to alleviate some anxiety from having a not so available Maid/Matron of Honor…but still wonderful.  This has worked out well for me. 

I’d also say, people who are purely toxic and only causing you harm or distress should just be cut loose.  Hurt feelings and stress will be felt by all, but it’s important to have boundaries.  And in my experience letting go of toxic people, though stressful, is also quite a huge relief.

Good luck!!

Post # 8
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@thundersvine:  It seems a little childish. You just realized they were poor friends after you have been friends for years and asked them to be your bridesmaids?

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